Hi everyone!
I am returning to the forum after nearly 18 months and I hope that I can get some of the same types of advice that I was given before.
So my wife and I have been living the lifestyle since 2014. In that time she has had one boyfriend and multiple more casual encounters. I personally have had no relationships outside of the marriage. There are several reasons for this. One, I am not very outgoing. Two, I feel that I want to focus mainly on my wife right now. But that brings me to my issue.
My wife was in a wonderful relationship with a man named Bill. They had a great time together and the best part was that her relationship with him really enhanced our marriage. But it turns out that Bill was a charlatan and they broke up. After I helped my wife through her first poly break up, it seemed that she and I were closer than ever. It also seemed that she wanted to take a break from the lifestyle. This was fine with me but unfortunately it led to a long dry spell fro us. Lately, I have been trying to rekindle the flame. On occasion I have had success but for the most part I have been getting pushed aside.
You see, over the past several months, my wife has become very involved with several members of certain Facebook groups that she belongs to. At first it was no problem but after a while she began spending all of her time chatting with these people and it became very hard for me to communicate with her. Two weeks ago, she told me that she wanted a divorce so that she could run off and be with one of her FB guys. This was the first time that I realized that she was creating relationships with some of these people. I was devastated. I felt like I was being cheated on because she violated our first rule of being open and honest. Well, she decided that requesting a divorce was silly and that she was just caught up in things, and she apologized for hurting me. After two weeks of trying to talk things out and figure out how the FB relationships work in the framework of our poly marriage, I learned that many of the people that she chats with are just idle chit chat but there are several that are more serious. She has allowed me to see some of her conversations and she has talked to me about two or three people. But here is the rub, or at least part of it. She has told many people that she is divorced or getting a divorce. With one exception she will not allow me to have any insight into her relationships with those people. That worries me and it bothers me.
The next part of the problem is that she is ALWAYS texting these people. One guy, I found out last night, is who she calls her "New Bill." He knows about me, he is willing to follow the rules and he seems like a great dude. No problems with her being involved with him. The problem is that she is spending all of her time and focusing all of her energy on him and several other more casual relationships and I am kind of left with little or nothing. It leaves me with an emotional void. Even if I had someone else, that void would still be there because my wife is my universe! Every time I try to tell her that it bothers me that she is spending so much time with them, she gets angry. IF she does put the phone down she to spend time with me it seems like she is doing it out of obligation and not desire. I am also being led to believe that I have to compete with several (I don't know how many) other people. It's killing me.
So, Am I over reacting?
What advice do you all have for me? Thanks!
I am returning to the forum after nearly 18 months and I hope that I can get some of the same types of advice that I was given before.
So my wife and I have been living the lifestyle since 2014. In that time she has had one boyfriend and multiple more casual encounters. I personally have had no relationships outside of the marriage. There are several reasons for this. One, I am not very outgoing. Two, I feel that I want to focus mainly on my wife right now. But that brings me to my issue.
My wife was in a wonderful relationship with a man named Bill. They had a great time together and the best part was that her relationship with him really enhanced our marriage. But it turns out that Bill was a charlatan and they broke up. After I helped my wife through her first poly break up, it seemed that she and I were closer than ever. It also seemed that she wanted to take a break from the lifestyle. This was fine with me but unfortunately it led to a long dry spell fro us. Lately, I have been trying to rekindle the flame. On occasion I have had success but for the most part I have been getting pushed aside.
You see, over the past several months, my wife has become very involved with several members of certain Facebook groups that she belongs to. At first it was no problem but after a while she began spending all of her time chatting with these people and it became very hard for me to communicate with her. Two weeks ago, she told me that she wanted a divorce so that she could run off and be with one of her FB guys. This was the first time that I realized that she was creating relationships with some of these people. I was devastated. I felt like I was being cheated on because she violated our first rule of being open and honest. Well, she decided that requesting a divorce was silly and that she was just caught up in things, and she apologized for hurting me. After two weeks of trying to talk things out and figure out how the FB relationships work in the framework of our poly marriage, I learned that many of the people that she chats with are just idle chit chat but there are several that are more serious. She has allowed me to see some of her conversations and she has talked to me about two or three people. But here is the rub, or at least part of it. She has told many people that she is divorced or getting a divorce. With one exception she will not allow me to have any insight into her relationships with those people. That worries me and it bothers me.
The next part of the problem is that she is ALWAYS texting these people. One guy, I found out last night, is who she calls her "New Bill." He knows about me, he is willing to follow the rules and he seems like a great dude. No problems with her being involved with him. The problem is that she is spending all of her time and focusing all of her energy on him and several other more casual relationships and I am kind of left with little or nothing. It leaves me with an emotional void. Even if I had someone else, that void would still be there because my wife is my universe! Every time I try to tell her that it bothers me that she is spending so much time with them, she gets angry. IF she does put the phone down she to spend time with me it seems like she is doing it out of obligation and not desire. I am also being led to believe that I have to compete with several (I don't know how many) other people. It's killing me.
So, Am I over reacting?
What advice do you all have for me? Thanks!