Feedback wanted on how to approach someone

nycindie

Active member
Hi all,

A few days ago, I was walking along a street on my break from work and noticed a sign outside a theater. It was advertising a show that is starring someone I knew way back when I was in my 20's and new to the city. We took classes together and even went on a date or two. We studied together for about three years and knew each other pretty well. Eventually, we both moved on from that circle of friends and lost touch. It has been about 28 or so years since we've seen each other.

I am dying to get in touch with him again! I googled him and was thrilled to learn how well he is doing, after a long, hard road to get there. I also find him attractive, and always did. It would be cool to hook up, I think. But I don't know if I should contact him by just going to the show and trying to see him backstage afterward, or to try and connect with him on Facebook first (I know he has a page). I don't want him to think it's just his success (and a certain level of fame) that is prompting me to reconnect - I truly want to tell him how happy I am to that he is succeeding in a diificult industry.

What would you do?
 
Last edited:
If I could tell that he actually visits his FB page (I'm rather haphazard about it), I'd probably try to message him that way. Of course, I am your typical INTJ and can ponder the correct wording of a paragraph for an inordinate amount of time. :p

Given your friendship 28 years ago, I bet he would be very glad to hear from you.
 
I reconnected with someone that I knew very well in H.S. that I have only seen once since my wedding (18 years ago) until quite recently. He was performing at a local event, he saw me in the (small) crowd and stopped to talk afterwards - this was about 8-10 years ago.

I know he is still living, and performing, in the city. So when I, finally, made myself a FB page I looked him up and msg'd him asking if he was performing anywhere. He was, we went, the boys met him, we caught up and have met up with him at a few more performances since.

So I'd say that either way could work. If the venue is small and he is likely to recognize you - you could go that route. OR you could set the stage and msg him on FB that you saw that he was performing and were glad to see that he had done so well with himself and that you would be attending on x night. If he responds with a desire to meet up with you, you could plan on seeing him after the show. If he says something neutral (like, "Thanks! Hope you enjoy it!") then you leave it at that and don't try to catch him after (although you could FB msg him after and let him know that you enjoyed yourself).
 
Either way. Or send a card or flowers care of theater to wish him well when it opens with your contact info. Some people do not always check their facebook often so that might be more reliable way of getting in touch before show.

Galagirl
 
Facebook does make it easier.

I connected with a guy friend that I have had a crush on since college (many years) but we were always just 'friends' and were in relationships with others whenever the other would be free. Timing was never on our side.

Well, it still isn't.

We connected through FB but I learned that he doesn't go there often - read a couple times a year - because of his job. He lives in Seattle and while not involved with anyone that I can tell, does not communicate much. We chatted online for about an hour. It was great and I thought there was some hope. Then I tried a few times and nothing. So, I figured we would meet in another life and work it out.

The moral to my store is - the heck with facebook. Go to the theater. Go see him in person and chat a bit, then if he gives you a card or number, call or email. Or maybe then go to facebook and let him know how much you enjoyed the show.

I would try to see him in person and connect that way. If he is that close to you - go for it.

Of course, we will want updates. :)
 
I think I will just go and see his show. I'll probably send him a FB message beforehand to say I'll be there. No, wait, that might make him nervous. Oh crap, what am I talking about.

I will go see him after I lose a few more pounds, lol. It's playing through October, so I have time to lose a little weight.
 
Crazy lady! Just go to the show!
Those few extra pounds are just upsetting for you!
Take a chance you lovely risk taker and go say hello!
 
What Loving Radiance said.
 
I like the idea of being in contact first, maybe through the theater. Some people don't like surprises, plus you might go on an evening he simply isn't free to spend much time with you, even if he'd like to.

The relationship might not go anywhere beyond one or a few meetings, but given your history, its seems unlikely that he wouldn't want to connect at all.

I hope it works out! I reconnected with an old friend/boyfriend a few years ago, and we've been able to maintain a really enjoyable connection through writing, since we live hours apart. I'm really glad I decided to reach out.
 
Those few extra pounds are just upsetting for you!
Umm, not just a few extra. He knew me 28 years and about 70 lbs ago, when I was in my mid-20s, a size 10, and well... hot. I used to turn heads. I'm over twice that old and plus-sized now!

I mean, I know I'm still hot, to the kind of guy who likes 'em plump, but I don't turn heads everywhere I go anymore. He and I were in a very close-knit circle of people and it would be just as nerve-wracking to see any of them now as it would be to go to a high school reunion. I am not about to starve myself, for sure, but I just want to lose maybe between 5 to10 more lbs. before I walk into the theater. Sorry, that's show biz.
 
Nyc-I am glad to know you are a real lerson with real insecurities just like the rest of us.
BUT-
Every ear you have aged, so has he. 7 lbs, 17 lbs, 27 lbs, 77 lbs, 107 lbs, 177 lbs~ your value is in who you are

&

If he isn't man enough to want to reconnect with you for who you are, he is definitely not worth your time!

You are an awesome, fantastic woman! How could he fail to recognize it?

Hugs.

Do it whenever you will; of course that is how it always was going to happen anyway.
I hope you take to heart that your value isn't in the numbers on the scale.
 
NYC noooooooo. Have a little faith in yourself. It's all about the attitude, and you know you are hot!
So go and don't wait for those pounds.
 
Every ear you have aged, so has he.
Oh, I know! I've seen his videos on YouTube. When I knew him, he had long curly hair - today... well, not so much, hahaha. But if I am going to look someone up from my past, I want to feel more confident, since I will be a little nervous anyway. I know he'll be happy to see me, because we always got along and anytime I connect with someone from that part of my life, it's like no time has passed.

But hey, I'm already on a weight loss program anyway - and it's a long way to my goal weight. I'm just going to wait til I lose a little more before I buy a ticket to his show.
 
You don't need to lose 5-10 pounds for your sassy pants to fit - get 'em on and go have a good time!
 
Back
Top