blackirish
New member
Hey guys,
I could really use some advice on my poly relationship. I appreciate any feedback. Here goes:
My best friend of over 20 years is poly and into BDSM. My best friend also happens to be the man who took my virginity when we were in high school. After that, we couldn't stop. We carried on a sexual relationship for well over 10 years. There was always another woman in his life and while I was deeply in love with him, I never knew how he felt about me. Mostly because I was too chicken to ask. Our sexual relationship stopped when I got married. Out of respect for my husband and the closeness of our relationship, he began referring to me as his sister. I was still mono at the time and we both respected that boundary. I never fell out of love with him however.
I have recently gotten divorced. He was there for me and helped through this tough time in my life. His long term relationship also just ended. We reconnected in a big way and it is as if no time has passed. Now that I am out of a mono marriage, I have discovered that I am also poly and he has helped me guide me through this as well. Our sex life is amazing for lack of a better word. I am head over heels for this man. He continues to call me his sister. Friends with benefits which is too shallow for what we share and we have known each other far to long to be considered dating. He lives in another state but we have managed to see each other every month for the last six months.
Over the last month, I feel our relationship has shifted towards something more romantic (maybe I'm imagining it??). He is dating another girl whom I adore however, I have expressed the need to be his primary. After 20 years, I feel we have reached that stage. My problem is this: even after asking him point blank how he feels, he has not verbally stated that he is ready to take a step together as a poly couple. He has made a few comments about my being his best friend and lover in conjunction with people in the poly community understanding that you don't come between that while his girlfriend would be approachable since they are just dating. He has made several comments that make me think he feels more for me than just a best friend and lover. I have asked him about meeting other poly couples together and he agreed instantly. My question is this: Is there ever a right time to ask about being a primary? Is there a right way to tell someone you would like to be their primary? I want to continue to date other people and of course I want him to date whomever he pleases but he is the person I want to wake up to every day. Any advice would be SO appreciated!! Thank you!
Irish
I could really use some advice on my poly relationship. I appreciate any feedback. Here goes:
My best friend of over 20 years is poly and into BDSM. My best friend also happens to be the man who took my virginity when we were in high school. After that, we couldn't stop. We carried on a sexual relationship for well over 10 years. There was always another woman in his life and while I was deeply in love with him, I never knew how he felt about me. Mostly because I was too chicken to ask. Our sexual relationship stopped when I got married. Out of respect for my husband and the closeness of our relationship, he began referring to me as his sister. I was still mono at the time and we both respected that boundary. I never fell out of love with him however.
I have recently gotten divorced. He was there for me and helped through this tough time in my life. His long term relationship also just ended. We reconnected in a big way and it is as if no time has passed. Now that I am out of a mono marriage, I have discovered that I am also poly and he has helped me guide me through this as well. Our sex life is amazing for lack of a better word. I am head over heels for this man. He continues to call me his sister. Friends with benefits which is too shallow for what we share and we have known each other far to long to be considered dating. He lives in another state but we have managed to see each other every month for the last six months.
Over the last month, I feel our relationship has shifted towards something more romantic (maybe I'm imagining it??). He is dating another girl whom I adore however, I have expressed the need to be his primary. After 20 years, I feel we have reached that stage. My problem is this: even after asking him point blank how he feels, he has not verbally stated that he is ready to take a step together as a poly couple. He has made a few comments about my being his best friend and lover in conjunction with people in the poly community understanding that you don't come between that while his girlfriend would be approachable since they are just dating. He has made several comments that make me think he feels more for me than just a best friend and lover. I have asked him about meeting other poly couples together and he agreed instantly. My question is this: Is there ever a right time to ask about being a primary? Is there a right way to tell someone you would like to be their primary? I want to continue to date other people and of course I want him to date whomever he pleases but he is the person I want to wake up to every day. Any advice would be SO appreciated!! Thank you!
Irish