Hi everyone!
Thanks to a trip to the ER psych ward a year ago I've discovered I'm not the heterosexual monogamous male I thought I was all this time. Nope, I'm a polyamorous, pansexual, demisexual, gender-fluid male. Doesn’t that roll off the tongue! I would feel like a freak wearing all those “strange" labels if I wasn't feeling so incredibly liberated by how they finally explain how I feel.
So how does polyamory relate to me? Basically, I am secretly in love with many of my friends and have been since I was a teen. But it’s not a classic relationship type of love, not a crush, and not a I-must-profess-my-love-or-die kind of love. It’s hard for me to understand and explain. It doesn’t matter whether my friend is a man or a woman. Gender isn’t important for me to love them. It’s all about the person.
Once a friendship grows strong and we trust and care about each other, I begin feeling a strong attraction to him or her. I feel an affectionate love and a strong desire to be intimate and sensual. I don’t want them exclusively to myself. I don’t “long" for them or feel the need to act on this love, but it's are always a part of the relationship. It's not something I feel compelled to confess to them and most of my friends don’t know that I feel this way. But I want there to be more between us, and I have to catch myself sometimes before I scare them away.
For example, I was recently talking to a male friend late at night and he confided that his wife isn’t passionate with him. He gives her massages often and fulfills all her intimate and sensual requests but she rarely does the same for him. It seemed perfectly natural at that moment for us to be intimate and I started saying that I’d be happy to give him a massage, but caught myself before I did. I have to remember that most people don’t understand. He’s a close friend and I know he doesn’t feel that way. But I love him and wanted to give him pleasure and that always arouses me. He’s been married for years and I’m close to his wife too. I love her in the same way. I would welcome affection or intimacy with either of them.
I’ve had experiences and feelings like this throughout my life with many people. I’ve discounted them as abnormal feelings and buried them. I don’t feel that way now.
In the last year I’ve shared what I’ve learned about myself with my wife. She has a hard time relating as she is aromantic with a low drive. We’ve struggled for years since we’re polar opposites. We’ve had frank conversations and discussed divorce, but it’s not that easy since we have kids. She’s open to the idea of me having other relationships, but she worries about the kids finding out and the threat of diseases.
Anyway, I’m starting to know what I want and need, but I’m not sure how or if I’ll get there. This all pretty new to me too. It’s great to read so many stories here. I want to share more of my experiences too.
Thanks for letting me share this “introduction”
Dave
Thanks to a trip to the ER psych ward a year ago I've discovered I'm not the heterosexual monogamous male I thought I was all this time. Nope, I'm a polyamorous, pansexual, demisexual, gender-fluid male. Doesn’t that roll off the tongue! I would feel like a freak wearing all those “strange" labels if I wasn't feeling so incredibly liberated by how they finally explain how I feel.
So how does polyamory relate to me? Basically, I am secretly in love with many of my friends and have been since I was a teen. But it’s not a classic relationship type of love, not a crush, and not a I-must-profess-my-love-or-die kind of love. It’s hard for me to understand and explain. It doesn’t matter whether my friend is a man or a woman. Gender isn’t important for me to love them. It’s all about the person.
Once a friendship grows strong and we trust and care about each other, I begin feeling a strong attraction to him or her. I feel an affectionate love and a strong desire to be intimate and sensual. I don’t want them exclusively to myself. I don’t “long" for them or feel the need to act on this love, but it's are always a part of the relationship. It's not something I feel compelled to confess to them and most of my friends don’t know that I feel this way. But I want there to be more between us, and I have to catch myself sometimes before I scare them away.
For example, I was recently talking to a male friend late at night and he confided that his wife isn’t passionate with him. He gives her massages often and fulfills all her intimate and sensual requests but she rarely does the same for him. It seemed perfectly natural at that moment for us to be intimate and I started saying that I’d be happy to give him a massage, but caught myself before I did. I have to remember that most people don’t understand. He’s a close friend and I know he doesn’t feel that way. But I love him and wanted to give him pleasure and that always arouses me. He’s been married for years and I’m close to his wife too. I love her in the same way. I would welcome affection or intimacy with either of them.
I’ve had experiences and feelings like this throughout my life with many people. I’ve discounted them as abnormal feelings and buried them. I don’t feel that way now.
In the last year I’ve shared what I’ve learned about myself with my wife. She has a hard time relating as she is aromantic with a low drive. We’ve struggled for years since we’re polar opposites. We’ve had frank conversations and discussed divorce, but it’s not that easy since we have kids. She’s open to the idea of me having other relationships, but she worries about the kids finding out and the threat of diseases.
Anyway, I’m starting to know what I want and need, but I’m not sure how or if I’ll get there. This all pretty new to me too. It’s great to read so many stories here. I want to share more of my experiences too.
Thanks for letting me share this “introduction”
Dave