Thank you of more info. I don't think it changes my overall advice much. You have to decide where you want to spend your time and energy. If therapy is just going to be a NEW way of dragging things out... maybe it is ok not to bother?
You are the one there in the situation. You have to be the one to make the call since you are the one who knows what is going on. I hope if you do decide to pursue therapy if can help you guys solve all these problems. It sounds like a lot.
He said I should have done it long ago so he wouldnt have been traumatized by my anger and jealousy.
What's Marcus' problem? How this behavior supposed to HELP? He expects you to just dance attendance on him even if it costs you bigly and not deal with your own needs?
He prefers to keep shifting blame on to you rather than appreciating that things have gotten better for him now that you are working on it?
He prefers to keep shifting blame rather than apologizing for his share of the situation making?
What's he doing to help move this forward? What's he doing to help keep it in the stuck?
But he told me he might chose not to see me any more or not be intimate. Or see my metamour instead on our days if I saw someone else so I was to afraid, I didnt want him to leave, I also wanted to enjoy the time alone but I ended up being miserable and feeling left out and abandoned on nights he was with her.
If you guys are going to counseling, I hope you work this problem out. Because he was trying to hold you emotionally hostage. Like damned if you do, damned if you don't. He was part of the reason why you didn't do it sooner. Not the only reason, but part of it.
I thought he was saying that to control me and get me to not have sex with anyone else, he seemed like he is ok if it was a woman but not a man.
He IS trying to control you and get you not to have sex with anyone else. He has his OWN jealousy baggage to work through. He is doing "pot calling the kettle black" and pointing out your own struggles with jealousy. But doesn't seem to own that HE is sometimes the one provoking that very response with his behavior toward you.
Now I'm confused, hes mad I didnt do it long ago, would have left me if I did but also didnt want to deal.with my emotions if i didnt , and we wlare about to go to couples counseling... we where on the verge of breaking, deteriorating alot but things have been better since I started seeing June.
Well, what do YOU want to do?
Is it still worth the cost and time investment of therapy to you? You think it will be fruitful? Or do you think it will just drag things on so just break up and be done sooner rather than later?
Is this guy a healthy partner to date? Or just too much work?
Like... you don't want to get a "fixer upper house." You want a "move in ready house." Maybe "fresh coat of paint" fixing but not like redo the plumbing AND the AC AND the carpet AND paint AND....
So maybe you don't want a "fixer upper partner who behaves this way with the blaming and damned if you do, damned if you don't stuff."
Do you want a partner who already has it together?
Is dating June easier than dating Marcus?
I think you may have to do some soul searching. Whatever path you pick, I hope it works out ok for you in the end.
Hang in there!
Galagirl