MrFarFromRight
Banned
I have recently been participating in several threads where members mentioned either marital or child abuse. To spare myself a load of typing, I quote my comment from one of these threads:
1) We [Jimmy and I] are interested in the experiences of anyone who has gone through - or witnessed - abuse. Even from abusers. Please don't feel that if you don't consider yourself "a cultured, intelligent woman who expresses herself well", we won't value whatever contribution you could make.
2) Can anyone recommend a polyamory.com-like forum for abuse victims? One where Jimmy could sign up to ask other abuse victims for their stories? He's more interested in first-hand accounts than in good advice from experts. (Though if you know of any excellent advice/analysis articles, please share those, too.)
3) Total confidentiality promised. Alternatively, if you want your name (or a pseudonym) to appear on the acknowledgements page, we could do that.*
i) Our experience is that if you publish your e-mail address on the Internet, your inbox gets swamped (no, not swamped: flooded) with spam. Jimmy has had to totally abandon several addresses due to this. Because of this, you can find a coded e-mail address (reduces the problem if not totally eradicating it) at http://la-granota.com/crazy.htm
ii) Or you could send me a PM.
iii) Or - if you wish to share your experiences with the whole forum - feel free to do so on this thread.
4) If you ask me not to look atyour profile and/or other posts, I will respect your wishes.
On the thread quoted from above, I advised the OP to see the film "Good Will Hunting". I extend that advice to ALL abuse victims. Pay especial attention to the following:
a) The victim - without having been healed and although a basically good-hearted person - becomes violent himself.
b) The scene where the therapist tells him "It's not your fault."
Warm hugs to all of you,
MFFR
* It's time people stopped being ashamed of admitting that they were victims of abuse. This is one of the big reasons for writing this book: children must be encouraged to speak out.
For anyone [else] interested, I add the following:I'm going to drag a side issue onto this thread. Apologies for the rambling preamble.[My husband] couldn't seem to stop his constant sarcasm, attacks on my character, gas-lighting, and fits of rage - all directed at me. There are children involved so I had to go.
My good friend, Jimmy (also poly: that's his poem that's linked to in the 4th line of my signature) specialises [as a writer] in stories for children. The 2 of us work in a tiny "publishing hut" and he has discussed with me his idea to write a story for children dealing with marital/child abuse.
This is a future project (his present one is a story about escalating violence between 2 schoolboys [working title: "It All Started With A Joke. Honest."]), but - like many writers - he keeps several ideas bubbling along at the same time. The original idea for the marital abuse story actually occured to him before the schoolboy violence one.
It's a case of a woman who leaves her husband because she discovers that not only has he been abusive to her but also [subsequently] to their children. I don't know if that is the case with your husband (feel free to answer that one), but here comes the point:
The seed of this project was something that a teenaged daughter says to the mother: "Why did you leave because of us? Why didn't you leave because of what he was doing to you? Don't you deserve to be treated well?"
Here are my questions:
a) Could you answer that one for us?
b) Are your children aware of your husband's abuse towards yourself? If so,
c) How did/do they deal with that?
d) Would you (with or without your children) be interested in collaborating on this book? First-hand experience could make it more authentic. Although my father was emotionally abusive to my mother, she never left him. Where is the point where that decision is taken? WHY do so many abused women take that step "for the children's sake"?
You are a cultured, intelligent woman who expresses herself well. (Those 4 attributes are largely independent of each other: to find all 4 together is a plus). I admit that once I read the quote that starts this comment, I have stalked you (for 1/4 hr: enough to see your age in your profile [old enough to have children old enough to express themselves well on this subject] and your comments on other threads [your children are young enough not to be independent of their parents]).
Although not strictly on-topic re: this thread, you may answer here, link me to another thread (No: I'll start up one myself.) or send me a PM. (Click on my name to do so.) Or (of course) decide that you have better ways of spending your time (or that it's none of our business).
p.s. May I (the typo champion) point out to anyone wishing to make a search for the poem you shared, that it's by Pablo Neruda?
1) We [Jimmy and I] are interested in the experiences of anyone who has gone through - or witnessed - abuse. Even from abusers. Please don't feel that if you don't consider yourself "a cultured, intelligent woman who expresses herself well", we won't value whatever contribution you could make.
2) Can anyone recommend a polyamory.com-like forum for abuse victims? One where Jimmy could sign up to ask other abuse victims for their stories? He's more interested in first-hand accounts than in good advice from experts. (Though if you know of any excellent advice/analysis articles, please share those, too.)
3) Total confidentiality promised. Alternatively, if you want your name (or a pseudonym) to appear on the acknowledgements page, we could do that.*
i) Our experience is that if you publish your e-mail address on the Internet, your inbox gets swamped (no, not swamped: flooded) with spam. Jimmy has had to totally abandon several addresses due to this. Because of this, you can find a coded e-mail address (reduces the problem if not totally eradicating it) at http://la-granota.com/crazy.htm
ii) Or you could send me a PM.
iii) Or - if you wish to share your experiences with the whole forum - feel free to do so on this thread.
4) If you ask me not to look atyour profile and/or other posts, I will respect your wishes.
On the thread quoted from above, I advised the OP to see the film "Good Will Hunting". I extend that advice to ALL abuse victims. Pay especial attention to the following:
a) The victim - without having been healed and although a basically good-hearted person - becomes violent himself.
b) The scene where the therapist tells him "It's not your fault."
Warm hugs to all of you,
MFFR
* It's time people stopped being ashamed of admitting that they were victims of abuse. This is one of the big reasons for writing this book: children must be encouraged to speak out.
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