my honda quit working.. so now I have a problem

Middlegirl

New member
My car broke down again.. It happens it was a 2001 (yep pretty old) so my dilemma, is this, Renee and Mark offered to buy me a used car this is a pretty big deal in my mind. It made me cry (really) now me and my over analyzing stuff..

I love Renee, and she loves me. I also love Mark he really is a very kind man, but a car is a major purchase. I don't know if I can take it but part of this relationship requires me to not work so I can take care of the boys when Renee and Mark are working so I really don't have a choice, I could go to my Dad he would help I have no doubt of that.... I really don't know what I should do..

Part of me wants to say yes because I need to be able to get to school, we live out in the burbs and school is downtown..

Another part says maybe they should just purchase another car for the house and let me drive it.. Then in the back of my mind I wonder what happens if this relationship ends (I don't like to think about something like that but relationships end..) I will be without a car, I guess then I would have to get a job to afford it so maybe that's just that...

well I would love to hear from who has been in this position and how they handled it.

I also know how fortunate I am to be with a woman who cares enough for me to want to help and has the means to do this for me.

and that's another thing if I say now am I like ungrateful? well not there is another my gosh..
 
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Wow, that's a tough one! It's really wonderful that they care enough to make the offer. I am not sure how long the relationship has been going on, which I can see also making a difference.

Maybe there's a middle ground? It's going to be difficult, if you don't have a job, to purchase a car if it requires financing. Would you and they considering something like either putting a down-payment down and keeping up on the payments so long as you are taking care of the kids, as a kind of trade-off, with your name one the loan and your dad as a co-signer? So, if the relationship ends, you won't be car-less, but everyone will have put in equitably (having some compensation for not being able to work is, IMHO, a very fair trade-off)?
 
I would accept the gift. Yes, you are in a relationship with them, but you are also providing valuable services so they can work. A used car for YOU seems only fair under the circumstances. Clearly they value you and your contribution, so gracefully accept this and appreciate their fairness and kindness in the spirit of the offer. Of course, there should be no strings attached to this gift, IMO.
 
We worked something out

It's good it's spring break, Renee and went and I got another accord (happy happy)

They are going to pay for the car no strings.. I am very lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. Also I am going to work a Marks pipe company 3 days a week in the transportation office so I can have some spending money. I was doing an "internship" in his accounting office it was for independent study credits...

Now at some point I am going to have to explain that my "more mature married girl friend" and her husband bought me a car. I think that might be harder than getting the car.. Talk about a first world (or maybe a poly world ) problem..

Thank you both, between the 2 of you and because of you I feel a lot better about this..
 
Middlegirl,

That's great! Congrats on the new car!
 
Poly success story alert! :D
 
Wow really

I am very fortunate to be in a relationship with some really successful people. I didn't even know people really just went and bought a car, in like an hour.

Growing up it was alway go to 3 or more places go to the bank then go back. Then maybe then buy the car.

On Monday, Renee was like "let's go get you an accord if that's what you want." I thought she was kidding, but like 2 hours later we were done and I was driving home in a new car.

My old one is still sitting in the driveway, it needs a new transmission, and some other stuff. Mark is going to have it towed to him yard and get ride of it from there.
 
Mark and Renee rock.
 
If you are part of the family you shouldnt feel bad about things like that. You may not "go" to work every day, but you go to school and care for the family. Your contribution may not generate revenue for the family but it allows others in the family to do so. You should not feel bad at all. Enjoy your new car :)
 
its hard for me to like accepst stuff

its not like I grew up dirt poor, I didn't, but with my family the cost of everything was always measured or maybe over measured. It was never you made the soccer team. I was always like great you made the team, so your going to need new jerseys, shorts, gloves, and whatever else. How much is this going to cost..

In high school my freshman year I wanted to try out of the golf team, the first words out of my dads mouth were you don't have clubs, how are you going to afford that, I was like 14.. sorry this is not a complain about my family thing..

I am just not used to not thinking about the cost in dollars of everything its just the way my mind works...

Still its nice to have a new to me car, new car smell, and all of that..
 
If you are part of the family you shouldnt feel bad about things like that. You may not "go" to work every day, but you go to school and care for the family. Your contribution may not generate revenue for the family but it allows others in the family to do so. You should not feel bad at all. Enjoy your new car :)

This. Even if you are trained to "think in dollars" - now, in this situation please DO think in dollars.

You are contributing to the family by taking care of the kids, and most likely in various other practical, measurable ways. Like, you do clean int the house, right? You do some of the cooking and washing and whatnot, right? Now, how much would your chosen family need to pay if they had to hire someone for babysitting each time you do it? Or if they'd need to hire someone for the cleaning?

Please put this into perspective. You are a valuable part of the family. Your convenience is valuable to your loved ones. A new car is a big thing - and they want to provide it, since you are also contributing. Enjoy your new car, and more importantly: enjoy your wonderful family!
 
thats a really nice thing to say

your right, I guess I need to see things on a different level. I just sort of feel like all the other stuff is just part of it. I mean I like to cook (and I think Im pretty good at it) I love that I can have a nice dinner for everyone in the evening. Being like the domestic goddess is really a turn on for me (oaky that's might be a bit strong but I do like it) I like making things clean and keeping them that way. Around here with 2 boys in the spring mud gets everywhere lol. Getting up at 4:30 to take someone to hockey practice is not a ton of fun but if Renee is working and Mark has a meeting or a conference to prepare for then Ill do it, but I am going sit in the car and study and eat a donut.

your right though all of that should be quantified, I am not like keeping track and I don't want to, but I am feeling more comfortable with it.

now I have a soccer game in about an hour...
 
your right, I guess I need to see things on a different level. I just sort of feel like all the other stuff is just part of it. I mean I like to cook (and I think Im pretty good at it) I love that I can have a nice dinner for everyone in the evening. Being like the domestic goddess is really a turn on for me (oaky that's might be a bit strong but I do like it) I like making things clean and keeping them that way. Around here with 2 boys in the spring mud gets everywhere lol. Getting up at 4:30 to take someone to hockey practice is not a ton of fun but if Renee is working and Mark has a meeting or a conference to prepare for then Ill do it, but I am going sit in the car and study and eat a donut.

your right though all of that should be quantified, I am not like keeping track and I don't want to, but I am feeling more comfortable with it.

now I have a soccer game in about an hour...

I struggled with this too - seeing my value and contribution to the family is terms other than "I don't earn a paycheck", and not even in a Poly relationship! The role of the (mostly) stay-at-home-parent/spouse can be challenging. But the contributions the stay-at-home person brings are rather immeasurable. Cooking, cleaning, caring for little ones (and not so little ones) which then allows for more family time because the working parent(s)/spouse(s0 don't have to spend their off time doing big chunks of those things and can then spend the time they'd typically be doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, with the members of the family.

I think it's fantastic that they bought you a car when you needed one. You're not just "lucky", you're appreciated, which is extremely important. Congrats! :D
 
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