DemetreeDot1030
New member
It's been awhile since i've been on here ,and i'm not looking for attitude here. I am looking for some advice, or some understanding words to help me better understand what is going on.
Originally 2 years ago i told my wife i wanted her to be herself ,and open up to her bi sexuality. Then we talked about fantasies such as me her & whatever girlfriend she would find as well as her fantasy of me her & whatever guy friend of ours we would trust enough to include.
Fast Forward to this past summer when my wife dated a woman. She wanted me included on the relationship as she wanted a triad. She referred to us as being a poly couple because we had the space in our hearts/relationship to love another.
The relationship with her girlfriend failed because the woman was more interested in sex with her than forming a bond on top of the fact that she was on/off about how she felt about men (had alot of bad relationships with men she claimed)
My wife continued to try to find another girlfriend ,but to no avail. She started to open up the idea to not only finding a girlfriend ,but finding a guy we could be friends with that she could be with.
We came to the understanding that they would have a certain level of intimacy ,but we would also be all together. Which led to us going to something around here called a Witches Ball (we are pagan/wiccan) When we went there we went there with the intention of hopefully meeting a like minded man ,or woman who might fill what we were looking for.
She met a few women ,but no one that really thrilled her. Although we met a guy there that from here on out we will refer to as "DOOD". She told me she wasn't interested in him more than a friend. Yet about a week later they were facebooking together ,and she encouraged me to be friends with on there as well. I was skeptical at first to friend him since at the Ball he didnt seemed to be as interested in talking to me as talking to her. And yes he knew we were husband/wife.
After they began to talk more she really started to push the idea of possibly having a poly relationship with DOOD. I started to become concerned because i felt like she wanted more from him than just a close physical relationship ,and i felt it might be the same for him with her. And, after my last long term relationship (of 6 years) ended in the fact that i was cheated on i naturally had some paranoia set in.
This spilled into a week long argument about the whole ordeal. We came to an agreement as to what was okay ,and what was expected. We finally came to an understanding ,and we decided we were going to have DOOD come stay with us for a few days during New Years. He lives almost 2 hours from us ,and doesn't drive.
So we picked him up ,and while we were in his area i wrecked my truck into a guide wire (dont ask lol) so i was really depressed at that point by the damage done to my truck so i wasn't in the right frame of mind to begin with.
So for most of the first day he was here i brooded because of the truck as well as watching him & her touch each other. Grant it she would be cuddling up to him while i was cuddling up to her ,and she was rubbing my back. She invited up to our room to watch a movie because she was tired so we all retired to our room ,and watched the movie then fell asleep. Nothing happened that night.
The 2nd night she became more comfortable with him ,and started holding his hand, rubbing his leg, giving him kisses ,and such while doing similar things to me. For some reason though i got this vibe from them that there was more than this casual intimacy that was going on. I'm screwed up in the head because the more she told me she didnt want anything more than what she had with him ,and she was not trying to replace me i was still paranoid.
That night we all ended up in the bed together watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. I could tell my wife was getting horny as she kept asking me if i was tired ,or was she the only one not tired ,and she was rubbing herself against me & him. She then says to DOOD..."you have 2 options we join us in some fun ,or got downstairs because i want to fuck my husband" to which DOOD replies "i'm all for some fun if everyone is okay with it" The lights are completely off ,and we start doing stuff together to my wife. Apparently at one point he bumped my arm which made me jump ,and he took it as i was pissed ,and he stopped said he couldn't do it ,and he's going to let us go at it.
The next morning we all discussed the situation ,and we agreed we just miscommunicated and no one was mad at one another. So the rest of the day we were all cuddling again yet i couldn't help that feeling i got watching them two touch ,and kiss each other. I know it shouldn't bother me considering she was touching & kissing me as well. Later that night we finally followed through with having sex with my wife together. I found it to actually turn me on because it made her get off more, she moaned more ,and moved her body in such an amazing way. It was nice ,and we all shared a fun experience together.
After we took him back home which was 5 days later instead of the originally planned 3 days i started fighting with myself in my head about what went on. The following day my wife invited one of my buddies come over ,and watch a football game with us. He came over without his girlfriend which was strange ,but anyhow. I always known him to flirt with my wife ,and her with him although i trust him so it doesn't bother me.
We told my buddy everything that had been going on ,and how we felt about everything and he listened while giving some reasonable council. Now prior to my buddy coming over i thought maybe i was just not able to handle the situation of her being affectionate with someone else. Although while my buddy was over they started to flirt with each other again ,and we were both tickling her ,and playing around then we ended up all cuddling with her on the couch. And, shockingly enough i was okay. I knew he was there to not harm the relationship between my wife ,and i. I just felt this fun between the 3 of us. Grant it nothing more than cuddling happened i would of been okay if it would of gone further.
Which makes me think its just something about DOOD that makes me uncomfortable. Everyone seems to think me & DOOD just need to make a better bond as friends to deal with this unique situation together. DOOD is poly as well and has said on many occasions that he understands the deep love ,and connection my wife & i share which he doesn't want to disturb. I just get worried.
Him & i don't talk nearly as much as her & him do yet she keeps pushing that she wants him & i to be closer as to make this unique situation easier.
So is it really just i need to become more buddy buddy with him ,and let my guard down a bit & just let him in. He told my wife that everytime he asked me to outside to "smoke" with him he was trying to have some guy time so he could talk to me ,and get closer. Yet i wish if thats the case that'd he'd also contact me when he's not here. As other wise i feel he is just being nice to me as it necessary evil to be able to be with my wife.
My wife ,and I for the past week started arguing about this again as i felt like we lost track of what our rules ,and expectations were in this situation.
Part of the discussion was in the past she said she doesn't know if she would be okay with having sex with another man without me with her ,or not although she trust me to have sex with another woman alone ,and she wants the same opportunity.
I told her i don't mind if we all have sex together when it comes to another man ,but i'm not for having sex solo. I personally don't want another woman..let alone have sex with another woman alone. The only way i'm interested in sex with another woman is if its my wife's girlfriend and my wife wants me to have sex with her girlfriend ,and her girlfriend wants it as well. Thats the only way i'd be interested in it.
She told me she was okay with that as its not necessary for her to have what she wants as long as i'm okay with another man having sex with her if we're all together.
She just doesn't understand why i'm okay with her being alone with another woman, going out on a date with another woman alone ,and having sex with another woman alone yet for it to be with another man its different.
See for my wife she doesn't see people as male ,or female so sex with them doesnt matter on their body parts. She's more concerned about who they are inside than what they have.
She asked me today if i would of be okay if she went out with DOOD for something like some coffee ,or something eat basically a date ,and at most made out a little bit then would come home here together ,and likely do things together. As she said in order for her to have a close relationship with DOOD ,or anyone else for that matter she has to be able to be alone with them and bond just as well as us all being together. And i get that.
Im just worried that a make out session will translate to having sex alone. She says she wants to do this together but something alone like that is no longer doing it together.
She keeps telling me i opened this door when i told her to be herself with her bisexuality ,but being okay with her being bi and having a girlfriend versus having a boyfriend is 2 different things. This wasn't what i asked for yet this is what i seem to have to deal with.
Originally 2 years ago i told my wife i wanted her to be herself ,and open up to her bi sexuality. Then we talked about fantasies such as me her & whatever girlfriend she would find as well as her fantasy of me her & whatever guy friend of ours we would trust enough to include.
Fast Forward to this past summer when my wife dated a woman. She wanted me included on the relationship as she wanted a triad. She referred to us as being a poly couple because we had the space in our hearts/relationship to love another.
The relationship with her girlfriend failed because the woman was more interested in sex with her than forming a bond on top of the fact that she was on/off about how she felt about men (had alot of bad relationships with men she claimed)
My wife continued to try to find another girlfriend ,but to no avail. She started to open up the idea to not only finding a girlfriend ,but finding a guy we could be friends with that she could be with.
We came to the understanding that they would have a certain level of intimacy ,but we would also be all together. Which led to us going to something around here called a Witches Ball (we are pagan/wiccan) When we went there we went there with the intention of hopefully meeting a like minded man ,or woman who might fill what we were looking for.
She met a few women ,but no one that really thrilled her. Although we met a guy there that from here on out we will refer to as "DOOD". She told me she wasn't interested in him more than a friend. Yet about a week later they were facebooking together ,and she encouraged me to be friends with on there as well. I was skeptical at first to friend him since at the Ball he didnt seemed to be as interested in talking to me as talking to her. And yes he knew we were husband/wife.
After they began to talk more she really started to push the idea of possibly having a poly relationship with DOOD. I started to become concerned because i felt like she wanted more from him than just a close physical relationship ,and i felt it might be the same for him with her. And, after my last long term relationship (of 6 years) ended in the fact that i was cheated on i naturally had some paranoia set in.
This spilled into a week long argument about the whole ordeal. We came to an agreement as to what was okay ,and what was expected. We finally came to an understanding ,and we decided we were going to have DOOD come stay with us for a few days during New Years. He lives almost 2 hours from us ,and doesn't drive.
So we picked him up ,and while we were in his area i wrecked my truck into a guide wire (dont ask lol) so i was really depressed at that point by the damage done to my truck so i wasn't in the right frame of mind to begin with.
So for most of the first day he was here i brooded because of the truck as well as watching him & her touch each other. Grant it she would be cuddling up to him while i was cuddling up to her ,and she was rubbing my back. She invited up to our room to watch a movie because she was tired so we all retired to our room ,and watched the movie then fell asleep. Nothing happened that night.
