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Old 11-22-2013, 12:04 AM
Kastor Kastor is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Default I want to support my husband

Hey everyone!

My husband told me that he believes himself to be poly amorous. We've been talking about it and exploring it a lot lately. I myself am monogamous, but I want my husband to be able to be himself. I want to be able to support him in his choice of lifestyle and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on what the best kind of support I can give him is?

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Old 11-22-2013, 12:07 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Let him have other relationships without interfering. Simple as that really.
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Old 11-22-2013, 12:26 AM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,884

Lots of communication. Discussing everything up frlnt. What do you need in your relationship and how will you be sure that your needs are still being maintained while he has multiple relationships. Like how many days q week will he be going out. How will you feel and do while he's away. What are the expectations of sleeping elsewhere. What aboutbhis partners sleeping at your house. How will he make sure the needs of his other partner are being net if they conflict with your needs. What if you hate his other partner? Is he going to be expected to dump them or how will you deal with that? What about birth control? What if his partner wants to go bareback or have children with him? Maybe someday wants him to live there part-time or even move in with him. There really is a ton of things to discuss and it really should.

If he meets someone and is experiencing he euphoria of a new relationship, things can get crazy, esp if boundaries haven't been set first. When my ex met his first gf we ended up separating and nearly got a divorce because we were just wing it.
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Old 11-22-2013, 04:25 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,220

Well.... I see that you are WILLING to support him, but your being ABLE hinges on what exactly he's asking from you to provide for him at this time, doesn't it?

What kind of support does he want at this time? Later down?
  • To just be able to talk to you about his poly stuff -- feelings, ideas, crushes?
  • To be able to date? Take on a lover? Now? In the near future or distant future?
  • Something else?

The conversations you have to sort it out will differ depending on what it is he wants. For instance...
  • For listening about crushes, you have to be willing but don't have to have conversation about birth control/STD prevention.
  • For taking on a lover, you have to be willing and you do have to have conversation about birth control/STD prevention.

That's just a super simple take on it -- there's lots of other things you could talk about.

But likely it will be a series of talks. Those conversations could also cover what YOU might need at this time? Or later down?

Here are some links. I'm sure other people could offer more.


You both could spend time talking out what you expect from yourselves and each other. What changes and what stays the same in light of his self-discovery and what it is he is requesting from you in terms of being supportive toward him.

From intangible things like your beliefs about love and loving to very nitty gritty practical things like... "where in the family budget are your dating expenses going to come out of?"



Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-22-2013 at 04:39 AM.
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