grew up in this type of family

senry

New member
I'm a 27 year old male and I grew up with polyamorous parents, although I never heard the term used then. I don't have anything bad at all to say about it, and I'm trying to make a polyamorous marriage work now.

I never had a chance to really talk to them about it, but as far as I know, my parents tried to make a monogamous marriage work until I was about 8 years old (I was their only child). Then my mom started seeing a widower, Carl. He had a son a couple years younger than myself. For the rest of my childhood, my family basically consisted of Mom, Dad, Carl, and his son, Josh, whom I still consider a brother.

Dad and Carl were hetero and Mom was the hinge. They both loved her dearly, and she loved them. Carl maintained his own home, but he spent a lot of nights at our house, and vice versa. We all had weekend barbecues together, and went on short trips and vacations together when everbody could time it right. Carl and my dad helped work on each other's houses (both places were fixer-uppers). It was a really great childhood. Everybody had a good sense of humor and seemed easygoing and content. Josh and I were spoiled rotten. Whenever Carl would buy Josh some toy, he bought the same one for me, and my dad did the same with Josh. Josh and I only live about 100 miles from each other now, and we still talk today about how secure and loved we felt.

I wish I could talk to my parents and Carl, but in they have all passed away in the last five years. Mom and Carl died in a car accident, and Dad died of a heart attack a few years later which I really believe was partly brought on by grief. It's been a tough time, but I've kept busy working while trying to finish my master's. I've also been married for two years to a woman I met in college.

My wife and I have a lot in common and we get along great. Her parents had more of an open marriage rather than poly, and she grew up with that as a norm. The problem, which she acknowledges, is that her relationships with other guys tend to become monogamous until they run their course. She'll meet somone, and remain sexually intimate with me for a while, but then she begins to refuse my advances, even if the guy she's with knows me, likes me, and has no problem with her being with me. After a few months, she seems to get bored with him, and we rekindle the intimacy and romance in our relationship. When she's not in the monogamous phase with someone else, she insists she loves me and wants to grow old with me. My fear is that she'll fall in love permanently someday.

Anyway, I don't want to go on too long. I haven't had much time in my life to participate in forums or anything until now, but I'm really glad I found this one.

senry
 
Hi, senry, and welcome to the forum. It has proven a great source of support for me over the past year, and I hope you'll find it equally valuable. :)

My wife and I have a lot in common and we get along great. The problem, which she acknowledges, is that her relationships with other guys tend to become monogamous until they run their course. She'll meet somone, and remain sexually intimate with me for a while, but then she begins to refuse my advances. After a few months, she seems to get bored with him, and we rekindle the intimacy and romance in our relationship. When she's not in the monogamous phase with someone else, she insists she loves me and wants to grow old with me. My fear is that she'll fall in love permanently someday.

I don't want to use the term NRE junkie, but despite being non-monogamous, it's possible your wife is monoamorous/monosexual, and can only really feel attraction (physical and/or emotional) for one person at a time.

It's a shame this means your needs are essentially put on the back-burner during the height of her NRE with other men. :( I could see how her behaviour might make you feel like you're the "stand by" guy. You don't mention whether or not YOU have other partners, but if so, I hope these relationships go some way to fulfilling your need for intimacy during the times your wife is preoccupied with a new lover.

Please continue to post here, in particular in Relationship Corner if you have specific concerns/questions about your situation.
 
Hi, senry, and welcome to the forum. It has proven a great source of support for me over the past year, and I hope you'll find it equally valuable. :)



I don't want to use the term NRE junkie, but despite being non-monogamous, it's possible your wife is monoamorous/monosexual, and can only really feel attraction (physical and/or emotional) for one person at a time.

It's a shame this means your needs are essentially put on the back-burner during the height of her NRE with other men. :( I could see how her behaviour might make you feel like you're the "stand by" guy. You don't mention whether or not YOU have other partners, but if so, I hope these relationships go some way to fulfilling your need for intimacy during the times your wife is preoccupied with a new lover.

Please continue to post here, in particular in Relationship Corner if you have specific concerns/questions about your situation.

Thanks, lunabunny.

Yes, I wonder if my wife is a serial monogamist at heart. I do think she loves me and we have a special bond, but she can get very infatuated and for awhile, and feel the need to be exclusive. I have had other partners while she's in this infatuated state, but I'd prefer not to have to. I guess for whatever reason, part of me would like to recreate the MFM hinge my parents had, but I might end up with a secondary partner of my own at some point
 
Greetings senry,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You have certainly had some difficulties in recent years, I am very sorry you lost your parents and Carl, so young. Also, I am sorry that your wife refuses your advances when she is seeing someone else, that's got to hurt. I hope Polyamory.com can help in some small way.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi senry - and welcome to the Forum. You certainly have met with significant challenges in your twenties, with the loss of your parents and their long time partner, as well as challenges in your own non-monogamous marriage. I lost both my parents at a young age also, so I certainly do sympathize with the sense of loss that entails. Hopefully, you will find support and a sense of community here on the Forum. It has been of great benefit to me - aiding in my transition to poly after my wife unexpectedly asked me to open our marriage about a year and a half ago (full story in link below).

We do have a number of experienced poly folks who are generally helpful and friendly, so please do not hesitate to post any specific thoughts or questions that you may have. Both the Poly Relationships Corner and General Poly Discussion sections are quite active.

Best of luck on your journey! Al
 
Thanks for everyone's responses. I really appreciate the friendly welcomes. I've been doing a lot of reading here and it's good to see the variety of experiences. I know my wife and I have some things to work on, and there's a lot of good information and ideas here. I'm looking forward to participating.
 
Welcome, senry, and thank you for your post. I am a polyamorous parent of two young children and I am so happy to hear “success” stories like yours.
 
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