poly article

I enjoyed your article,call it what you will,perhaps its even a confession..The only thing I Cant get my head around is "And then we plan to explain that love is not bound to two people, and we all may love and live as we choose."...Mainly because as the son of a solo mother it was confusing to me to see the different partners she had...Uncle one day,step father the next...Perhaps Im being biased also...I have multiple partners and love them all...So came to this site for understanding..Soon I may even see a light at the end of the tunnel Im in...Respects to you...
 
thanks for your reply :) the kids is something we are treating very very delicately. I want to explain poly love to them more as an abstract, they will not be aware of the comings and goings of multiple significant others. right now, i only have one boyfriend and thye know him as a friend of the family.
 
You don't have to explain anything to them

and in fact you probably shouldn't explain poly "love" to them, children are very perceptive and they can tell who the people are that you care about. Kids actually are able to comprehend the loving part of poly much better than most adults (sometimes even better than poly adults) so love doesn't need much explaining. As for the sexual aspect of a polyamorous relationships, it is the same for any other relationship, and the day spouses set down with their kids and go into details great or small about the sex they have, or the whenever the time is right that single parents explain that they have sex with they bf/gf is when the timing is right to treat poly as needing an explanation

Unfortunately people who live "out" may need to educate their children about hatred and discrimination, as it was once dangerous for children of African descent to cross the railroad tracks into the "white" neighborhoods because hatred and confused angry evil people are often dangerous. Luckily now these days they just need to be aware of the mind games and subtle ways assholes often try to marginalize people who are different, or make them feel less than, as it can take a toll of those who are victims of subtlety when the person is not aware what is happening.

The best thing you can do is to live in a part of world where people understand why wrongful discrimination is not OK, and goes against every freedom and liberty that revolutions were fought for, which is actually a sad state of affairs

However many people seem to have suddenly "waken-up" and seeing the truth in their ways
 
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Nicely written article.
I always enjoy reading the comments section. A good number of people are accepting if not supporting, quite encouraging.
 
You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...
 
You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...

So what are you saying? i, you, your partner, shouldnt be poly because we have kids? right now, mine are little and they know we have a really close friend of the family, thats it. Will they find out someday that i have sex with him? well that physical aspects isnt really any of their business, they dont even need to know if i have sex or not with their father, or if he ties me up and tickels me with feathers. I had NO IDEA what my parents sex life was growing up, as far as I wanted to know they did it twice. birhted my sister, birthed me.

Also it is rather distatseful to call your partner a carousel...if either of my guys wrote that about me there would be some hell to pay
 
Hi GK,

I had run across your article & posted a comment even before I knew it was someone from the forum that penned it:)

It was nicely done especially in light of the one posted a few weeks before yours and I'm grateful you got it out there even if you're being raked over the coals in some of the comments; people need it in their faces so exposure can lead to discussion, hopefully eventually to understanding if not acceptance.

As one in a similar situation to you; keep doing what you feel best for your children. My kids, & the (his & her) metamour's kids are all teens so we've had actual convo's about the new lifestyle. Our family's always been open & honest; when dad got laid off and money was tight, we told them. When my brother & his wife were going through tough times; we told them.... when I fell in love with someone else (after DH & I worked things through) we told them.

We've promised not to act in any way that would 'embarrass' them at their school & activity events (hubs, meta's & I all attend various matches, performances) and that they can tell or not their friends what they like. Many of their friends hang around the house a bunch where they're likely to hear us talking about our overnights &/or scheduling w/ SOs or see us be (PDA approved) affectionate with our SOs on their sleepover (sex over) nights so we suggested, if asked, they may just want to say; "My parents have an open marriage". At the matches & performances the other parents just assume we've brought friends, neighbors, "family" (can you say 'uncle';)) along so they never even suspect anything 'untoward', lol.

I've lost some best friends of 10 years over this 'lifestyle'. And two of my brothers are still pissed at me over all this. So often the cry is over the 'children'; we're corrupting or neglecting or damaging our children! Pul-Leez!! The kids are great! They want to have stability, a foundation; know they're loved. They really don't care what package it shows up in.
My husband & I are super proud that we're demonstrating another option rather than the conventional: supposed to get divorced before you 'add' more people (ie 'step''s): it's because we still love each other, heaven forbid!

