Tri46guy
New member
So Im thinking a lot about flirting these days and spinning it around all different ways...
One angle is how consenual flirting is...Im thinking about this a lot for several reasons...
Ive just had to help a woman where at work get access to higher ups in HR cause the system was failing her due to crappy supervisors and old boys network, Ive just gone thru some training to become a facilitator for sex ed classes through my church and had intensive sex harrasment training, Ive heard several personal stories from women I work that are awful and listened to a "consent" talk a poly conference... so at the sex ed training that was mostly super sex positive, they presented "circles of sexuality" and put flirting in the "bad" sexualization circle... I expressed confusion about that as I see flirting as super positive and one of the best things about being alive and interacting with other people... but one of the women said it can be really negative if its your boss flirting with you. While I totally get that 110%, the thing is I wouldnt consider that flirting. Thats creepy sexual harrassment. Just watched the hbo Anita Hill movie and the Clarence Thomas approach doesnt sem like anything Id call "flirting" I have learned to err way on the side of caution as a supervisor not to make any innuendo or overt sexual jokes, but in my petsonal life with wife and close friends I make innuendos all the time. My wife loves that as her mind is always in the gutter too. I feel good consentual flirting between people into it is a world of difference from creepy boss repeated comments where the employee is asking them to stop, I do wonder about the grey area in between... To stereotype a bit, lots of men are used to not paying attention to womens boundaries and many women are either not that great at making boundaries clear or are just beaten down by having them ignored... so how should I make sure Im being supervrespectful and aware without squashing all fun interaction? In person, eye contact and smiles seem really clear... over private messages maybe less clear.. do others use the word "flirt" for creepy vs consensual interactions? I just now question if I miss signals of when to not flirt...
Another is how i t may be different for some men vs some women in het interactions... it was just posted on another thread how a woman telling a man shes married can squash all flirting. For me as a man, my experience is 180. When I start talking to woman on the plane or at a bar, if I mention my wife at the beginning then it puts them at ease that Im not "hitting on them" and we often have a much more interesting, rich and flirty conversation that often ends with them seeming like they totally enjoyed the conversation. If I dont mention Im married there is more warriness at first that Im selling something... Do other think thats different along gender lines?
But that said I have NO idea how I would ever tell a couple women that I am flirty friends with that I really like (more than attraction - people who I my wife and I are now considering ourselves poly... i think i will wait a few months and then casually mention that my wife is dating other people... thats the least threatening way i can think to bring it up...
And another is how flirting is different or not when engaged with a potential romantic partner vs a friend... at that sex ed training several people mentioned that as a diiference -that flirting is only romantic... To me this is weird as I flirt with friends all the time and dont mean anything by it. Im mostly het but id say i even flirt with male friends too. My wife is the same... but for some people they put flirting in only the romantic box. Do most people?
One angle is how consenual flirting is...Im thinking about this a lot for several reasons...
Ive just had to help a woman where at work get access to higher ups in HR cause the system was failing her due to crappy supervisors and old boys network, Ive just gone thru some training to become a facilitator for sex ed classes through my church and had intensive sex harrasment training, Ive heard several personal stories from women I work that are awful and listened to a "consent" talk a poly conference... so at the sex ed training that was mostly super sex positive, they presented "circles of sexuality" and put flirting in the "bad" sexualization circle... I expressed confusion about that as I see flirting as super positive and one of the best things about being alive and interacting with other people... but one of the women said it can be really negative if its your boss flirting with you. While I totally get that 110%, the thing is I wouldnt consider that flirting. Thats creepy sexual harrassment. Just watched the hbo Anita Hill movie and the Clarence Thomas approach doesnt sem like anything Id call "flirting" I have learned to err way on the side of caution as a supervisor not to make any innuendo or overt sexual jokes, but in my petsonal life with wife and close friends I make innuendos all the time. My wife loves that as her mind is always in the gutter too. I feel good consentual flirting between people into it is a world of difference from creepy boss repeated comments where the employee is asking them to stop, I do wonder about the grey area in between... To stereotype a bit, lots of men are used to not paying attention to womens boundaries and many women are either not that great at making boundaries clear or are just beaten down by having them ignored... so how should I make sure Im being supervrespectful and aware without squashing all fun interaction? In person, eye contact and smiles seem really clear... over private messages maybe less clear.. do others use the word "flirt" for creepy vs consensual interactions? I just now question if I miss signals of when to not flirt...
Another is how i t may be different for some men vs some women in het interactions... it was just posted on another thread how a woman telling a man shes married can squash all flirting. For me as a man, my experience is 180. When I start talking to woman on the plane or at a bar, if I mention my wife at the beginning then it puts them at ease that Im not "hitting on them" and we often have a much more interesting, rich and flirty conversation that often ends with them seeming like they totally enjoyed the conversation. If I dont mention Im married there is more warriness at first that Im selling something... Do other think thats different along gender lines?
But that said I have NO idea how I would ever tell a couple women that I am flirty friends with that I really like (more than attraction - people who I my wife and I are now considering ourselves poly... i think i will wait a few months and then casually mention that my wife is dating other people... thats the least threatening way i can think to bring it up...
And another is how flirting is different or not when engaged with a potential romantic partner vs a friend... at that sex ed training several people mentioned that as a diiference -that flirting is only romantic... To me this is weird as I flirt with friends all the time and dont mean anything by it. Im mostly het but id say i even flirt with male friends too. My wife is the same... but for some people they put flirting in only the romantic box. Do most people?
Last edited: