So here I am. Involved in a polyamorous relationship. I did an introduction in the other section but the basics are - I am a widow, I haven't been with anyone since hubby passed away. Hubby and I were sometime swingers but more interested in sort of just being with other couples and building nice relationships like that over the years. There were 3 couples that we had this with over the 17 years, and one of those couples I am still in contact with and they welcome me back to be with them anytime and we talk often but are long distance relationship.
Fast forward to a month ago. I went to a party. I met a guy. Guy and I hit it off. He tells me about his wife and he being poly and she having a boyfriend and at the end of the night, he would like to see me again.
Official Date one was talking for hours and some making out. It was cool to meet someone and connect in a few different levels.
Date two was meeting his wife. I thought there would be a couple more just he and I dates, but he said he really wanted me and her to meet and for his wife to okay us going further. We all had dinner, talked about all kinds of stuff and I felt very comfortable. They were very open about the strength and importance of their relationship with each other being a priority. She has a secondary boyfriend of a year. I would be a secondary to D, and wife is not bi (i am) so we would be an N (I just learned that term after coming here). He called me later to tell me that wife liked me and I guess approved - though he didn't say it like that.
D and I had date three last week and again, right off the bat there was no nervousness with each other. I thought I would be nervous because of the time since last time I dated and was with a man, and now. But no. It flowed well.
The relationship has escalated to wanting to be intimate and with that wanting to be careful. He and his wife has the checklist before we can be intimate. Public meeting with him and wife (done). STD testing(done). Progressive meeting to work out details. (not done yet)
While this is happening he and I can be dating. Yay.
I don't mind any of those things on the checklist. I agree with them. And feel like while they are poly, they are also a very strongly bonded couple that care about their trust and respect for each other. That's fine with me. I believe in communication.
Then came the request of proof for my tubal ligation, which I told him about when he asked about birth control. I couldn't really produce that - I had it done almost 20 years ago when I was first married and had medical issues that caused us to decide that course of action. This threw me off a bit. Even got my feathers ruffled at first. I mean, is this something people would lie about? I know he has a son and an exwife so maybe he has been burned/lied to. As I thought it out I was okay and he told me he appreciated my understanding this.
So, when I went in for the STD tests, I had the doc do an estrogen test to see I am post menopausal. I learned that I am. I haven't had a period in almost 5 years so I am not surprised, but I also did not suffer any of the 'signs' of menopause which the doc says is not unusual for a non childbearing woman. Even so, I am not going to be going 'bareback' with him for awhile - at least until things get a bit more sorted out and a relationship has grown.
Now I am going to be meeting them this coming week and it will be for the "progress" meeting. Which he said that's what it's called. A time to set up some parameters on time or set up a calendar so we all are feeling good with the relationships. Again, I am cool with this to a point but I don't want to be tossed scraps and supposed to be happy to get them. I want to have time to be able to build a relationship and have it grow.
Is there a fair way to say - gee, could we meet every -- Insert day of week here -- and then also have weekend night (friday or saturday) date?
I will throw in that I don't want to and am not sure if I could handle seeing him more than a couple times a week. I like having my own time and space. I am used to that. We talked about that and he seemed okay with it. He said he wants to make sure that his wife has her time with him and she has time with her boyfriend and he has some time for just himself too.
A friend of mine said I should be asking for tests from wife and boyfriend and I thought "really?" For me, it would seem I should trust him to know and tell me if there are issues. He went in for tests on friday so we are both on equal ground.
I don't want to be a co-wife and don't think this would be a triad. At least not at this time. A year from now? who knows. I do know that his wife is going to be a part of the relationship in that he talks to her about us - at least to some degree. I have read here that the relationship is and should be between him and I, not him, I and her. I am uncertain how to be sure of that. Or how to approach it to him.
What I also don't know how to bring up exactly is how things work if there is an event/party I want to go to with him, or if he and his wife go away for the weekend (like they are this weekend) can I have more time the next week?
It may sound odd, but I really like chatting with him online via messages and that kind of gives me my 'fix' for being in contact with him and not necessarily seeing him all the time. That is during work hours and we don't really chat or call each other at night. That may be further down the relationship trail. I can handle that.
