Tri46guy
New member
So I posted an intro a few days ago but just read the book "more than two" and its opened my eyes a bit, so want to see if Im starting to get a clue yet....
My sitch: married mid 40s, wife and I have been together 25 years. Still in love, still lots of desire, romance and good sex. 3 kids, 10-15, suburbs, daily grind... both of us restless. Never been totally mono - we enjoy strip club lapdances f for me, m for her, weve done some threesomes ffm and some swinging more recently and Ive let her play when shes on trips. Ive always been attracted to other women and wanting to swing... wife only sorta interested til 2 yrs ago... met poly guy and thought poly sounded like her thing. I tried to let her date him but freaked a month in... we pulled back - did 2 years of therapy with poly friendly great therapist. Learned a ton about real communication and worked on a lot of my insecurities... Our relationship is stronger and deeper than ever. now we are swinging more and considering poly...
We have shared with each other that we want more emotional connection and growth in addition to new exciting sex. We want opportunity to experience NRE. But we dont want to lose each other or screw up what we have.. We have been asking - how can we do this to have relationships on the side without losing what we have? How do we keep our relationship primary?
After reading "More than Two" I think I get where we are wrong... Sounds like its foolish to think you can keep new relationship as secondary or light or limited.. cause the human heart doesnt work like that. Cant expect to have side playthings. Sounds like we have to expect that it *is* about rolling the dice... cant predict where it will go and if we do it we have to expect to let it elvolve where it will. New love doesnt have to mean old love goes....but it could. Cant go in fooling ourselves. We should only launch if at least one of feels we need it or if both feel the potential benefits are worth the risks...
So - do I have it right?????
My sitch: married mid 40s, wife and I have been together 25 years. Still in love, still lots of desire, romance and good sex. 3 kids, 10-15, suburbs, daily grind... both of us restless. Never been totally mono - we enjoy strip club lapdances f for me, m for her, weve done some threesomes ffm and some swinging more recently and Ive let her play when shes on trips. Ive always been attracted to other women and wanting to swing... wife only sorta interested til 2 yrs ago... met poly guy and thought poly sounded like her thing. I tried to let her date him but freaked a month in... we pulled back - did 2 years of therapy with poly friendly great therapist. Learned a ton about real communication and worked on a lot of my insecurities... Our relationship is stronger and deeper than ever. now we are swinging more and considering poly...
We have shared with each other that we want more emotional connection and growth in addition to new exciting sex. We want opportunity to experience NRE. But we dont want to lose each other or screw up what we have.. We have been asking - how can we do this to have relationships on the side without losing what we have? How do we keep our relationship primary?
After reading "More than Two" I think I get where we are wrong... Sounds like its foolish to think you can keep new relationship as secondary or light or limited.. cause the human heart doesnt work like that. Cant expect to have side playthings. Sounds like we have to expect that it *is* about rolling the dice... cant predict where it will go and if we do it we have to expect to let it elvolve where it will. New love doesnt have to mean old love goes....but it could. Cant go in fooling ourselves. We should only launch if at least one of feels we need it or if both feel the potential benefits are worth the risks...
So - do I have it right?????
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