The 2nd night she became more comfortable with him ,and started holding his hand, rubbing his leg, giving him kisses ,and such while doing similar things to me. For some reason though i got this vibe from them that there was more than this casual intimacy that was going on. I'm screwed up in the head because the more she told me she didnt want anything more than what she had with him ,and she was not trying to replace me i was still paranoid.
That night we all ended up in the bed together watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. I could tell my wife was getting horny as she kept asking me if i was tired ,or was she the only one not tired ,and she was rubbing herself against me & him. She then says to DOOD..."you have 2 options we join us in some fun ,or got downstairs because i want to fuck my husband" to which DOOD replies "i'm all for some fun if everyone is okay with it" The lights are completely off ,and we start doing stuff together to my wife. Apparently at one point he bumped my arm which made me jump ,and he took it as i was pissed ,and he stopped said he couldn't do it ,and he's going to let us go at it.
The next morning we all discussed the situation ,and we agreed we just miscommunicated and no one was mad at one another. So the rest of the day we were all cuddling again yet i couldn't help that feeling i got watching them two touch ,and kiss each other. I know it shouldn't bother me considering she was touching & kissing me as well. Later that night we finally followed through with having sex with my wife together. I found it to actually turn me on because it made her get off more, she moaned more ,and moved her body in such an amazing way. It was nice ,and we all shared a fun experience together.
After we took him back home which was 5 days later instead of the originally planned 3 days i started fighting with myself in my head about what went on. The following day my wife invited one of my buddies come over ,and watch a football game with us. He came over without his girlfriend which was strange ,but anyhow. I always known him to flirt with my wife ,and her with him although i trust him so it doesn't bother me.
We told my buddy everything that had been going on ,and how we felt about everything and he listened while giving some reasonable council. Now prior to my buddy coming over i thought maybe i was just not able to handle the situation of her being affectionate with someone else. Although while my buddy was over they started to flirt with each other again ,and we were both tickling her ,and playing around then we ended up all cuddling with her on the couch. And, shockingly enough i was okay. I knew he was there to not harm the relationship between my wife ,and i. I just felt this fun between the 3 of us. Grant it nothing more than cuddling happened i would of been okay if it would of gone further.
Which makes me think its just something about DOOD that makes me uncomfortable. Everyone seems to think me & DOOD just need to make a better bond as friends to deal with this unique situation together. DOOD is poly as well and has said on many occasions that he understands the deep love ,and connection my wife & i share which he doesn't want to disturb. I just get worried.
Him & i don't talk nearly as much as her & him do yet she keeps pushing that she wants him & i to be closer as to make this unique situation easier.
So is it really just i need to become more buddy buddy with him ,and let my guard down a bit & just let him in. He told my wife that everytime he asked me to outside to "smoke" with him he was trying to have some guy time so he could talk to me ,and get closer. Yet i wish if thats the case that'd he'd also contact me when he's not here. As other wise i feel he is just being nice to me as it necessary evil to be able to be with my wife.
My wife ,and I for the past week started arguing about this again as i felt like we lost track of what our rules ,and expectations were in this situation.
Part of the discussion was in the past she said she doesn't know if she would be okay with having sex with another man without me with her ,or not although she trust me to have sex with another woman alone ,and she wants the same opportunity.
I told her i don't mind if we all have sex together when it comes to another man ,but i'm not for having sex solo. I personally don't want another woman..let alone have sex with another woman alone. The only way i'm interested in sex with another woman is if its my wife's girlfriend and my wife wants me to have sex with her girlfriend ,and her girlfriend wants it as well. Thats the only way i'd be interested in it.
She told me she was okay with that as its not necessary for her to have what she wants as long as i'm okay with another man having sex with her if we're all together.
She just doesn't understand why i'm okay with her being alone with another woman, going out on a date with another woman alone ,and having sex with another woman alone yet for it to be with another man its different.
See for my wife she doesn't see people as male ,or female so sex with them doesnt matter on their body parts. She's more concerned about who they are inside than what they have.
She asked me today if i would of be okay if she went out with DOOD for something like some coffee ,or something eat basically a date ,and at most made out a little bit then would come home here together ,and likely do things together. As she said in order for her to have a close relationship with DOOD ,or anyone else for that matter she has to be able to be alone with them and bond just as well as us all being together. And i get that.
Im just worried that a make out session will translate to having sex alone. She says she wants to do this together but something alone like that is no longer doing it together.
She keeps telling me i opened this door when i told her to be herself with her bisexuality ,but being okay with her being bi and having a girlfriend versus having a boyfriend is 2 different things. This wasn't what i asked for yet this is what i seem to have to deal with.