Hi from Europe

Europoly

New member
Hi there Poly Folks!
I'm reading in quite a while now, ajd there are so many good threads which would have liked to join the discussion but couldnt due to not being registered,so today i eventually did.

As said and my nic might give away i'm based in Europe; i see that most of you are in North America, and it's great to see such a big and growing poly society over there,congrats! Unfortunately over here it's still in its infancy, and very much undercover,unknown and quite unwelcome even. Anway,that might be interesting for an own topic as this is the introduction section ;)

I'm not here to find new partners,but to expand my knowledge what and how others live a poly life and cope wjth a mostly mono society.

I had not the pleasure yet to enjoy a true poly relationship with partners of the same mindset,but had experiences with other open poly couples,which showed me how nice it can work for others... But did I only realise/see online 4 years ago that poly is actually an own way of relationsship,which is great to know that it's growing. I'm male,straight,unhappy in a(nother) mono,long (4years) relationship, not feeling as i belong there. Live often goes different ways if someone is not making active decisions against or for something,and of course there is always the other persons agenda as well. And,as said,monogamy is very much ankered in wide parts of western society,except in some major big cities. It's unlikely to find similar minded possible partners in most parts of the "normal" population. I'm not saying this as an exuse for my unhappy relationship,but to describe what i experience,as i think it should be part of my introduction,to describe my current situation,opinion&mindset. Well,Everything starts with knowledge.
Am glad to be able to learn from you guys' experiences. Thanks to all here for sharing your experiences! :)
 
Greetings Europoly,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'd say polyamory has a long ways to go, both in America and Europe, before having widespread acceptance. A lot of people have to live in the closet still, me included. The one hopeful thing these days is that Canada has ruled that polyamory is legal there. Hopefully the United States will follow suit, eventually.

Sorry to hear you haven't had the opportunities you would have wanted to practice polyamory. There are some poly-friendly dating sites, and ways to find local poly groups, if that would help. In the meantime I hope mingling with the folks here on Polyamory.com will give you a sense of belonging.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks for the warm Greeting, Kevin; and the tips as well!

Now that's a nice analogy
lot of people have to live in the closet still
...yes, that's absolutely how I feel since the beginning of my active relationship life :) ..not in the sense that I was secretly poly (as I never "cheat" inside a relationship) but having it in the mind that there is something missing in a mono relationship, as "Hmm,is this it?", and having no-one to talk about these things...as everyone in and around a "normal" couples" friend circles is in a mono mindset, speaking about such a thing is unwise..as it would be a showstopper ;)

Polyamory is actually less known and accepted among TAP "the average population" than gay marriage (which was a big topic in the mainstream news since years, now it's getting dropped as it's widely accepted - a job well done by gay rights activists, and an example how things/opinions can change with long enough effort)

Really nice (and surprising) to hear that Canada has ruled that polyamory is "legal"! well, I never heard of it as "illegal"..at least in my part of the world (I suppose you mean if partners have a multi-partner marriage? )
 
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Hello and welcome on board, Europoly! You have made a good choice to join this forum and seek knowledge about polyamorous life.

Most members on this forum are from across the ocean from your POV, but my understanding is that there are lively poly communities in Europe, too. You won't necessarily bump into poly people in your everyday life either side of the ocean as, like Kevin stated, many of us are in the closet. Me included.

Now, as a European you might not be aware that practising polyamory really is illegal in many US states. In some states it is okay to have multiple partners as long as there is no legal marriage between any of them. In some states it is okay to be married and have an outside partner as long as you do not go through any kind of commitment ceremony with them. The fact that Canada has ruled that polyamory is legal there does not yet mean a possibility for a legal multi-person marriage - just that living and loving with more than one is not a crime. As far as I know, polyamory is and has been perfectly legal in Europe for a long time. Not sure about every legislation there, but most definitely the Scandinavian countries.

Search the web for local connections if you are interested - you could be surprised how much it is a thing over in the old world, too.
 
.... practicing polyamory really is illegal in many US states.

Polyamory is perfectly legal throughout the US, as there are no laws against loving more than one person at a time. Perhaps you are thinking of bigamy, which is illegal, as it violates laws in all 50 states against obtaining multiple active marriage licenses. A judge in Utah has recently ruled that the attempt to prosecute polygamous families (in which one wife is legally recognized and the others are spiritually recognized) is a violation of the US Constitution. Although rarely prosecuted, adultery is a criminal offense in 23 states. Polyamory itself is legal in every state.

The upshot being: if you're unmarried in the USA, have at it.
 
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Polyamory is perfectly legal throughout the US, as there are no laws against loving more than one person at a time. Perhaps you are thinking of bigamy, which is illegal, as it violates laws in all 50 states against obtaining multiple active marriage licenses. A judge in Utah has recently ruled that the attempt to prosecute polygamous families (in which one wife is legally recognized and the others are spiritually recognized) is a violation of the US Constitution. Polyamory itself is legal in every state.
Thank you for correcting me. This was a development I was not aware of - I was indeed thinking about bigamy laws. I knew that the polygamous families of Utah have been prosecuted in the past. So, this should now mean that polyamorous families with one legally married couple and another (or more) dyads that have had a commitment ceremony are also living "legally", right?
 
So, this should now mean that polyamorous families with one legally married couple and another (or more) dyads that have had a commitment ceremony are also living "legally", right?

As far as I can discern from my research, no state recognizes commitment ceremonies of any kind, so whether a couple has one or not wouldn't enter into the legality of their living situation. I'd be interested to know if anyone finds otherwise.
 
Re: multi-partner marriage ... would be considered polygamy and is illegal in Canada and most other countries. Canada's ruling was that polyamory is okay as long as it doesn't involve multiple marriages.

I am uncertain about what the various States' position is on marriage-like arrangements (such as commitment ceremonies and cohabitation).
 
Thank you Nadya and Angelina for your input and infos about how things are at your side of the pond - yes, surely these gov-rules against multi-marriage apply all over the world, as (the commonly known) marriage is and was always meant to be a tool of suppression/bondage to the system. So of course they would stop any attempt to change that.

Your examples prove to me again that marriage is something mostly to the worse (except tax maybe *g*) compared to a privately given partnership celebration which doesn't need state or some church to be initiated nor ended (as ancient marriage originally was and still is in parts of the world, a private agreement, not ruled and registered by some government)

Highly amusing in this respect (state harassment) is your link that adultery is indeed illegal ...I'm sure there are similar "laws" existing in European countries, just think of deeply religiously rooted countries like Italy (Catholicism) & sexually highly suppressed cultures like England (Victorians) except London that is of course :)

As it might show, I'm not a friend of governmental rules & regulations as I believe in the freedom & commitment of the individual, not needing some state to be told what to do or not (Hey as it's my introduction thread I'm allowed to swerve off and rant a bit *g* and after all this involves relationships as well) and (conventional) marriage is one major chain they hold tie down most of the public...

This is not too far fetched, think of normal 2 person couples being in a unhappy marriage with kids simply not divorcing due to stigma,divorce costs, house mortgage etc pp...compared to the social and financial power of an open relationship poly marriage group of people living together...highly unlikely that such a social constellation would get into money, provider trouble (due to job loss of one) or any other trouble...a big farm, huge house or even mansion could easily be mortgaged and payed off being debt free after just a few years with just 2 poly triads living together = 6 people

Anyway I swaying off too far, many thanks for your input; you're all very welcome! :)
 
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