Hi Smile,
Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that your wife is going through this. Poly breakups can be really rough, especially when one of your partners is dating someone else. The slow fade is the damn worst.
If it's of any consolation to your lovely wife - tell her that she's not alone! I personally just had the immense pleasure of receiving a lovely "I just want casual, but please be available to spank me whenever I feel like it" email from someone I'd fallen for who had been pulling an excruciatingly slow fade on me for a few months. I understand what your wife is going through!! Oh Lord, do I!
It doesn't mean that your wife is unlovable, unattractive, or in any way unappealing! It doesn't mean that she won't find another good guy! It doesn't mean she'll find one straight away. What is likely, however, is that if she doesn't take the time to heal, she'll rush into another similar relationship. These things repeat themselves for a reason!
We can all learn something from breakups, and I'd encourage your wife to think about what she can take away from this when she's ready. Could be that next time she calls the person out on the slow fade earlier and gets closure. Could be that she pays attention to the signs. Could be that she knows what she's looking for in the next person, or even that
she won't pull a slow fade on someone she's not interested in after experiencing it herself. That's a lesson of mercy.
It sounds like your wife is hitting the self-destruct button right now with the wine and the flirtations! Haha. Bless her. Honestly? Now is the time to just... breathe. Focus on the self-love. Really, deeply finding that love from within herself and not basing her self-esteem on the feelings of one person out of billions of people. Focus on learning from this relationship and reflecting - spending that time looking inwards, especially if that feels uncomfortable.
When I went through a horrendous breakup two summers ago (yes, more breakups... and I'm totally hot and lovable ~winks~), I came across this beautiful Yoga programme. I challenge anyone not to feel more relaxed listening to this lovely woman speak. It left me feeling great about myself, so here are the links:
Ekhart Yoga
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bvr6SARO3g
http://www.ekhartyoga.com/
Also, there's a mantra on a massive bright blue image on this website that is really helping me to take the knocks of my current breakup right now! Get your wife to look at it and download the image as her cellphone wallpaper!
http://lovesagame.com/the-ultimate-goal-after-a-break-up/
Finally, if she really starts to despair after future breakups, direct her to this article. It really got me straightened out on what I want from a partner and how to take note when it's not heading in that direction:
http://www.trans4mind.com/counterpoint/index-communication-relationships/haden.shtml