zackteach
New member
That's where my head has been at for the last few months. I've been wishing that I could just turn this...intrigue off. Wish that I could turn off my desire to keep on searching even when I had someone. It almost feels like an obsession, and my head tends to treat it as such.
I guess I end up feeling this way because I see so many people on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid that look like they might be a good match for me. The main problem? They're not Poly. So it feels like there's no point in even talking to them, because if we DID hit it off, then I'd feel like crap for missing out and leading them on.
I've been trying to find poly people for approaching 3 years now. Maybe my location isn't the best for it, I'm in Tulsa Oklahoma. But I know there are poly people out there, I've seen some on the dating sites/apps, I've been in Oklahoma and Tulsa-related FB Poly Groups, I've seen them on Fet-Life. But nothing's ever solidified with anyone.
I know of several people who were formerly in the Poly lifestyle, who eased off it and seem to not give much of a care about getting another partner or exploring it again and seem to be fine with just 1 partner and man I wish I could just do that. But I think a problem for me is that I haven't even actually experienced a successful poly relationship yet for any length of time, so I can't just...stop. My mind won't let me. Not until maybe I get one and it blows up in my face, I don't know.
I mean just today someone on Bumble, this intelligent and well spoken and beautiful girl matches me on Bumble and I wish I could've kept talking but she hadn't read my profile before messaging me and when I brought it up, she was very nice about it but yes, that's another missed opportunity. Someone else who may have been awesome for me, but because we're looking for different things, I'm shooting myself in the foot. That's what it feels like.
But I don't trust myself to stop. I don't know that I could be with any 1 person and not ever feel the urge to look for someone else, emotionally or sexually. I worry that I'd just end up hurting them if I was only with 1 person.
But I also worry I don't have the desire to maintain 2 or more relationships. Like, I want to, but I don't know that I'd actually put the time into it.
I guess more than anything, I wish I could just turn it all off and be an asexual hermit.
I guess I end up feeling this way because I see so many people on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid that look like they might be a good match for me. The main problem? They're not Poly. So it feels like there's no point in even talking to them, because if we DID hit it off, then I'd feel like crap for missing out and leading them on.
I've been trying to find poly people for approaching 3 years now. Maybe my location isn't the best for it, I'm in Tulsa Oklahoma. But I know there are poly people out there, I've seen some on the dating sites/apps, I've been in Oklahoma and Tulsa-related FB Poly Groups, I've seen them on Fet-Life. But nothing's ever solidified with anyone.
I know of several people who were formerly in the Poly lifestyle, who eased off it and seem to not give much of a care about getting another partner or exploring it again and seem to be fine with just 1 partner and man I wish I could just do that. But I think a problem for me is that I haven't even actually experienced a successful poly relationship yet for any length of time, so I can't just...stop. My mind won't let me. Not until maybe I get one and it blows up in my face, I don't know.
I mean just today someone on Bumble, this intelligent and well spoken and beautiful girl matches me on Bumble and I wish I could've kept talking but she hadn't read my profile before messaging me and when I brought it up, she was very nice about it but yes, that's another missed opportunity. Someone else who may have been awesome for me, but because we're looking for different things, I'm shooting myself in the foot. That's what it feels like.
But I don't trust myself to stop. I don't know that I could be with any 1 person and not ever feel the urge to look for someone else, emotionally or sexually. I worry that I'd just end up hurting them if I was only with 1 person.
But I also worry I don't have the desire to maintain 2 or more relationships. Like, I want to, but I don't know that I'd actually put the time into it.
I guess more than anything, I wish I could just turn it all off and be an asexual hermit.