Level of involvement VS resources

Unfortunately, many men leave it to the woman to manage the relationship and home life so they can pursue career and hobbies. I know this seems very sexist of me to say that, but it's still very common, and usually guys like that tend to think that just being in the relationship is enough, without making adequate efforts to nurture it.

It's not sexist of you to say that! It's true - and it's the male behaviour you described that is sexist. And thank you for pointing it out.
 
Re (from SuddenlyStoneElf):
"When I asked, it really sounded as though if I wasn't going to support him 100% and help him achieve those goals in every possible way, including letting go of doubt / not even asking how he'll accomplish all this, I shouldn't be there."

So, I take it that unless you're 100% (mentally, emotionally, and physically) behind this plan of his, he's going to break up with you?

Re: his proposed wife and kids ... he plans to support them financially but not in any other way? (e.g. with any of his time or attention) Just trying to wrap my mind around what his plans look like.
 
Re (from SuddenlyStoneElf):
So, I take it that unless you're 100% (mentally, emotionally, and physically) behind this plan of his, he's going to break up with you?

Re: his proposed wife and kids ... he plans to support them financially but not in any other way? (e.g. with any of his time or attention) Just trying to wrap my mind around what his plans look like.


We've already decided on getting a divorce when the first of us moves out, and you're essentially correct.
I have to be 100% behind whatever he decides to do even if I'm not privy to what rollercoaster it entails.


I have no clue how he plans to support anyone in his future, this invisible part of the rollercoaster makes me unwilling to engage in anything further with him at this point and I intend to stick to that.

To me it doesn't make any sense to say "Hey, we should be together and do all of this together regardless of whether we both have our heads screwed on properly!" I've had that type of past relationship where the guy just wanted me to abandon my studies and go live with him in Ireland without a means to earn a living to my name. I didn't go. Man, I wonder why?!? :/


I'm not sure it's possible to understand the whole situation right now when my ex is unable or unwilling to explain his view of things...
 
I think you made the best decision for you that you can at this point in it items with data to hand.

He wants to do lots of stuff that seems more than he can chew to you with no plan, resources or reasonable timeline for achieving these things. He wants you to be 100% behind him. He will not reassure or make a plan or explain or anything to help you become more able to do so.

You do not want to live in a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of way.

So you both agree to divorce.

To me it sounded like you were struggling to come to terms with it in your mind... Which is ok. Sometimes it takes some time to organize thoughts and clarify feelings before one can be resolved.

If you guys can be friends as exes time will tell. That is all stuff of Future.

For the Present, could deal with the job in front of you... Moving out and Filing for divorce. Sounds like you have a workable plan for the present and can move on to executing it now.

Hang in there as you make this next transition.

Galagirl
 
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Re (from SuddenlyStoneElf):
"I'm not sure it's possible to understand the whole situation right now when my ex is unable or unwilling to explain his view of things ..."

Huh. Well, since he's not sharing the details, I guess we'll assume he knows what he's doing and let him prove it however he will.

Any idea if he plans to keep in touch with you after the divorce? How thorough will this breakup be?

I guess some people just like to make it up as they go along. Others of us are planners. Perhaps your (soon-to-be) ex just doesn't like to make concrete plans. He's an intuitive type.

Which perhaps works as long as the Universe and one's intuition are in sync! :eek:
 
Re (from SuddenlyStoneElf):
I guess some people just like to make it up as they go along. Others of us are planners. Perhaps your (soon-to-be) ex just doesn't like to make concrete plans. He's an intuitive type.

Which perhaps works as long as the Universe and one's intuition are in sync! :eek:


I am looking for resources to understand how he works... the fact that he's intuitive and hopes for the best seems soooo risky to me...

I'd love to get to know more people like that so I can have a sense of what it means to live as such... It feels pretty Amanda Palmer-ish to me! Which is scary...

Even if we're breaking up I doubt I will stop being curious about him (I still love him even if I'm more frustrated in the foreground!)
 
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