New poly couple going slowly,somewhat.

I think that I will still test just to make myself feel better. Believe me if af wants to be like this from now on, I will take it, lol. It's just that one of the bdsm things that hubby does really could cause it to fail and he doesn't believe me so he's not going to stop. I asked him to go get a sperm count done but he says that I am paranoid and while I'm sure that is part of it, that doesn't mean that I am wrong. Oh well, if I am knocked up, then that baby really wants to be here and we'll handle it. I am sure that stress and hormones are probably to blame but with how things have been going lately for us, I wouldn't be at all surprised if I'm wrong about that, lol.
 
Hmm, I guess that I didn't press post reply last time like I thought. I will take a test just to rule it out. I have asked M to have a repeat sperm count done as he only had one done three months after that was all clear but I have noticed that over the past year his "stuff" has gone back to looking like it did pre vasectomy. He thinks that I am paranoid and while that is probably true, that doesn't mean that I am wrong. Stress and hormones are the likely culprits but with my luck I'm wrong about that. But, if af wants to change to being nonexistent, I'll take that any day over super heavy with horrible back cramps that start up to a week before hand. ( which I didn't have this time). I will try to think positively.
 
Well, af was marshaling her forces for a really bad day. :( I guess it is better than the alternative but it's very painful. I just hope that she doesn't align herself to come around the 20th next month, that's our 6 yr wedding anniversary. As of Aug 7th, we will have been together for 7.5 years.

I am wondering if I just have the 7 yr itch or if I am letting my lonelyness drive this poly thing. I have always known that I have a large capacity for love but I did the serial monogamy thing that ppl did in my generation because even if you weren't sleeping with them, you were a slut if you dated more than one at a time.

I think that has largely driven the divorce rate in this country. People don't date around enough and settle for what they can find. That isn't the case for me as I did date several men before finding Mike and just knowing that he wa the right man for me and he still is. I just need more now.

I need an identity other than mom and wife. I need to know that I have merit as a person separate from my family and serving them. Don't get me wrong, I love my family very much but I guess that I feel that they have taken me over.
 
Not having a good day. I am severely light headed and dizzy. I had to have M come home and take care of the kids and the dog. The dog is on meds that make him have to go out more often. I blacked out on the way down the stairs earlier. :( I think that I am just run down. This has happened before when I get dehydrated and haven't slept well in awhile. He came home grumpy from work and didn't want to hug me. I feel like I'm not allowed to get sick or something. When we are all sick, I do everything and he stays in bed for days. Men! Ugh.
 
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Feeling better today not 100% but much better. We have a members only party at our bdsm club tomorrow that also has a poly subgroup, wish us luck! Maybe, we will meet someone interesting that is interested back. We got all of Brenna's computer stuff for school over the past 2 days!. My cousin is giving us a desk and then we are all set for getting her area organized. We've decided to use the kitchen as the table now lives in the living room.

We will store her art supplies above the fridge and her other stuff in our bedroom on the bookshelf that my books currently live on. My cousin is also going to help us with money towards her dance class for her eotards, tights, ballet slippers and tap shoes. This will count as her pe requirement for school as she needs 1 hour a week of scheduled, organized and supervised pe a week.
 
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Well, we had a pretty good weekend. Had fun swimming, got Brenna's computer out and set up. The dog is getting better but , Mike now has pinkeye. We had a good meeting last night but when we got home, he looked in the mirror and realized that his eye was goopy and red so he booked it to the urgent care thismorning and they put him on antibiotic drops for it. He should be better in a week or so.
 
Well, so far, M has kept the pinkeye to himself. Let's hope that he keeps it that way. B had a great reading class yesterday. Her teacher confirmed to us that she is ready for transition to chapter level books and could probably read some chapter books as well. She doesn't like chapter books though because she wants pictures and most of them don't have any pictures. We are so proud of her as she will technically start Kinder on August 15th as that is when her classes will be loaded into the online school.

I have looked through her curriculum for all 5 of her courses and I am pretty sure that based off of what she already knows and how fast she learns that, she will be done with the kinder classes in 6-8 weeks. This school is 1-2 grade levels advanced from the regular public schools here depending on the subject.

She will have language arts/phonics, math, science, history and art to start off with. I am just not sure if they will send on the first grade music once she finishes the K classes or not but I am not all that concerned about it as it's not required past 2nd grade since she can trade it for a foreign language course starting in 3rd grade.

We have another potential match in the works on the poly front. I have established contact with a man but am waiting to
hear back what he thinks of the picture that I sent him. I will update when I know something. Wish us good luck! He is
straight so it would be a V situation with some mfm threesomes involved especially at first.
 
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Mental note, do not post when tired. I used first names instead of initials, lol. Oh well, if someone that I know sees this on this site, they are on here for a reason and shouldn't judge.
 
Well, we have 2 potentials now, we shall see which one, if any, move forward. We took N to the airport this am for her 2 week trip to see her sweeties so that they can see how the dynamic works with the three of them and the kids in the house together. She will be back on the 17th until November/December depending on how things go over the next two weeks. I feel better now that we are movjg forward again. I will try not to get too far ahead of myself this time and that will make things less stressful.
 
Well, I guess they both decided not to pursue anything as I haven't heard back from them. I guess that they could have gotten busy. I will give it a few days and see. D deleted me from his messenger finally. I blocked him but it wouldn't let me delete him. I wish him happiness in his life. We are fairly happy and I think closer since we started this journey.
 
Since you mentioned BDSM affecting male fertility, I am guessing your h is into CBT. I never thought before, about how that could put stress on the vas deferens, perhaps causing a reversal of the vasectomy!

Food for thought!
 
Hmm since I have no idea what cbt is I am going with no, lol. He is into eroticelectrostimulation (e-stim) which I have heard can open the ends back up and then they can grow back together. He thinks I'm wrong though.
 
Well, I just looked it up, lol. He is into some of that but not the hard core with weights and stuff he just likes a little light slapping so that wouldn't cause an issue.
 
Thanks for clarifying.
 
No, not at all. If you knew how kinky my gf and I are... :p
 
Lol, we are both into the e-stim and other things I am just not up on all of the terminology and abbreviations. I am feeling down today, I got a positive response from one of the two potentials and sent off a reply email yesterday in the am and haven't heard back, yet. Oh well, one day at a time, I guess. We are going to be very busy here soon anyway. We need to organize the school room for B and just the house in general this weekend, she has her 4th of 5 reading classes and then we start schooling followed by dance class in September.
 
Well, M and are definitely moving towards being closer than ever during this search. He says that I am trying too hard and that I need to let it come naturally. Idk how that will work as it's hard to just go out and meet guys when you're married without them thinking that you are trying to cheat. I just don't know how to explain that M is fine with and even encouraging this.
 
Well, today sucks, I have a migraine and the kids are in rare form today. Also, I find myself being attracted to a most inappropriate person that will remain in the unrealized affection file. :( For one, he's a little young although I don't know for sure my guess is he's 25 or 26 and that is far too young for him to get involved with me when I have no desire to give him any children of his own. Second, he is B's reading class instructor so I would have no idea how to approach him and it would definitely be inappropriate. Oh well, lol, I just have to learn some patience.
 
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