Tales from the Time Share Wife

so nate came home and we talked alone for a few hours. he feels that we should become monogamous and work on our marriage. he feels that my insecurity about Jo the other night has ruined things for him (he hasnt talked to her all weekend) and that he feels bad that i have another life with someone else. all the old insecurities that he had in the beginning seems to have come back. he feels that if we continue on this path our marriage will fade away. i think he's just depressed and we have talked about him going on antidepressants. he isnt on them now because he does medical studies since he's a stay at home dad to bring in money and he cant take them. i guess i will do the medical studies in addition to my full time job and full time work if that means that he can feel better. I had thought to get in them anyway but that was to help up pay off debt faster.

i told him that he should have said this a couple days ago when it was an option but now that Sam and i are back together the option is off the table.there is no way I can leave Sam, he means so much to me and the two days we were apart proved to me how much i want him in my life.

we listened to music, talked, fucked (yes fucked) and he seems to feel better. i think the fact that i told him that his behavior the other day was abusive has really hit him hard and has made him consider that i would be better off without me but i dont think that is the case. i think he's in a funk. he told me he was sorry that he cant just accept me for who i am. he use to be able to but he cant anymore. i told him to keep seeing Jo and we will get though this, we are just transitioning.

this seems like the same old pattern, we fight, then he gets mopey and i feel bad that ive made him depressed. this is why i never stand up for myself because it always ends up with me trying to make him happy. i also cant believe that i didnt realize that him seeing Jo was a way for him to cope with my relationship with Sam. I had encouraged him for that very reason, i dont know how I lost sight of that! hopefully next week will be better. I think im going through a manic cycle right now including PMS so everything has just been very intense lately.
 
nate is out getting laid by this chic he talks to but hasnt been able to see in a year, i hope this picks him up out of his fuck.
 
just do what ur heart says fill ur desires and live ur own life which matters to u only anf if any thing makes u sad makes u in comfertable just leave that coz v r here to live, live free and happily till d day v die...
 
nate came home and reported that he wants us to not mention our other partners to each other at all. he says he feels like if we stop talking about lifestyle then that will decrease the conflicts we have. im not sure it that will work but im fine trying that for awhile.

ive gone back and looked at stuff, seems like toward the end of every month is when we have these issues arise. seriously has to have something to do with my cycle because its all around that time.
 
just do what ur heart says fill ur desires and live ur own life which matters to u only anf if any thing makes u sad makes u in comfertable just leave that coz v r here to live, live free and happily till d day v die...

such eloquent words, I feel like they need to be written on a poster depicting majestic mist covered mountains.
 
Nate says hes going to try to rekindle things with jo. I think this is a good idea because otherwise says he's done with poly. I did feel jealous of the idea of him having a real relationship with someone but now I'm hoping it works out because I don't want anymore drama from him. If he's happy with her he won't hassle me about my relationship. I think in seeing her usefulness in this helps me with the idea of him having a gf.

So far so good with the no talking about others. I've had to make an effort a few times to not mention Sam but otherwise it's been fine. I don't care to know about his relationship with jo so its been easy for me not to ask
 
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I think we'll be ok. We spent the little amount of time we had together making love and having a heart to heart. It was really nice
 
Nate says hes going to try to rekindle things with jo. I think this is a good idea...I did feel jealous of the idea of him having a real relationship with someone but now I'm hoping it works out because I don't want anymore drama from him. If he's happy with her he won't hassle me about my relationship. I think in seeing her usefulness in this helps me with the idea of him having a gf.

I think this is how BF's wife viewed me: useful. Someone to keep BF from upsetting her life while she dated and slept with other men and went to parties without him. Someone to shut up his drama.

However, she still wanted to call the shots and not have me, or our relationship, interfere in her desires in any way. She definitely didn't want him to become so attached or fall in love, that she had any fear of ending up alone and having to get a job.

End result: I don't appreciate being treated like a useful toy to keep him occupied and quiet so she can do her thing without him being a nuisance. I broke up with him. He is crushed. He is a different man because of what he and I had for two years. It's going to impact their marriage. She's now going to have to deal with him, and with his grief and loss, and his decision never to have another girlfriend because of this.

