Something is bugging me about Sweet Lady

Does it bother you that your coffee time alone with bud was interrupted?

No, it didn't bother me that she joined us. If Bud had stayed in bed again and not had coffee with me at all that would have bothered me.

Edited to add:

We have 4 kids so I got used to not having Bud alone many years ago. Others around doesn't bother me as long as Bud is present. So our coffee time in the mornings usually involves at least 1, if not all of the kids anyway.
 
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Your getting your coffee time with bud and her spending the night and being woken is part of the price of this type of relationship. Happy metaphors happy life, as long as it isn't unreasonable.

Honesty, let them worry about their relationship. You let bud know a simple request, he heard you wants you happy, take that pleasure.
 
Another Update

So last night all 3 of us talked for a few minutes then Sweet Lady and I talked while Bud was in the other room. Sweet Lady and I also talked this morning after she read a letter I wrote to her. Then Bud and I talked after Sweet Lady went to work. I'm feeling better that we talked but conflicted about what to do with the information we talked about in regards to a relationship between her and I. I'm going to sit on it for a little while until it processes through my head before reacting.

Sweet Lady is having some difficulties with being told by a family member of her's that she will always be second in her relationship with Bud. I don't think this family member knows anything about her and I. I think she presented it to this family member the same way she did her children in the beginning. But I'm not 100% certain of that. Anyhow, I've told her that she is new without the history Bud and I have together. So it will take time for her to have a connection with him the way that I do. We don't want there to be a hierarchy in the relationships.

I sent this link to her so she could read it which she said is a lot of how she's feeling. How else do I help her to feel important, loved and wanted without either interfering in things with her and Bud or putting myself into an uncomfortable spot?
 
Let her work out her own feelings stop trying to micromanage relationships.
 
You can be a sympathetic ear. Address any concerns between the two of you.

But as for her feelings and how to deal with things that do not involve you she is a grown up and needs to work through her own feelings and fight her own battles. It is not your job to save her.
 
Re (from Emmy37):
"I've told her that she is new without the history Bud and I have together. So it will take time for her to have a connection with him the way that I do. We don't want there to be a hierarchy in the relationships."

If you told her all of those things, then I think you told her what you needed to tell her, and what she needed to hear. Beyond that you could just say, "I am sorry you are hurting at this time." But I think what Dagferi means is that at some point you have to let her work it out in her own way. We've already established that she won't be able to feel like an equal right now, because she actually is a newcomer in the relationship. The only solution to that problem requires the passing of time. So there is no solution right this instant. I guess it sounds cold but I think she's gonna have to deal for awhile, until she's invested some more sweat equity into the relationship. Then she can be -- and feel like -- an equal. That's the solution to the problem.

You can no more change that reality than you could alter the course of the Sun in the sky. The best you can do is offer her some sympathy and encourage her to look forward to the future. At least that's the best I can think of.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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