Hey all, I'm Kallahan and I'm new to this site as well as new to the world of polyamory. So maybe the question I'm about to ask is a bit naive, but everyone has to start somewhere, right?
I'd been thinking about the situations in a polyamorous relationship that might cause jealousy within me and how I can healthily deal with that jealousy in such a way that doesn't harm my relationship or my partner. Because lets be real, even in a polyamorous relationship people get jealous because jealousy is a human emotion. For me personally, I've found that jealousy is rooted in insecurity. The only real reason that it might bother me that my partner wants to be with someone else, emotionally or physically, is that it makes me feel like they don't want me as much, or that I'm not good/fulfilling enough for them. So if I know that my partner really cares about me, and I feel comfortable in my relationship with them, I know that them loving other people doesn't change their love for me. This can be as simple as just communicating to my partner how I'm feeling and asking for some extra TLC and validation to remind myself and reaffirm that the other person their with doesn't make them love me less.
But it has occurred to me that it's possible that my partner could find someone that they love MORE than they love me. So, sure they care about me, but not as deeply as they care about this other person. And then all of a sudden I've gone from being one of their primary partners to being a secondary. I have no idea how I would handle this kind of situation, because I know it would make me feel rejected and not good enough for them, and VERY jealous of the other person whom they care for more.
TLDR;
How do you handle/cope with a partner finding someone they like better than you and not wanting you as much anymore? Are there steps you can take in a relationship to ensure this doesn't occur?
I'd been thinking about the situations in a polyamorous relationship that might cause jealousy within me and how I can healthily deal with that jealousy in such a way that doesn't harm my relationship or my partner. Because lets be real, even in a polyamorous relationship people get jealous because jealousy is a human emotion. For me personally, I've found that jealousy is rooted in insecurity. The only real reason that it might bother me that my partner wants to be with someone else, emotionally or physically, is that it makes me feel like they don't want me as much, or that I'm not good/fulfilling enough for them. So if I know that my partner really cares about me, and I feel comfortable in my relationship with them, I know that them loving other people doesn't change their love for me. This can be as simple as just communicating to my partner how I'm feeling and asking for some extra TLC and validation to remind myself and reaffirm that the other person their with doesn't make them love me less.
But it has occurred to me that it's possible that my partner could find someone that they love MORE than they love me. So, sure they care about me, but not as deeply as they care about this other person. And then all of a sudden I've gone from being one of their primary partners to being a secondary. I have no idea how I would handle this kind of situation, because I know it would make me feel rejected and not good enough for them, and VERY jealous of the other person whom they care for more.
TLDR;
How do you handle/cope with a partner finding someone they like better than you and not wanting you as much anymore? Are there steps you can take in a relationship to ensure this doesn't occur?