Kids tend to be much less judgmental & curious or much often: "whatever". Your young'uns will love having someone(s) else in their life that loves them, that they can count on and as long as you keep open to their questions as they come up; You're Golden!

Good Luck, hang in there, be strong and be proud you're showing your children another way to share love.
 
Hi Draconem

You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...


I didn't say when kids ask, to ignore them. What I said was to treat it like any other relationship, as in how many single parents set their kids down and explain to them that they have sex with their boyfriend?

Poly relationships do not confuse or stress children any differently then a mono relationship. If the relationship is unhealthy and abusive, then yes it will affect the child, but it is the abuse that does it, not the mono/poly aspect of the relationship

As to your claim of your childhood, I can't say what happened, but I do know that similar claims are made all the time by those who vehemently oppose polyamory and campaign for others to wrongfully discriminate against innocent poly families.

As far as the child asking questions about loving, healthy relationships, I guarantee you some bigoted anti-poly adult "innocently" questioning a young child about their parents is what leads to confusion. It's the bigot who is abusing the child, NOT the poly parents

Refusing to recognize the Truth in the matter only paves the way for a society to welcome unrecognized hatred, which is the most despicable kind

If someone strongly opposes polyamory, abusing children is not a legitimate way to campaign against it.
 
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Hi Delphinius

I am having trouble discerning if your comment has a derogatory tone too, I don't think it's OK to "open and honest" about "everything" with children.

Only what is appropriate for their age

There is absolutely no difference of what is appropriate to divulge to children between poly and traditional relationships. I personally would not stress my children out about finances. That is a parents job and certain things I don't divulge to my children because I believe kids should not be burdened with adult life.

I understand that there is bitterness when people end relationships, but I personally believe that when a person goes to a child and questions them about their parents intimate relationships, that is extremely vindictive, and it's that behavior that is the abuse.

People justify their hatred and it's pretty disgusting when they justify confronting a child about things.

Do either of you honestly believe that a child would come up with such questions on their own?

Do you seriously believe that when the child does question their parents that it wasn't brought up by some adult who is upset, bitter, or full of hate?

Unfortunately sometimes it is appropriate to educate a child that there are vicious people in the world who would do such a thing, so some parents do have to inform their children about the ravenous wolves who wear sheep's clothing.

That's just life, but hopefully society is reaching a tipping point where it doesn't matter if you are poly, gay, black, any kind of person, when we all refuse to tolerate subtle hatred, we can change the world.

Because that is what it takes, even when we have laws written to protect against hate, we still have to combat the subtle attempts to marginalize minorities.
 
I'd read this article a few days ago and was very thrilled to see that it was from a different poly mom than the other article. ♥

I really enjoyed it. You made some really great points and I'm glad that things are going so well for you all!

♥Sky
 
This will not end well for you. Your on the absolute fringe. No I'm not a anti-poly bigot just a person firmly grounded in harsh reality. Kids will bring up your "lifestyle" at school and then all hell will break loose as the public at large will see you as unfit parents and degenerate scum, (you ofcourse won't feel that way) sad harsh truth of what awaits any soon to be outted poly parent. Brace your selves it won't be pleasant and yes it will happen nothing you can say or do will stop the on coming storm.

Great you wanna have fun and explore love and pleasure with others but you can't have your cake and eat it to. Quit being so stupid and selfish and for once see the big picture and protect your children from the unimaginable pain that headed there way because of moronic choices you made/make.

Did you that's it's a proven fact that kids from poly families have 95% higher chance of drug use and teen pregnancy and hiv/std infection? Ofcourse not....your situation is different all will be roses and rainbows.

My wife tried to pull this crap on me and now she's a homeless wanna be online hooker who call's me daily begging for help. The havoc her choice caused our Nine year old daughter is beyond words, her school work/behavior, her self confidence wiped out, to ashamed to play with other children no matter how hard I triy to encourage her to be sociable and over come this mess her mother made of our lives. She can't understand why mommie did what she did and made daddy so sad. Truth be told neither can any member of "her " family. Brothers,sisters aunts,uncles all of them disowned her.

Go figure...No one to blame but herself...
 
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Cohagen, we do not allow name-calling here. Why have you joined this site? From this post (which is nothing but nastiness and bullshit) and your other one, it is obvious you are bitter and are not here to seek advice or discuss YOUR situation rationally.

Do not continue your tirade here, or you will be banned.
 
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