I recently joined despite the fact that my partner and I have been consensually non-monogamous to some extent or another our entire marriage, which has been 8 years. It is in the last 3 years that we have started developing romantic relationships with others.
A quick snapshot of us- We are a younger couple, late 20's and early 30s, with children. We've both had relationships outside of the marriage, some shorter some longer, none that have lasted indefinitely thus far. Last year, I was seeing someone who had some mental health issues that got out of control by the end of our relationship. This person, about halfway through, expressed interest in my partner and they formed a romantic relationship and we morphed into a triad (yes, yes I know **groans all around**). Long story short, it ended in a fiery pit of crap for all 3 of us. At that time, I made the decision I wasn't interested in dating anyone for a little while and decided to take a break. My partner did the same thing. I did not ask him to but he made the decision to do so.
Fast forward a year after that relationship ended, for various reasons I decided I wanted to pursue dating again. I met several people, which is generally not a problem for me. One person in particular, after spending a lot of time together bla bla bla, we fell very much in love.
My partner (a male) met someone, they went out a few times, it didn't work out. He, as with many males in this world, struggles with finding someone through dating sites etc. I've encouraged him to get involved in the local community and go to events that some of our mutual friends hold, but he has not done much in regards to those.
Okay, so here's the real issue: my partner is struggling immensely with this. To the point of depression and it's getting to the point where he's leaning completely on me for self-validation. Which happens every time a relationship of his doesn't work out or he doesn't find someone when I'm dating someone. Of course, as his partner, I want to support and help him but as I've told him, it's completely unrealistic for all of his validation and confidence to come from me. It's been like this for years but it's getting to be such pressure on me that I don't know how to handle it. I have tried everything I can to be understanding and supportive and loving and encouraging but when it comes to him expecting ALL of his validation from me... I just don't think that's realistic. It's exhausting and it's really taking an emotional toll on me. I keep recommending a kink-friendly therapist for us (I'm also into kink, he is not though) to help with all of this but he really doesn't think it will work. He insists he just needs to "work through this" and that as long as I keep validating him, it'll go away. I have no issues with showing him how much I love and support him, but I still think he's asking too much of me and leaning on me too much for his own confidence.
Of course, you only have my POV but hopefully some people have some thoughts regarding this situation!! Thanks in advance!
A quick snapshot of us- We are a younger couple, late 20's and early 30s, with children. We've both had relationships outside of the marriage, some shorter some longer, none that have lasted indefinitely thus far. Last year, I was seeing someone who had some mental health issues that got out of control by the end of our relationship. This person, about halfway through, expressed interest in my partner and they formed a romantic relationship and we morphed into a triad (yes, yes I know **groans all around**). Long story short, it ended in a fiery pit of crap for all 3 of us. At that time, I made the decision I wasn't interested in dating anyone for a little while and decided to take a break. My partner did the same thing. I did not ask him to but he made the decision to do so.
Fast forward a year after that relationship ended, for various reasons I decided I wanted to pursue dating again. I met several people, which is generally not a problem for me. One person in particular, after spending a lot of time together bla bla bla, we fell very much in love.
My partner (a male) met someone, they went out a few times, it didn't work out. He, as with many males in this world, struggles with finding someone through dating sites etc. I've encouraged him to get involved in the local community and go to events that some of our mutual friends hold, but he has not done much in regards to those.
Okay, so here's the real issue: my partner is struggling immensely with this. To the point of depression and it's getting to the point where he's leaning completely on me for self-validation. Which happens every time a relationship of his doesn't work out or he doesn't find someone when I'm dating someone. Of course, as his partner, I want to support and help him but as I've told him, it's completely unrealistic for all of his validation and confidence to come from me. It's been like this for years but it's getting to be such pressure on me that I don't know how to handle it. I have tried everything I can to be understanding and supportive and loving and encouraging but when it comes to him expecting ALL of his validation from me... I just don't think that's realistic. It's exhausting and it's really taking an emotional toll on me. I keep recommending a kink-friendly therapist for us (I'm also into kink, he is not though) to help with all of this but he really doesn't think it will work. He insists he just needs to "work through this" and that as long as I keep validating him, it'll go away. I have no issues with showing him how much I love and support him, but I still think he's asking too much of me and leaning on me too much for his own confidence.
Of course, you only have my POV but hopefully some people have some thoughts regarding this situation!! Thanks in advance!