I have recently met the gentleman around 4 months ago. He is very attentive to me and nice and kind. In the time that I have known him we have had sex twice. I am at the age where I am quite aware of my needs.
So what ages are you? Some 30 year olds don't want much sex. Some 60 or 70 year olds want lots of sex. If you're only 5 years younger than him, it's not an age thing, per se, just personal preference or libido... As a woman, my sex drive increased after age 40. My ex h was only 2 years older than me, but he was thrilled and took good advantage of my newfound drive. But on average, I do tend to date wo/men in their 40s or younger, because of higher libidos and better health. I'm a 60 year old woman and I like to have sex several times a week. My partners are 27, 38 and 42. Between the 3 of them, I almost get enough sex lol
So yesterday we talked. He said "you being who you are, I knew it would come up." I let him know my needs and he pretty much said that that is just not his priority. He is a bit older, and said he is older, and that [sex] is not important to him.
Again, 5 years difference is not a big deal! But if he's basically asexual and just wants companionship, that's his choice.
He is willing to take care of me and fill my needs in all other ways. He did say that if I needed it [more sex] that he had no problem with me going out to get what I "need" with someone else.
Ok so this is new to me. What does that mean? What does that look like? Is this poly? I don't know the rules. Can someone please enlighten me? He did say I am attractive and sexy and he always compliments me. Just not sure he wouldn't want me. Please help me.
... I really thought that that was my only option. Get married again or find another MM. But after a while of not finding anyone worth getting attached to (emotionally) I stopped looking and then this guy found me. When I say he is older, he is 5 years older than me. I am used to playing with younger guys, so to me this is older.
So do you love him? Does he seem like he'd be good to live with and be bonded to legally? Or are you just gold digging? Just using him?
So that is where my first story starts. I have been with him for 4 months and he is quite eager to turn this into a LTR.
Do you mean he wants to move in with you? After only 4 months? Why not wait a year, until the NRE wears off? Maybe he will turn out to be a jerk. Maybe he will tire of you. It is way too soon to tell.
I was pretty cautious and careful and worried because I have my playmates and I didn't want to lose [the older guy], especially since this older guy was not interested in sex. So when this proposition came up I was intrigued... best of both worlds I suppose. Without the guilt.
Now I know that having an affair is different than the type of relationship that I am currently evolving into. So that puts me at ease a bit. The extra without the scheming and scamming.
His whole situation that he is offering is fantastic so far. But who knows what the expectation is?
Ask.
I am not sure how to start the conversation, as far as where the limits are drawn, and is it don't ask don't tell? Or do I need approval? I do know there are a lot more questions, and more conversations to be had. But where do I start? Just live in this part for a moment and let it evolve?
NO, absolutely not! Do not "live in the moment." Search your soul to see if this is what you really want. Make some plans, get some conversation going!
Does he know you have several sex play partners? If not, tell him ASAP! You're not being specific here. When he says he wants this to be a LTR, but he doesn't expect you to be mono, but he wants to support you financially, do you trust him? Does he trust you? Is this purely mercenary for you, and, for him, just wanting arm candy and someone to wash his socks? Does that sound fun?
Let him know you you are fucking others. Tell him their names, where they live, how often you see them, and how you will continue to do so, since you need sex. Maybe he will think that is hot. A hotwife thing. Maybe he will just kind of not care and give his blessing to let you go have your sexual needs met, as if you're going shopping or out to lunch with a woman friend. Beware though, if he forbids you from falling in love. And what if you do fall in love with one of your sex partners, and vice versa? Do you dump the "old" dude?
Just jump in and discuss this thoroughly. Don't just "let things happen." What might happen is a train wreck. You aided a married man to cheat for many years. Polyamory takes pristine ethics. You might need to change your mindset around relationships to embark on this without hurting your older mostly asexual beau.