Thank you for the kind thoughts. We still don't have any details, hoping it is natural causes. Just trying to make it to the weekend. I ended up dealing with much of the aftermath of the end of work day reveal. There were professional grief counsellors there but folks weren't ready to share with strangers and I did a lot of holding folks tightly and crying myself.There was the moment when I looked around and realised I was the only management representative left. I felt abandoned, because in fact, i had been.
This all got mixed up with Prof and relationship talks last night. His last trip was mostly a vacation with Ms Music with a work trip carved out of the middle. I had no idea, basically because I didn't want to know. I only remember a few key parts of the conversation. I was emotionally wrung out by the time I saw him and hit the alcohol on an empty stomach.
He says he had no idea that I didn't want to discuss other partners because of the negativity I was hearing. I am sure I mentioned it on more than 1 ocassion
No idea that I wanted more BD play and what about the other week when he asked at like 2 am? I could have really gone that down path of how I have been asking for months but decided to just let it go at we would "both" work on asking.
I said I was jealous of his trip, he had asked me to go but I couldn't, but travel has been my trigger for a long time. It sounds like he had a fun time. I was wondering why contact was so sporadic. Now I know! He said he had never travelled and adventured so much as this past year with me. that felt good to hear.
Most of it was positive. communication is good, we have a pattern to it. Hence me wondering what was going on during the last trip, but whatever
We are both working on sharing feelings. he wants me to be able to ask for help. I tend to ask using phrases like " if you are not busy", or "when you have time."
He said he thinks we both are trying out emotions and sharing emotions with each other and that other folks have commented how much easier and nicer he is to talk to these days. He likes that we are both experimenting and that is seems to be successful.
My main focus was more along the lines of "What is the point, what are we doing and why are doing it?" He completely understood that my world had been rocked and the little detail questions had changed into big picture questions. His answer was along the lines of love, exploring, adventures, mutual respect, great sex.
He feels the elephant in the room is still me not talking about "other people." He wants are more scheduled approach to relationship check ins and to use those opportunities to discuss other partners. He doesn't want updates to be dropped into casual conversation. He absolutely wants to know when I start a relationship with someone and if I am having sex. it was the last thing he said to me when I left this morning. "Are you having sex with other people?" "Will you tell me when you are having sex with people?" I said I will when I am ready.
If I see Jay this weekend and we have sex again then I will tell Prof. I feel I have to push through my reticence to discuss if the open/poly side of the relationship is going to work. My DADT is showing it limitations as time progresses.
This all got mixed up with Prof and relationship talks last night. His last trip was mostly a vacation with Ms Music with a work trip carved out of the middle. I had no idea, basically because I didn't want to know. I only remember a few key parts of the conversation. I was emotionally wrung out by the time I saw him and hit the alcohol on an empty stomach.
He says he had no idea that I didn't want to discuss other partners because of the negativity I was hearing. I am sure I mentioned it on more than 1 ocassion
No idea that I wanted more BD play and what about the other week when he asked at like 2 am? I could have really gone that down path of how I have been asking for months but decided to just let it go at we would "both" work on asking.
I said I was jealous of his trip, he had asked me to go but I couldn't, but travel has been my trigger for a long time. It sounds like he had a fun time. I was wondering why contact was so sporadic. Now I know! He said he had never travelled and adventured so much as this past year with me. that felt good to hear.
Most of it was positive. communication is good, we have a pattern to it. Hence me wondering what was going on during the last trip, but whatever
We are both working on sharing feelings. he wants me to be able to ask for help. I tend to ask using phrases like " if you are not busy", or "when you have time."
He said he thinks we both are trying out emotions and sharing emotions with each other and that other folks have commented how much easier and nicer he is to talk to these days. He likes that we are both experimenting and that is seems to be successful.
My main focus was more along the lines of "What is the point, what are we doing and why are doing it?" He completely understood that my world had been rocked and the little detail questions had changed into big picture questions. His answer was along the lines of love, exploring, adventures, mutual respect, great sex.
He feels the elephant in the room is still me not talking about "other people." He wants are more scheduled approach to relationship check ins and to use those opportunities to discuss other partners. He doesn't want updates to be dropped into casual conversation. He absolutely wants to know when I start a relationship with someone and if I am having sex. it was the last thing he said to me when I left this morning. "Are you having sex with other people?" "Will you tell me when you are having sex with people?" I said I will when I am ready.
If I see Jay this weekend and we have sex again then I will tell Prof. I feel I have to push through my reticence to discuss if the open/poly side of the relationship is going to work. My DADT is showing it limitations as time progresses.