I like him and am in total throes of NRE. I can't believe I am even thinking as much about it and not just going with it, but I guess that's my age. I will add that I am 50, D is 40 and wife is 30. Just to throw that into the mix too.
Fast forward to a month ago. I went to a party. I met a guy. Guy and I hit it off. He tells me about his wife and he being poly and she having a boyfriend and at the end of the night, he would like to see me again.
Official Date one was talking for hours and some making out. It was cool to meet someone and connect in a few different levels.
Date two was meeting his wife. I thought there would be a couple more just he and I dates, but he said he really wanted me and her to meet and for his wife to okay us going further. We all had dinner, talked about all kinds of stuff and I felt very comfortable. They were very open about the strength and importance of their relationship with each other being a priority. She has a secondary boyfriend of a year. I would be a secondary to D, and wife is not bi (i am) so we would be an N (I just learned that term after coming here). He called me later to tell me that wife liked me and I guess approved - though he didn't say it like that.
D and I had date three last week and again, right off the bat there was no nervousness with each other. I thought I would be nervous because of the time since last time I dated and was with a man, and now. But no. It flowed well.
The relationship has escalated to wanting to be intimate and with that wanting to be careful. He and his wife has the checklist before we can be intimate. Public meeting with him and wife (done). STD testing(done). Progressive meeting to work out details. (not done yet)
While this is happening he and I can be dating. Yay.
I don't mind any of those things on the checklist. I agree with them. And feel like while they are poly, they are also a very strongly bonded couple that care about their trust and respect for each other. That's fine with me. I believe in communication.
Then came the request of proof for my tubal ligation, which I told him about when he asked about birth control. I couldn't really produce that - I had it done almost 20 years ago when I was first married and had medical issues that caused us to decide that course of action. This threw me off a bit. Even got my feathers ruffled at first. I mean, is this something people would lie about? I know he has a son and an exwife so maybe he has been burned/lied to. As I thought it out I was okay and he told me he appreciated my understanding this.
So, when I went in for the STD tests, I had the doc do an estrogen test to see I am post menopausal. I learned that I am. I haven't had a period in almost 5 years so I am not surprised, but I also did not suffer any of the 'signs' of menopause which the doc says is not unusual for a non childbearing woman. Even so, I am not going to be going 'bareback' with him for awhile - at least until things get a bit more sorted out and a relationship has grown.
Now I am going to be meeting them this coming week and it will be for the "progress" meeting. Which he said that's what it's called. A time to set up some parameters on time or set up a calendar so we all are feeling good with the relationships. Again, I am cool with this to a point but I don't want to be tossed scraps and supposed to be happy to get them. I want to have time to be able to build a relationship and have it grow.
Is there a fair way to say - gee, could we meet every -- Insert day of week here -- and then also have weekend night (friday or saturday) date?
I will throw in that I don't want to and am not sure if I could handle seeing him more than a couple times a week. I like having my own time and space. I am used to that. We talked about that and he seemed okay with it. He said he wants to make sure that his wife has her time with him and she has time with her boyfriend and he has some time for just himself too.
A friend of mine said I should be asking for tests from wife and boyfriend and I thought "really?" For me, it would seem I should trust him to know and tell me if there are issues. He went in for tests on friday so we are both on equal ground.
I don't want to be a co-wife and don't think this would be a triad. At least not at this time. A year from now? who knows. I do know that his wife is going to be a part of the relationship in that he talks to her about us - at least to some degree. I have read here that the relationship is and should be between him and I, not him, I and her. I am uncertain how to be sure of that. Or how to approach it to him.
What I also don't know how to bring up exactly is how things work if there is an event/party I want to go to with him, or if he and his wife go away for the weekend (like they are this weekend) can I have more time the next week?
It may sound odd, but I really like chatting with him online via messages and that kind of gives me my 'fix' for being in contact with him and not necessarily seeing him all the time. That is during work hours and we don't really chat or call each other at night. That may be further down the relationship trail. I can handle that.
I like him and am in total throes of NRE. I can't believe I am even thinking as much about it and not just going with it, but I guess that's my age. I will add that I am 50, D is 40 and wife is 30. Just to throw that into the mix too.
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