SheBLittleButFierce
New member
So I've run across some oddities in the kink side of polyamory. This may or may not be a sexual kink. There is a guy who wants to date me with the end goal of marrying me so that he can be a cuckhold. He claims this is someone who gets off on feelings of jealousy and anger. The side effect is that he can pursue rough sex and sexual games that intensify the feelings of betrayal.
First of all, I said no. I have no interest in marriage ever again and won't date people looking to marry "in the future." This might be bigoted on my part, but I'm willing to handle a lover marrying someone else as long as I am involved in the process whether that includes restructuring my relationship or breaking up. Those who like that I am poly but want to marry have backfired on me too many times to allow the possibility of growing back into prohibitive, or hypocritical forms of monogamy (he cheats but she can't even talk to a male).
Secondly, I'm not sure if this guy needs help or not. Don't get me wrong, he is fond of aggressive role playing where he can release his feelings of betrayal and he thinks that I would be good for him because I enjoy being the recipient of *safe* and NEVER humiliating sexual aggression. (He knows this from another person I was intimate with awhile ago and I'm a little miffed that my ex is sharing with "potential" men like a quasi-pimp). I'm not judging this man for his desires to engage in aggressive forms of "make-up sex" or punishment scripts as I believe each person can live their own kink. But I'm worried that he WANTS to feel betrayal and hurt and jealousy. He can be the aggressor in bed without punishing himself by forcing a feeling of inadequacy and anger.
Is cuckhold really someone who gets off being made to feel emotional pain? And is this healthy? This man is not a potential date and not a particularly close friend, but as a fellow veteran I feel that if there's a warning sign of emotional problems there, I would want to help him. Any suggestions or explainations?
First of all, I said no. I have no interest in marriage ever again and won't date people looking to marry "in the future." This might be bigoted on my part, but I'm willing to handle a lover marrying someone else as long as I am involved in the process whether that includes restructuring my relationship or breaking up. Those who like that I am poly but want to marry have backfired on me too many times to allow the possibility of growing back into prohibitive, or hypocritical forms of monogamy (he cheats but she can't even talk to a male).
Secondly, I'm not sure if this guy needs help or not. Don't get me wrong, he is fond of aggressive role playing where he can release his feelings of betrayal and he thinks that I would be good for him because I enjoy being the recipient of *safe* and NEVER humiliating sexual aggression. (He knows this from another person I was intimate with awhile ago and I'm a little miffed that my ex is sharing with "potential" men like a quasi-pimp). I'm not judging this man for his desires to engage in aggressive forms of "make-up sex" or punishment scripts as I believe each person can live their own kink. But I'm worried that he WANTS to feel betrayal and hurt and jealousy. He can be the aggressor in bed without punishing himself by forcing a feeling of inadequacy and anger.
Is cuckhold really someone who gets off being made to feel emotional pain? And is this healthy? This man is not a potential date and not a particularly close friend, but as a fellow veteran I feel that if there's a warning sign of emotional problems there, I would want to help him. Any suggestions or explainations?