So from what I see you all advice me to break up. the big problem is the hope. The hope that she will love me, the hope that she just needs time to trust me, or the hope that eventually she will change if I continue to stay near her.
I'm not sure that is hope. To me it sounds like bargaining stage in the
stages of grief. Like you are starting to see the writing the wall, but just aren't ready to end it. It's ok to be sad that things aren't working out. Maybe you need more time sitting with sadness before you move on to action.
You are in charge of your choices. Right now you are wavering back and forth and that seems to ADD to your upset. I think you could make a decision and go with it so it reduces some of the upset from the "wavering" part of it.
If sticking with this is what you want to do? Then do it with a time frame in mind. The price of admission is putting up with being a certain level of unhappy because you don't really want an Open relationship and you don't like the idea of her having another BF. You are ok with her having one night stands, but not another BF. But you choose to put up with a bit longer in order while you wait out your time frame.
If you do
not like putting up with that stuff, then end it NOW. You can tell her that if she eventually wants you to be her one and only BF, she can look you up.
That's is hard to break up too.. I mean until now I broke up with a lot of girls just because I knew that are not good for me, but with this girl is hard to do that because she don't open in front of me too much about her feelings.
Is that what you would like from a GF? One that opens up to you about her feelings? Then this one doesn't do that, so she does not make the cut, and that's a reason to let her go. You get limited emotional intimacy here.
You cannot be on the fence forever, with your life paused. This is not a dress rehearsal. You only get the one Life. If you are going to wait, give yourself a time limit. If you are past your time limit already? End it. Don't drag it out.
And the most important thing : she gets very gealous if I just flirt with other girls. That means what??
That means she gets jealous and has to process her jealousy on her own time.
If what she wants is Open for her, and Closed for you, that's a double standard. And another reason to break up if you do not like double standards in your relationships.
I think you need to make up your mind how you want to deal with this.
- You choose to wait some more, but give it an actual time limit so you aren't hanging around forever waiting on her to decide she wants to Close and be with you. You might be willing to give it a few more weeks or months, but probably not a few DECADES, right? You could tell yourself "I don't love this, but I am going to give it another X weeks to be sure. If X weeks passes and nothing changes, then I choose to end it so I can heal."
- You end it now because you don't want to wait around any more or it isn't looking likely
Galagirl