How to manage guaranteed future heartbreak?

...It's more important to me in the long term that he is happy than that he's with me, so my main fear is that due to his involvement with me he won't be paying attention when his future Mrs white picket fence wanders past and he'll miss her.

As awful as it sounds, I totally agree with you on this. Ultimately, I want him to be as happy as he can be, with or without me.
 
Thank you BlueShoes, I love hearing the other side's perspective. I know that the boyfriend is enjoying every minute he has with me and he tries to see me as often as possible, I cherish that now.
 
Another question...

In a poly situation such as mine, how do you tell your families? My mom and siblings know my side, but the boyfriend's family would not be so welcoming if they knew I was married.

I'm curious as to how you all deal with that. I know how I will deal with it for boyfriend's sake, but I'm curious how you all do it?

I will have to hide the fact that I'm married from his family if I am to ever meet them. It also makes facebook difficult. ha!
 
Nothing about our relationship feels temporary and I enjoy every minute I spend with him. It's more important to me in the long term that he is happy than that he's with me, so my main fear is that due to his involvement with me he won't be paying attention when his future Mrs white picket fence wanders past and he'll miss her.

I missed this until someone quoted it.

As the other side of this - I absolutely do not want my lover to attempt to manage my involvement or my attention for my benefit. I am an adult. It is my job to look out for myself, and how well or badly I do that is on me, not anyone else.
 
The Facebook issue is easy just don't friend his family and don't tag anything you wouldn't want them to see. Set you relationship details on your profile to private.

With Murf's family it is a DADT situation. Even though I had a wedding with Murf and Butch attended the day was about Murf and I. My family is English/German they do not over share anything and are extremely private people. Luckily Murf's family is kind of the same way. They never expected Murf to get married and are impressed I have "put up with him" for 4.5 years. He's happy and that's all they care about.
 
My V is in the closet, due to my two companions' request that it remain that way. But if I ever did have their go-ahead, I suppose I would tell my family in a simple and straightforward way. By group email, I think.
 
We were upfront about it, his family seems accepting but I bet they can't wait for us to split up so he can have a monogamous relationship, marriage/kids with someone else. I don't care for them.as.people so I avoid them now but in the beginning they included me and my kids in family events.
 
What is a "V"? Is there a place I can go to reference the acronyms or nicknames used in the forums?
 
We do have a glossary thread; take a look.

A V is a three-person unit with two people romantically linked to the third person; but the two people are not romantically linked to each other. (Hopefully that made sense)
 
What is a "V"? Is there a place I can go to reference the acronyms or nicknames used in the forums?

A "V" is a relationship where one person (called a "hinge") has two lovers, but the two lovers are not romantically entangled (the hinge is the point of the V, the lovers make up the arms). If those two lovers also have a romantic relationship, it becomes a triad: in effect, it finishes the triangle. There are many relationship shapes: N, W, etc. Each line in the letter represents a romantic relationship between two people.

You can find a good list of definitions here

Edit: Whoops, Kevin beat me to it!
 
I am in a V shape with my two husbands - they don't have any sexual or romantic contact with each other, but they both are in a relationship with me. I am the hinge between them - the connecting point in the letter V. With my boyfriend WarMan now in the picture, I consider us a Y shape. I'm the central hub and they each have their own spoke. Again, all of my guys are straight so I have 3 separate relationships.

WarMan recently outted is as poly - he told his teenage kiddos in person, and then sent a group email to his parents and siblings explaining the situation. I believe PunkRock told his dad over the phone, and then his stepmom found out a few months after that. DarkKnight told his parents in person.
 
I'm out to my whole family, most of my friends and at work. It was a non issue telling my mum, she just kind of shrugged and went back to doing her jigsaw puzzle. The only question she asked was if my partner treated me well. I told her that he did. She was happy with that.

My partner (I only have one at the moment) recently told his mom. I'm sure his dad knows now too. His wife's family already knows. I'm not sure how open he is to me meeting his family but my mum wants to meet him. My brother is meeting him this weekend.
 
I love hearing everyone's stories and opinions. Thanks for helping me out! Now I need to come up with fun nicknames for the husband and the boyfriend like you all have!
 
And so much easier to follow than one-letter nicknames ...
 
Subbing to this thread. My situation sometimes feels like a situation soomed for heartbreak (most likely mine), so I'm taking notes here.
 
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