MsEmotional
Member
I was reading the “Taming Your Mammoth” article that Spork posted in the Articles section a couple years ago (here it is https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html if you don’t want to click over to that area) and it really got me thinking about something that is bothering me in my life.
I get nervous about the hows and what ifs of actually telling people but at this point I am pretty much willing to be “out” to anyone. Yesterday I started a new job and I came out right away during introductions (not in a creepy TMI let me tell you all about my alternative lifestyle way, but just as part of the “fun fact” icebreaker). It seems a little silly, but I just feel a lot better starting a job knowing that I don’t have to self-censor.
My kids don’t necessarily have the words for my relationship with Ponytail, but we hide nothing from them. We hold hands, kiss....it doesn’t phase my kids to come into my room and find Ponytail in bed with me just as it doesn’t phase them when their dad is in bed with me.
Anyway, the point is, Ponytail isn’t out to his parents about us. He’s out to a few close friends and we hang out together....and he’s out to people in the kink community....but when we hang out with his parents, I am just a friend. I don’t see his parents often, but he lives with them, so I run into them occasionally.
Right away when I first met them, he said he didn’t want to have to explain my wedding ring to his mom and so we never hid the fact that I was married. Since then, his parents have met my children on several occasions. They seem to be savvy to the fact that something is up — he usually stays the night at my house once a week, when we went out of town for the weekend they asked if he was going with me, etc. They have never met Glasses but that’s just because of Glasses not being interested in coming over, not because he’s never been invited to Ponytail’s house.
It’s important to know that Ponytail never lies to his parents. He just doesn’t elaborate and/or says that a question is personal and refuses to answer. When they are around we don’t hold hands or kiss or say I love you — although the last time I was over we kissed at a time when it would have been totally possible for one of his parents to walk in on us.
So I guess what I am getting at is, is it normal that it makes me so uncomfortable that he isn’t “out” to his parents about us? Is that just my monogamist view, wanting acknowledgement and acceptance of our relationship? Wanting his parents’ “blessing”? Do I need to just let it go rather than feel like I am waiting for this milestone?
I get nervous about the hows and what ifs of actually telling people but at this point I am pretty much willing to be “out” to anyone. Yesterday I started a new job and I came out right away during introductions (not in a creepy TMI let me tell you all about my alternative lifestyle way, but just as part of the “fun fact” icebreaker). It seems a little silly, but I just feel a lot better starting a job knowing that I don’t have to self-censor.
My kids don’t necessarily have the words for my relationship with Ponytail, but we hide nothing from them. We hold hands, kiss....it doesn’t phase my kids to come into my room and find Ponytail in bed with me just as it doesn’t phase them when their dad is in bed with me.
Anyway, the point is, Ponytail isn’t out to his parents about us. He’s out to a few close friends and we hang out together....and he’s out to people in the kink community....but when we hang out with his parents, I am just a friend. I don’t see his parents often, but he lives with them, so I run into them occasionally.
Right away when I first met them, he said he didn’t want to have to explain my wedding ring to his mom and so we never hid the fact that I was married. Since then, his parents have met my children on several occasions. They seem to be savvy to the fact that something is up — he usually stays the night at my house once a week, when we went out of town for the weekend they asked if he was going with me, etc. They have never met Glasses but that’s just because of Glasses not being interested in coming over, not because he’s never been invited to Ponytail’s house.
It’s important to know that Ponytail never lies to his parents. He just doesn’t elaborate and/or says that a question is personal and refuses to answer. When they are around we don’t hold hands or kiss or say I love you — although the last time I was over we kissed at a time when it would have been totally possible for one of his parents to walk in on us.
So I guess what I am getting at is, is it normal that it makes me so uncomfortable that he isn’t “out” to his parents about us? Is that just my monogamist view, wanting acknowledgement and acceptance of our relationship? Wanting his parents’ “blessing”? Do I need to just let it go rather than feel like I am waiting for this milestone?