Life's big surprises

Newobsession

New member
My monogamous marriage has been darn near perfect, I hear older couples with use the "more good years than bad" saying and I think how my spouse and I have bad days or weeks, but they have been few and far apart.

The only thing that has ever been missing from my relationship with my spouse is that animal passion that I have had with partners (lovers) in the past. I always figured she and I just didn't have that spark, worked around it, and settled into meaningful and compatible once or twice a week nookie.

I am the first and only person my spouse has ever had intercourse with, and on occasion (like maybe four or five times) the sex has that ultra hot passion. I don't know what led up to those amazing sessions but they almost seemed accidental, if that makes any sense at all.

Two weeks ago, something changed. My semi-responsive wife turned into a complete sex pot, going from "let me see if I can get interested in sex tonight with some erotica" to being ready for action at any time. I knew something was up, but am not one to ask too many questions as to not scare away this nightly better-than-vacation sex that had suddenly appeared into our life.

The sexual chemistry I had given up on was finally happening, and I was happy to be along for the ride.

My wife confessed to me early in our marriage, that the only man (boy?) to ever turn her on, in that panty-drenching way, was this guy who she had known from 8th grade to second year of college. During the course of their 11 + year relationship, they had never even arrived at the hand-holding stage, let alone first base.

I was maybe a little jealous, but glad to know that her getting that turned on was possible.

Well, he came back into her life early last year and they have kept in touch, and about two weeks ago they began sexting.... alot.

Last Sunday, she let me in on her "secret" and I was both emotionally crushed and excited for her at the same time. She showed me her phone, on my request. While my gut had told me for quite a while that their relationship possibly contained aspects that I would not be completely comfortable with, what I found completely blew me out of the water. They were having a full on romantic relationship via phone complete with video, pictures, I love you's and the "Is this going to move onto the next level?" conversation.

In the following few days, I have been sick to my stomach when not with her (I am on the road all day for my job), and since "coming out?" to me we have had nightly respectful and emotional conversations which were followed by the best sex we have ever had.

I am so glad she has had this awakening. She seems more complete as a being, as a woman. I'm proud of her and excited for her. It still really hurts though... but I must say today I feel that I am beginning to heal, and truly desire to forgive her for the pain this has caused me.

I can understand, thanks to what I have read here and elsewhere, that a person can truly have more than one person in their heart. I haven't asked her to end contact with him, just asked for limits on the "I love you" part of things and she has obliged.

I know we got off on the wrong foot, and I am not (yet) completely comfortable with the her loving another man, but I think I might learn to be OK with it, given that it remains healthy for her.

What’s next?
 
Hi Newobsession,

Poly arrangements often start out on the wrong foot ... for most of us are not properly trained on how to transition from monogamy to polyamory (considering most of us are told not to transition from monogamy at all). So don't feel awkward about that, most of the members here could probably tell similar stories about how their poly life got off to a rough start.

It is cool and generous of you to be willing to consider this second relationship your wife is having. It's a good sign that she's accepted the limits you asked her for. I suppose your next step is to read and post a lot on this forum, for that is how you will get more collective wisdom and knowledge about polyamory. There's some good books you can read too; you might want to consider them ... e.g.

  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
And yay for fired-up passion! :D Carry on ...
 
Back
Top