It's not a bed of roses being a lover to a transperson, Opal. I can relate. Often the feelings of partners of transpersons are glossed over since the t-woman or man themselves' needs and decisions are central. But we go through a lot too, emotionally and socially.
I've been with pixi 7 years. She went on hormones full time just before we met, so I've gotten to see her "grow up" as a girl/woman. I like what hormones have done, her body has lost muscle and gained a feminine fat layer (not that she is overweight), so she feels much more in line with what her brain thinks she should look like. She's grown breasts too. And I like the look of that as well as the increased sensitivity.
Her "penis" has shrunk and she has stopped shooting ejaculate. Just a few drops come out when she cums. It's OK for me again too, since she is now multi-orgasmic like a woman! Her entire body is an erogenous zone, not just focused on that one area, like a man's usually is. Fun!
She's had hundred of hours of electrolysis too, and is getting almost done. It sure saves time and the effort of shaving every morning and putting on thick makeup to cover the shadow. Not to mention just the gender confirmation of that, for her.
I have a feeling she will be so happy to finally get surgery, it will only serve to increase her sex drive, since now, when we are doing it, she doesn't even like looking down at herself, since it just looks wrong. That said, she's grown so much over the years we've been together, she is already more sexual than she ever was, when we first met (not counting the first 3 months of her NRE).
Anyway, you're not alone. Just wanted to share what I deal in, since I'm 7 years into it. NRE long gone, but intimacy and love and trust and attraction only increasing over time.