Hi everyone
Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this. My wife and I have been together 9 years and only in the past few months talked about non-monogamy. I'll list our situation below and hope to get some good advice from people way more experienced in this than we are! We've messed up pretty early that's all, as you'll see below.
1. 6 months ago, my wife and I had some issues and were living together still but during a conversation we talked about potentially being 'separated'. Anyway, my wife slept with another guy, which she hid and I found out about. We continued living and sleeping together but clearly this was a big problem and the catalyst for our relationship changing.
2. We agreed to work things out and it wasn't a 'score settling' issue but we talked about me sleeping with another woman to see how it feels and then exploring non-monogamy together, as a couple.
3. We didn't want to make too many rules (mistake, we know now) but talked about bringing someone back to our apartment. Initially we said no and then casually talked about it being ok. We didn't make any rules one way or another which was a mistake, clearly.
4. This past weekend, I invited a woman over to our place (my wife knew about her and that I would be seeing her soon but we hadn't agreed on a date/place) and we slept together. My wife was in Vegas with friends and couldn't get in touch with me as I made a point of not dealing with my phone while I was with this woman. My wife made the assumption part way through the night that I must be sleeping with someone (as we always return each others' texts) and so she decided the only way to feel better about that was to sleep with another guy at the same time, which she did.
5. Clearly, we have both fucked up here. I've had a woman at our apartment without it being clearly agreed beforehand (although we talked about it being ok casually). My wife slept with someone without knowing I was doing the same but based on that assumption. "If you push me into a corner like this, this is how I will always react" were her words.
Not looking to see who is right/wrong (obviously we've had that argument) but looking to get perspective and work out if it's possible to get past this and come up with something to ensure it doesn't happen again. Better communication seems the most obvious thing!
Also open to the possibility that our relationship might not work. Seems like the past 6 months have been the worst time we've had together, even though we both like the idea of non-monogamy.
thank you!
Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this. My wife and I have been together 9 years and only in the past few months talked about non-monogamy. I'll list our situation below and hope to get some good advice from people way more experienced in this than we are! We've messed up pretty early that's all, as you'll see below.
1. 6 months ago, my wife and I had some issues and were living together still but during a conversation we talked about potentially being 'separated'. Anyway, my wife slept with another guy, which she hid and I found out about. We continued living and sleeping together but clearly this was a big problem and the catalyst for our relationship changing.
2. We agreed to work things out and it wasn't a 'score settling' issue but we talked about me sleeping with another woman to see how it feels and then exploring non-monogamy together, as a couple.
3. We didn't want to make too many rules (mistake, we know now) but talked about bringing someone back to our apartment. Initially we said no and then casually talked about it being ok. We didn't make any rules one way or another which was a mistake, clearly.
4. This past weekend, I invited a woman over to our place (my wife knew about her and that I would be seeing her soon but we hadn't agreed on a date/place) and we slept together. My wife was in Vegas with friends and couldn't get in touch with me as I made a point of not dealing with my phone while I was with this woman. My wife made the assumption part way through the night that I must be sleeping with someone (as we always return each others' texts) and so she decided the only way to feel better about that was to sleep with another guy at the same time, which she did.
5. Clearly, we have both fucked up here. I've had a woman at our apartment without it being clearly agreed beforehand (although we talked about it being ok casually). My wife slept with someone without knowing I was doing the same but based on that assumption. "If you push me into a corner like this, this is how I will always react" were her words.
Not looking to see who is right/wrong (obviously we've had that argument) but looking to get perspective and work out if it's possible to get past this and come up with something to ensure it doesn't happen again. Better communication seems the most obvious thing!
Also open to the possibility that our relationship might not work. Seems like the past 6 months have been the worst time we've had together, even though we both like the idea of non-monogamy.
thank you!