There's a real danger in regarding another human being as 'useful.'
 
Well I won't have anything to do with her or their relationship. So if I view her as useful she'll never know it. Im sorry you were made to feel that way
 
Nate hadnt really saw Jo that much. he went to her apartment because he though he was invited but it turns out that she was being sarcastic about him coming over. he had mentioned to her that he could come by before and she said "if youre allowed to" turns out that she had no idea that Sam and i got back together and nate wanted to try to rekindle things with her. other than that he only saw her because she asked for his help moving furniture. that kind of rubbed him the wrong way and made him feel used. he spent 2 days with her but told me that he definitely doesnt see any relationship potential there.

i felt like he was blaming me for that due to her saying before that i had felt my influence on their relationship (like early on) i dont think it's fair to me for nate to go off to people and tell them about how i handle myself at home. if im not interacting with a meta then it's none of their business. if im upset about a situation why does nate need to tell them about it? it just makes them uncomfortable or question whether or not they can actually be with him long term. that's not on me if he over shares.

i know all this because nate has decided that his rule of not telling each other about other partners is stupid. i was fine with it but he wanted to be able to talk to me about how things were (not) progressing with her. other than that things seem to be good. they always are though, until they arent. i still feel like he makes up problems that arent there. ive been trying to do more stuff with him like we had sex in some risky places recently and had a pseudo 3way with Jane the other night (he hadnt had sex with her in like 9 months) also trying to listen to him more, take the kids out so he has more alone time, and work on some stuff that he doesnt like because i really do want him to be happy.

he still says the only reason i care about his happiness is my relationship with sam depends on it. perhaps in the beginning i felt that way, but honestly he's made me feel that he's not sure if he wants to stay with me in the long run. i feel like working on things that bothers him is my way to fix the things in our relationship that he cant tolerate so he can feel better about being with me.
 
Nate said this" I'm finding it harder to remember what I like about you and harder to let go of shit you do to me." The latest offense being I continued to playfully tease our daughter after he said to stop last Friday. So im going to let this go, the things that I do that "hurt" him is absurd. Basically I feel like if I don't comply with every absurd demand then im hurting him and my list if offenses will continue to grow. He said he wants to work things out but feel hopeless. That every time he think im making progress I do something to show I haven't changed (like not complying) I just don't understand why he creates imaginary issues.
 
i came home from work this morning and hugged and kissed him, no discussion about our texts last night. things feel pretty normal but then again things always appear happy until he sends me a shitty text like that.
 
nate and i had some talks which were really good. he confessed to me that he just feels sad that we will leading separate lives and doing things with other people when he wants to share everything with me.

we also talked about divorce and how it's not a good idea and how he wont be any happier with anyone else. he thanked me for having the conversation without having a "hissy fit" I guess the crux of it all is he wants me to listen to him and not cut him off. in the past ive avoided conversations like these because in my mind its not something i want to talk about since its never going to happen.

things have been going really well since then. Nate and I are camping today until friday then im dropping him and the kids off and taking Sam back to the camp site until sunday evening. Its going to be a lot of fun and Sam's friends will most likely be joining us as well.

things with sam are doing great, he's really been great about dealing with all of this.
 
the camping trip was a lot of fun. i really like this new campground that we stayed at and even though it rained all day wed it wasnt bad. nate wasnt in much of a fun mood sadly, he never even went into the lake with us. he's kind of a low energy guy who prefers staying out of the sun and reading comic books. but thursday we spent a few hours at the amusement park. it was super packed despite it being overcast most of the day, the kids had fun playing in the huge kid area at least. i wish someone could have came camping with us, we always have a lot more fun in a group than just 1 on 1.

i got a late start with sam friday because i had to take my 15 year old to get antibiotics. but friday night was wonderful and the next day we drove to get his ex brother in law and we took him to the amusement park with us. we didnt even get back to the campsite until 3 am that night. the next day we swam in the lake then headed over to the water park after we packed up camp. spending those 2 days straight with him was awesome.

it was really nice being able to come home and not feel guilty and thankfully nate was in a good mood so i didnt feel like i was being punished by him for my time away.
 
