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Old 08-13-2018, 05:19 PM
pineappleofmyeye2 pineappleofmyeye2 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Indiana, US
Posts: 2
Default Hello!

Hello everyone!

I'm so glad I found this site to connect with other poly people.

I am a 35 yo married woman. My husband and I have been practicing non-monogamy for the last year of our 11 year relationship. We have had a few ups and downs, but have luckily been able to work through everything and are in a very happy place now.

I have a few male friends who I see occasionally, and my husband has a girlfriend who he has been seeing for a while now. I am also dating her, and we are hopefully on our way to forming a nice little triad here soon! She actually is setting me up with her husband and we are going on a double date next Saturday. I'm really excited!

I have started to read both The Ethical Slut and More Than Two, and those both have really great advice. I'm mostly looking to connect with other poly people who are in the same boat as me.

I am not out to my family, only to a select few friends. I see us coming out sooner rather than later though and it worries me how my parents will react. We do have a 7 yo daughter, and I feel like they will not understand. Our daughter has met my husbands gf but as one of our friends, not as a gf. I would love any tips for introducing families to the poly lifestyle!
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  #2  
Old 08-13-2018, 09:27 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,276
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Greetings pineappleofmyeye2,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you may be headed for a nice triad or even a quad. It's great that you're doing your homework, hopefully Polyamory.com can be a part of that. You may find https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ-8ocmtb_8 to be helpful as far as coming out to your parents. Coming out to your daughter should actually be simpler. You just say, "So-and-So is Dad's girlfriend, Dad and Mom sometimes have girlfriends and boyfriends but we still love each other and we love you, we'll still be together and we'll still take care of you." Kids, especially young kids, usually don't care so much about the broad ramifications of polyamory, they just want to know how it's going to affect them (the kids). If things aren't going to change much (or at all) for your daughter, then she probably won't need (or even want) a big long speech from you. That's how it usually goes anyway.

If you'll keep us posted as your situation evolves, we can give you updated feedback and advice. You can get the most responses, from the most different people, by posting in Poly Relationships Corner. If you have any questions for me just let me know, I'll try to answer. I'm glad to have you with us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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  #3  
Old 08-14-2018, 11:04 AM
sunray sunray is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 163
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Welcome!

My kiddo was seven when I explained my poly to her. As Kevin says, it wasn’t that much of a big deal. It is important to come out to other people first, in my opinion, because expecting kids to keep secrets is... well. I’m pretty strongly against it!

Glad you found this forum; hope you get a lot out of it!
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--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (40/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (37/M/cis/het/poly--married 11yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--boyfriend 1.5 years, LDR... for the moment)
MightyCupcake (35/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, married to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
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  #4  
Old 08-16-2018, 03:00 PM
senry senry is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pineappleofmyeye2 View Post
Hello everyone!

I'm so glad I found this site to connect with other poly people.

I am a 35 yo married woman. My husband and I have been practicing non-monogamy for the last year of our 11 year relationship. We have had a few ups and downs, but have luckily been able to work through everything and are in a very happy place now.

I have a few male friends who I see occasionally, and my husband has a girlfriend who he has been seeing for a while now. I am also dating her, and we are hopefully on our way to forming a nice little triad here soon! She actually is setting me up with her husband and we are going on a double date next Saturday. I'm really excited!

I have started to read both The Ethical Slut and More Than Two, and those both have really great advice. I'm mostly looking to connect with other poly people who are in the same boat as me.

I am not out to my family, only to a select few friends. I see us coming out sooner rather than later though and it worries me how my parents will react. We do have a 7 yo daughter, and I feel like they will not understand. Our daughter has met my husbands gf but as one of our friends, not as a gf. I would love any tips for introducing families to the poly lifestyle!

Congrats on your upcoming double date! I just met my wife's boyfriend and his wife last weekend, and we all really seemed to hit it off and had a great time. My wife and I have also had our ups and downs, but since she's been in this relationship, things seemed to have stabilized, and like you, we're in a happier place.

And as sunray and kdt26417 said, poly is a lot more problematic to adults than it is to kids. I grew up in a poly family, and it seemed natural to me. All that I knew was that I was loved and nurtured by everybody involved and felt secure and stable. That's what kids need, and as long as they get it, the form of the family is much less important. There were some extended family members who stopped coming around when they found out about my parents' lifestyle, but as a child, it didn't bother me. It might have bothered my parents, but at least it sifted out those who really cared about them from those who put tradition above everything else. You find out who your family and friends really are, but of course that's not to say coming out is easy.

Anyway, good luck on Saturday!
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