So I've been *around* for a while. Ups and downs, practicing some version of nonmonogamy since 2012 now. Divorced, remarried happily (2 months!) to a wonderful man who I've been with for four years.
Our relationship agreements from the beginning were to be open & poly. I had other partners when we met (although those relationships changed shape), he didn't. We've both had other sexual partners, some shared and some not, but it was much more in the context of going to swinger's clubs or casual hookups at parties or events.
Due to wedding planning and such, we've both been relatively monogamous for the past year or so. We've had the occasional hookup, but very rarely. I've noticed that I miss having other intimate connections in my life. I talked to him about it, and let him know that I'm missing both the occasional casual sex, and also just generally more connections. He is very supportive of me pursuing something, whether that turns into a shared casual sex partner for the two of us or if I find a deeper connection for myself.
The issue is that I'm having is that I'm feeling ways about all this. While we have been open our entire time together, the only poly relationships I've had were preexisting. And I haven't really had to deal with him having a romantic relationship at all- the closest thing he had which was much more of a best friend with benefits imploded because the close friend decided to be a cowboy and freak about us getting married, and now is not in our lives.
So I have all the monogamy programming ringing in my head, like it would be different if I had MET someone, but because I'm actively wanting to look but with nothing specific in mind does that mean there's something wrong with us? Is this going to damage my connection with my husband? How will this change our marriage? How would I feel if this was happening the other way around? Well- I think I would be hurt a little in the identical reverse situation or at least feel out of sorts even though I would be supportive.
I don't know. I'm not really sure how to deal with these feelings. There is no other "someone" yet, although I am chatting with a number of people. And I want to pursue something. And while I am open to FWB I am kinda feeling like I would really like a more meaningful relationship if things work that way.
I'm not really looking for anything specific either. What does that mean, that it's not say one specific need that I feel is lacking but that I still want a new connection?
My husband is my best friend and I love him. Our relationship is very strong and I'm not worried about losing him. But I still have this mess of feelings. I even said to him today that it doesn't make sense that I'm the one who is upset over me looking for someone new
I'd appreciate any thoughts or comments! Thanks.
Our relationship agreements from the beginning were to be open & poly. I had other partners when we met (although those relationships changed shape), he didn't. We've both had other sexual partners, some shared and some not, but it was much more in the context of going to swinger's clubs or casual hookups at parties or events.
Due to wedding planning and such, we've both been relatively monogamous for the past year or so. We've had the occasional hookup, but very rarely. I've noticed that I miss having other intimate connections in my life. I talked to him about it, and let him know that I'm missing both the occasional casual sex, and also just generally more connections. He is very supportive of me pursuing something, whether that turns into a shared casual sex partner for the two of us or if I find a deeper connection for myself.
The issue is that I'm having is that I'm feeling ways about all this. While we have been open our entire time together, the only poly relationships I've had were preexisting. And I haven't really had to deal with him having a romantic relationship at all- the closest thing he had which was much more of a best friend with benefits imploded because the close friend decided to be a cowboy and freak about us getting married, and now is not in our lives.
So I have all the monogamy programming ringing in my head, like it would be different if I had MET someone, but because I'm actively wanting to look but with nothing specific in mind does that mean there's something wrong with us? Is this going to damage my connection with my husband? How will this change our marriage? How would I feel if this was happening the other way around? Well- I think I would be hurt a little in the identical reverse situation or at least feel out of sorts even though I would be supportive.
I don't know. I'm not really sure how to deal with these feelings. There is no other "someone" yet, although I am chatting with a number of people. And I want to pursue something. And while I am open to FWB I am kinda feeling like I would really like a more meaningful relationship if things work that way.
I'm not really looking for anything specific either. What does that mean, that it's not say one specific need that I feel is lacking but that I still want a new connection?
My husband is my best friend and I love him. Our relationship is very strong and I'm not worried about losing him. But I still have this mess of feelings. I even said to him today that it doesn't make sense that I'm the one who is upset over me looking for someone new
I'd appreciate any thoughts or comments! Thanks.