We all have our seperate accounts. I tried having a joint (as well as a seperate) account with my mono ex, it didn't really give more financial stability as the account couldn't be used for paying bills or be attached to a debit card. I assume we could have gotten a card in a different bank, but it all seemed too much trouble. Perhaps I will feel diferently in the future. Currently, our system goes like this:
My husband pays the regular bills, like our flat loan and rent. I have a set deposit so that I pay half of this (husband and I share the flat). Then we used to have it like we would split up the other bills so that we shared things like electricity, internet and so on. We stopped having a stationary phone so have have our seperate phone bills, and we don't want to connect our cell phones at this point. We used to pay exactly half of grocery bills (check the balance each week), but I have been sick and he was forced to take on lots of the household bills. We lost track of our old system, and so we made it so that for the next few years, I am responsible for paying all of these bills, as long as I have money (and I spend very little on myself these days). We are each responsible for our own loans, expect the flat loan. That means student loans and credit card bills. We have a common understanding that we will do our best to pay all we can on our credit cards, but also husband needs more clothes (and I have more debt), so I am happy that he spends on himself until he has built up more of a full wordrobe. We try to be frugal, but sometimes we go out.
I pay most regarding visiting my long distance boyfriend, for instance plane tickets. We used to rent together in his country when I visited once a month, and husband came to visit us there sometimes. The first time we shared a house for a week (before we started renting), I payed for it. When my boyfriend visited my country (before husband and I bought the bigger flat), husband payed half the hotel bill and some other expenses. When I am with my boyfriend alone, I pay most things. This is simply because I make so much more money than he does, and because the cost of living in his country is cheap compared to salaries in my country. When we rented together, I payed the rent, foood and entertainment, and he payed most of electricity, internet etc. We both got cat food. He pays his own phone and in country travel expenses, like visiting his family. Sometimes we buy things like shoes or clothes together and I pay, but it is really like things we need so it is purchase more than shopping. When he visited me and my husband, I payed all of it as he had no money. I sometimes give or send him cash money to spend, enough to cover small bills or so that he can "buy us" things when I visit. He is not 100 % happy with this arrangement because he feels inferior as a man (and I was not happy because I could not afford it!), so this season we don't rent together (he stays in a small dormatory) and I will just get a hotel room when I visit. Our cat lives under his workplace... We are trying to make sure he can pay most of the debt in his country while I save up so that we can close the distance. He is very generous and will pay for dinner, give gifts etc. when he does have money. I have no doubt that when he starts to earn more, he will contribute more. He works long hours and is also finishing his university degree.
My boyfriend and I don't go out much, perhaps once or twice each visit (some visits not at all) - we have a system where I withdraw money and give them to him before we go inside, that way he can be "the man" and pay, also he knows people so he sometimes gets a personal discount. To me assuming the man should pay is a bit absurd, because I am raised with people going dutch. The way I see it it is a practical matter that I pay because I have money, but I don't mind helping him keep a bit of facade if it makes him happy.
When my husband has visited, we have usually gone out to eat or smoke water pipe all three of us. I think I usually pay most and and my husband chips in, but that we give it all to my boyfriend before entering. It is usual that only one person pays for the meal in his country, so we try to follow the custom.
Long term, I know my boyfriend will want to send money to his family because they need it and he owns a share in the family house and gardens. I support him in this, even if it means less money for us, it will be important for them, and important for his self esteeem that he will be able to contribute. There is no such thing as regular benifits in his country. The family lives off the land and are extremely frugal to be able to get buy and build on their family house to extend it so that his siblings can house wives and kids. I would feel bad knowing we had money and they didn't, so him sending money to family definetely needs to be built into our future economy.
When we get kids, I assume that the three of us will pay for all childrelated expenses, but that is something that needs to be talked about.
We don't have a car (we live very close to the city centre in both places and get buy with feet, bikes and public transport) and we don't plan to get one in the future, but in the past we have been member of a carpooling service and we plan to rejoin after we have payed off a bit more credit card debt. Our long term plans including buying a flat for my boyfriend here (or the three of us buying a bigger flat/house), as well as buying a summer house in his country.
Even though we don't have a strict system, the three of us talk a LOT about money. We talk about purchases we made or plan to make. The most important thing is that it works and that everyone involved are happy.