Mignonne
New member
I am presently in a relationship with a couple and it's fairly complicated.*
The thing that is the most troublesome about it right now, is that the issues they (Igor and Baby) are having in their relationship also effect my relationship and interactions with both of them.
Yet, I have NO clue what's going on half the time because they won't talk to me about it. I'm left in the dark because it "has nothing to do with me," but it's having a ripple effect.
Communication shuts down, he is irate or detached and I am left on the sidelines feeling the tension and negative energy. So usually until their issue is worked through, intimacy shuts down and I kinda... don't exist until it's solved.
I don't want to butt-in on their personal business... (is it theirs? ours?) but sometimes, it really puts a wrench in the gears and I'm left not knowing what to do. I am helpless, and I have no tools with which to fix the situation.
I only have a vague idea of what's going on, and it has something to do with Baby's behavior. She's a bit delayed, maturity-wise... but, other than that I only get snippets of these altercations.
For example, Igor and I were having a really lovely evening the other night. Energy was good and we were both in high spirits. Then... I don't even know what, she called or texted him something. And all I could hear was her nondescript wailing in the background. He went outside to talk to her and by the time he got back, everything just shut down.
I will sometimes timidly ask him or her, but the response I always get is "We needed to talk" or "It's between her and I, it doesn't have anything to do with you." This is usually followed by her not really speaking to me (because they're working it out?) and him just zoning out and being detached, and then they have like more talks and private time. Sometimes this cycle only takes a day, sometimes longer, until I can re-engage on an intimate level without their being occupied by whatever is happening.
I really do not know what to do. As I type this, right now, I am lying in bed and they're having an argument. I saw Igor for a bit and he just said it's an issue they've been having for a couple months and he didn't want to talk about it. I quietly nodded and I guess they're going to spend time tonight.
He groaned something about having two girlfriends, and I just stared sort of blankly because I had been only resting quietly in bed.
Like, does any of this make sense? Do I have a right to know... any of it? It's messing with my relationship progression with him, and my friendship with her, and our ability to help eachother. I'm stressed, and I can't really afford to be with my health and all... I want to do or say something but I feel like I can't.
It's moments like these that make me loathe being a secondary, when I was recently told I was equal to all parties. I'm sorry I'm upset, but this is bullshit.
The thing that is the most troublesome about it right now, is that the issues they (Igor and Baby) are having in their relationship also effect my relationship and interactions with both of them.
Yet, I have NO clue what's going on half the time because they won't talk to me about it. I'm left in the dark because it "has nothing to do with me," but it's having a ripple effect.
Communication shuts down, he is irate or detached and I am left on the sidelines feeling the tension and negative energy. So usually until their issue is worked through, intimacy shuts down and I kinda... don't exist until it's solved.
I don't want to butt-in on their personal business... (is it theirs? ours?) but sometimes, it really puts a wrench in the gears and I'm left not knowing what to do. I am helpless, and I have no tools with which to fix the situation.
I only have a vague idea of what's going on, and it has something to do with Baby's behavior. She's a bit delayed, maturity-wise... but, other than that I only get snippets of these altercations.
For example, Igor and I were having a really lovely evening the other night. Energy was good and we were both in high spirits. Then... I don't even know what, she called or texted him something. And all I could hear was her nondescript wailing in the background. He went outside to talk to her and by the time he got back, everything just shut down.
I will sometimes timidly ask him or her, but the response I always get is "We needed to talk" or "It's between her and I, it doesn't have anything to do with you." This is usually followed by her not really speaking to me (because they're working it out?) and him just zoning out and being detached, and then they have like more talks and private time. Sometimes this cycle only takes a day, sometimes longer, until I can re-engage on an intimate level without their being occupied by whatever is happening.
I really do not know what to do. As I type this, right now, I am lying in bed and they're having an argument. I saw Igor for a bit and he just said it's an issue they've been having for a couple months and he didn't want to talk about it. I quietly nodded and I guess they're going to spend time tonight.
He groaned something about having two girlfriends, and I just stared sort of blankly because I had been only resting quietly in bed.
Like, does any of this make sense? Do I have a right to know... any of it? It's messing with my relationship progression with him, and my friendship with her, and our ability to help eachother. I'm stressed, and I can't really afford to be with my health and all... I want to do or say something but I feel like I can't.
It's moments like these that make me loathe being a secondary, when I was recently told I was equal to all parties. I'm sorry I'm upset, but this is bullshit.
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