What is worse?

SmileTexas

New member
I used to think that getting used to your wife having sex with her boyfriend was the worst.
I now know that your wife getting dumped by her boyfriend is twice as bad.
 
I think that only applies if the boyfriend is someone you like :) My ex-metamour dated a guy who showed up at her and her husband's doorway threatening my partner with a gun.

Pretty sure he was glad when she dumped him ;)
 
Boyfriend

It wasn't anything crazy.
He just started dating another girl and is doing the slow fade on her. He is a good guy as well. He always walks her to her car and is polite. It is just that the wife is taking it hard. She is going through the "no one loves me" or "no one thinks I am pretty" thing right now. She knows I do since I tell her all day but it doesn't help much.
I know when she gets a new guy she will be her chipper self again but if she gets a glass of wine or two into her, she either gets really really sad or if we are out, a little too flirty or wild in front of me. We have a strict rule about not dating in our circle so it does create some friction. A few minor rule infractions have happened but nothing I cant handle. I let her know if she breaks a rule or she will come tell me she is sorry. We have good communication.
I just want her to find another good guy so I can be over and done with the drama.

This also the first time that I have been seeing someone and she is not. That isn't helping the situation when I get a text message.
 
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Our metamours' actions really do affect us.
 
Creeper

Ugh.
Now she was shopping and a creeper wouldn't leave her alone and tried to pay for her items and insisted on pushing her cart to her car. She refused both but he wouldn't let up. He had a bad vibe. She burst into tears and ran out of the store.

Sometimes I just hate men. I am stockpiling a tons of hugs for her when she gets home.
 
Awwww, that sucks that that happened to her. Now of all times. :(

There are some scary men out there, I'll tell you what.
 
She might not find "another good guy" for months or even years. They don't grown on trees, ya know.

When my last man and I broke up I didn't even WANT to date another guy for months and months, I was too traumatized from the horror of my final months with him. But I didn't need another guy to feel "better," just needed me-time and lovin' from my gf and doing my hobbies... and time to cry.

I've just started getting my toes wet in the dating pool again and I am not ready for another serious relationship. Just want something casual. And it's been 6 months since my breakup.
 
Hi Smile,

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that your wife is going through this. Poly breakups can be really rough, especially when one of your partners is dating someone else. The slow fade is the damn worst.

If it's of any consolation to your lovely wife - tell her that she's not alone! I personally just had the immense pleasure of receiving a lovely "I just want casual, but please be available to spank me whenever I feel like it" email from someone I'd fallen for who had been pulling an excruciatingly slow fade on me for a few months. I understand what your wife is going through!! Oh Lord, do I!

It doesn't mean that your wife is unlovable, unattractive, or in any way unappealing! It doesn't mean that she won't find another good guy! It doesn't mean she'll find one straight away. What is likely, however, is that if she doesn't take the time to heal, she'll rush into another similar relationship. These things repeat themselves for a reason!

We can all learn something from breakups, and I'd encourage your wife to think about what she can take away from this when she's ready. Could be that next time she calls the person out on the slow fade earlier and gets closure. Could be that she pays attention to the signs. Could be that she knows what she's looking for in the next person, or even that she won't pull a slow fade on someone she's not interested in after experiencing it herself. That's a lesson of mercy.

It sounds like your wife is hitting the self-destruct button right now with the wine and the flirtations! Haha. Bless her. Honestly? Now is the time to just... breathe. Focus on the self-love. Really, deeply finding that love from within herself and not basing her self-esteem on the feelings of one person out of billions of people. Focus on learning from this relationship and reflecting - spending that time looking inwards, especially if that feels uncomfortable.

When I went through a horrendous breakup two summers ago (yes, more breakups... and I'm totally hot and lovable ~winks~), I came across this beautiful Yoga programme. I challenge anyone not to feel more relaxed listening to this lovely woman speak. It left me feeling great about myself, so here are the links:

Ekhart Yoga
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Bvr6SARO3g
http://www.ekhartyoga.com/

Also, there's a mantra on a massive bright blue image on this website that is really helping me to take the knocks of my current breakup right now! Get your wife to look at it and download the image as her cellphone wallpaper! ;)

http://lovesagame.com/the-ultimate-goal-after-a-break-up/

Finally, if she really starts to despair after future breakups, direct her to this article. It really got me straightened out on what I want from a partner and how to take note when it's not heading in that direction:
http://www.trans4mind.com/counterpoint/index-communication-relationships/haden.shtml
 
Thanks guys and gals.
I just want her to be happy and this whole thing is bringing us both down in the dumps. I will refer her to that article Sparkle and thanks for the personal experience Mags. Kdt Always there.
 
Boyfriend is finally gone

After dragging out the final separation with her boyfriend, they are finally not communicating anymore. I feel for her but I am so relieved because her spirits immediately went up again. However, it was so bad while the breakup was happening, I had to stop seeing my gal to stabilize my relationship with my wife. We didn't break it off completely but I told her we needed to take a break from seeing each other until my wife got better. It was my decision in the end and my wife never verbally said for me to do it but I could tell she would have slipped further into depression. I feel horrible and luckily the relationship with my girlfriend is new. The bad thing is that the new relationship is extremely intense.
This was horribly unfair to the gal that I am dating but I really thought it was a mental health issue with the wife. She is trying to taper off her anxiety medication which makes her a little more likely to go into deep depressions. I am encouraging her to find a new boyfriend that is nice rather than cool so she can get the attention she needs. Ultimately, the decision is hers.

My girlfriend is now going on dates with other guys but we communicate daily. Yesterday I had to laugh that my girlfriend was telling me about the date she went on because I cant date her because of my wife's boyfriend who started dating another girl which caused my wife to try to find another date which will free me up for dating.

YES. MONOGAMY IS EASIER MOST OF THE TIME.
 
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