Jane had broke things off with her boyfriend Dan. She found herself in a situation where she was allowing his baby mama Mandy to stay there since shes homeless and up until recently was estranged from him. Turns out her Dan was having sex with Mandy and lying about it. She confronted the ex and she admitted to it freely but Dan had told her that it was cool. Well the sneaking around and having sex inn her bed was not cool. She kicked him out but the next day somehow managed to weasel his way back in. So now jane is being a super doormat where shes now going to be supporting both of them and his kid and they can just have fun doing whatever. Im so upset that she lets people walk all over her. I can't stand Dan, all he would do in class was badmouth her to me. I also didn't like the way she totally ignored me these past 8 months because she was so wrapped up in him, I was excited to finally have my friend back.
 
So much for not being punished :( he hasn't had se with me since monday. We normally do it every day. Wed I mentioned it, Thursday before work I pushed for it. I told him to be ready for me when I got off work thur since we didn't do it before work. Last night I got home and he just turned out the light and slept clear on the other side. Today I asked him what he wanted to do tonight and he said "i think Kate is kid free tonight" I told him h doesn't get to go fuck other people if he's denying me sex and he said "ill take that into consideration"

I know he's playing mind games, I know he wants to hurt me but im not playing these freaking games with him.
 
i told him i was unhappy about his choice, i told him that i felt like he was trying to punish me, that he was playing games with me. he told me that he wasnt trying to punish me, not trying to play mind games. he told me that he wasnt feeling affectionate toward me. he told me that when i kissed him the other day it almost made him want to vomit. that he wasnt feeling good about himself and that he was sleeping with her to make himself feel better. that he was hoping it would make him feel more affectionate toward me.

i told him that i wont be like Jane and live with someone who wasnt being intimate with me, that i wont accept being roommates. he came home and took a shower, he called me over and we had sex. it felt very passionate and it pleased me. he told me he just cant get over this and he was upset about me camping with sam. he told me he knew it wasnt fair to feel that way but he cant help it and he was just trying to deal with his feelings. so i guess this is what happens when he eats his feelings and doesnt talk about them.

the root of all of it though seems that he's lonely when im gone and he doesnt have anyone to hang out with, well i guess he could but he doesnt really make an effort. he's going to make a point to go out and do stuff with friends even if he doesnt have a lady friend to do stuff with. i just reminded him to think of it as me being away two nights a week, i think he's also stressed out about this comic convention we are going to next weeknd, he has a lot of stuff to prepare for before the trip. this in addition to the fact that he seems to be coming with terms that he's the best he's ever going to get with his medium, he's actually thinking that he's gotten worse than he use to be. i love his paintings, i wish he would just go that route full time instead of comics.

last night sam and i retraced our first date night since it was our 6 month anniversary <3 it was a wonderfully romantic evening
 
So friday Dan broke up with Jane. saying Mandy wasnt willing to share. i think that is so shitty that jane allowed mandy to come into her home out of the goodness of her heart then Dan and Mandy start cheating behind Jane's back. I encouraged Jane to kick both of them out, she doesnt want them there, they are being extremely insensitive to her like moving the couches together so they can cuddle and being all lovey dovey in front of her. Jane has been leaving the house with her kids because she cant stand to be around them and Dan has been demanding to know where she is going, with whom, and when she's coming back then has the freaking gall to say her not telling him is "inappropriate" I really really hope that she sends them packing, i hope that she's not going to allow them to continue to freeload off of her.

Jane had confronted Dan about the Fet life ads i found where he was looking for couples to have sex with. he denied that they were real and said "I only created them to test whether or not you were checking up on me" Yeah right!
 
Nate has decided to go barrier free with a long term fwb Laurel. They probably hook up a couple times a week and she tested clean. This makes him happy, he hasn't gone barrier free with another since he and jane went back to condoms several months ago. Makes me kind of nervous but he trusts that she won't have unprotected sex with others
 
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