While I do have a blog, I actually try not to post about every little thing on it. I'm hoping that would be OK here? There are things that I might want to write down to get out of my system and maybe look back at later, to see if there are any patterns or changes.
Where I am now I think I covered quite a bit in my introduction:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=74088
I'm currently dealing with feeling stressed because Lora (my metamour) and Jon (our hinge partner) are going to start couples therapy in a few weeks, but Lora isn't going to get solo therapy yet because she thinks she doesn't need it. Or she's scared. Or she can't afford it. I haven't talked to her about this yet, Jon tendered these...reasons to me.
We could swing therapy financially. The "too scared" and the "doesn't need it" thoughts...they seem to contradict each other, no?
More importantly, given that she IS emotionally abusive towards Jon and continues to use abusive words and phrases to him when fighting, she most certainly DOES need therapy. And when I found out that she took my non-negotiable condition of "you need therapy" to mean that therapy for her & Jon meets that condition, I was nonplussed, to say the least. She needs therapy to unlearn her abusive fight tactics. She needs therapy to work on her self-worth issues. She needs therapy to improve her social anxiety and process through her PTSD. She needs therapy for a million reasons.
Anyways, the thing I'm wrestling with right now is that I don't really want to be her friend anymore. I want her in my life as little as possible, even if we are continuing to live together. I just...I have spent so much time and emotional energy on her, and I continue to have health problems that I need to work on AND I don't want to have a life that's all about her fears and her needs and how all she needs is time and patience when she won't even go to solo therapy to work on herself!
Is it OK to vent a little like this?
One of the things I'm debating is rekindling some old romances in my life. One of my past partners, Issi, who is also a wonderful friend, well, I've been really longing for us to spend time together, both romantically and hanging out watches movies and just being friends. I worry that that violates the old "if the relationship is broken, don't add more people to fix it" rule. The only way my relationship with Jon is broken is over our conflicting feeling about Lora - generally, I love and adore Jon and I am so glad to have him in my life. Lora, I don't know what to do about, other than build a life without her and ease back from helping her with anything that I wouldn't help an acquaintance with.
Sometimes I wonder about dating on OKC too, but I worry that that would also violate the "if the relationship is broken, don't add more people to fix it" rule. I guess I'll keep thinking and learning and go from there.
Where I am now I think I covered quite a bit in my introduction:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=74088
I'm currently dealing with feeling stressed because Lora (my metamour) and Jon (our hinge partner) are going to start couples therapy in a few weeks, but Lora isn't going to get solo therapy yet because she thinks she doesn't need it. Or she's scared. Or she can't afford it. I haven't talked to her about this yet, Jon tendered these...reasons to me.
We could swing therapy financially. The "too scared" and the "doesn't need it" thoughts...they seem to contradict each other, no?
More importantly, given that she IS emotionally abusive towards Jon and continues to use abusive words and phrases to him when fighting, she most certainly DOES need therapy. And when I found out that she took my non-negotiable condition of "you need therapy" to mean that therapy for her & Jon meets that condition, I was nonplussed, to say the least. She needs therapy to unlearn her abusive fight tactics. She needs therapy to work on her self-worth issues. She needs therapy to improve her social anxiety and process through her PTSD. She needs therapy for a million reasons.
Anyways, the thing I'm wrestling with right now is that I don't really want to be her friend anymore. I want her in my life as little as possible, even if we are continuing to live together. I just...I have spent so much time and emotional energy on her, and I continue to have health problems that I need to work on AND I don't want to have a life that's all about her fears and her needs and how all she needs is time and patience when she won't even go to solo therapy to work on herself!
Is it OK to vent a little like this?
One of the things I'm debating is rekindling some old romances in my life. One of my past partners, Issi, who is also a wonderful friend, well, I've been really longing for us to spend time together, both romantically and hanging out watches movies and just being friends. I worry that that violates the old "if the relationship is broken, don't add more people to fix it" rule. The only way my relationship with Jon is broken is over our conflicting feeling about Lora - generally, I love and adore Jon and I am so glad to have him in my life. Lora, I don't know what to do about, other than build a life without her and ease back from helping her with anything that I wouldn't help an acquaintance with.
Sometimes I wonder about dating on OKC too, but I worry that that would also violate the "if the relationship is broken, don't add more people to fix it" rule. I guess I'll keep thinking and learning and go from there.