BlackUnicorn
New member
Hmm, I actually have to disagree with Indie, I thought the point of AT's post was that 1) he is irritated by the used of 'THE lifestyle' in reference to polyamory, and 2) he believes a more accurate, neutral (?) term should be used. Thus I took this to be a discussion thread where we have 1) a problem and 2) try to solve it to everyone's mutual delight. I am more than happy to change my use of language on this forum to make it more pleasurable for others to read.
Maybe not. I personally think that besides there being a mono/poly spectrum, there is a identity/practice spectrum. So it is a different thing to identify as mono/poly and a different thing to practice it. My previous use of the word 'lifestyle' is synonymous with the 'practice' end of the spectrum. You can DO polyamory, and people who DO polyamory tend to have different set of problems when forming new relationship than people who maybe ARE poly but DON'T DO poly.
Hmm, so that is what 'the lifestyle' means? English is not my first language and I would never suggest that my way of doing things is THE way to do it. I am sorry if I gave somebody that impression. I tend to use words like 'whore' or 'dyke' with no ill meaning, and have been called out on how, even if a word is not disrespectful or hurtful in the sense I use it, that the same word has so much cultural baggage that it cannot be used free from those connotations. So in that light, I understand people's irritation with 'THE lifestyle' in reference to poly.
Thanks Indie, a really good suggestion! I will accommodate that in my further posts.
I like 'community', too! Thanks RP!
Full-heartedly agree! Thanks for making me see that my use of language/choice of words was not value-neutral.
... being mono or poly is simply part of who you are and not really contingent on what you DO. So therein lies the distinction.
Maybe not. I personally think that besides there being a mono/poly spectrum, there is a identity/practice spectrum. So it is a different thing to identify as mono/poly and a different thing to practice it. My previous use of the word 'lifestyle' is synonymous with the 'practice' end of the spectrum. You can DO polyamory, and people who DO polyamory tend to have different set of problems when forming new relationship than people who maybe ARE poly but DON'T DO poly.
There may be people on this forum who consider themselves to have "a poly lifestyle", but that does not mean that there is "a" or "the" poly lifestyle for everyone who is involved in more than one lover-ly relationship.
Hmm, so that is what 'the lifestyle' means? English is not my first language and I would never suggest that my way of doing things is THE way to do it. I am sorry if I gave somebody that impression. I tend to use words like 'whore' or 'dyke' with no ill meaning, and have been called out on how, even if a word is not disrespectful or hurtful in the sense I use it, that the same word has so much cultural baggage that it cannot be used free from those connotations. So in that light, I understand people's irritation with 'THE lifestyle' in reference to poly.
It would be more appropriate to say you live a lifestyle which includes polyamory, or simply that you have polyamorous relationships in your life.
Thanks Indie, a really good suggestion! I will accommodate that in my further posts.
I wonder if the term "lifestyle" came out of the swingers turned poly that are in the community; the word I tend to use most often. I use "community I think because communities to me can be made up of many different people and different takes on a similar thing. I am part of the burlesque community also, but we all have a different take on that and come together with the same interest, love for what we do and a love for each other because of it. It makes me feel as if I belong when I say I am in a community of like minded people.
I like 'community', too! Thanks RP!
A lifestyle is something we create individually. It simply is a way of living that reflects who we are. It certainly can include elements of the culture in which we belong, or grew up in, but lifestyle is self-determined. That's a huge difference. And why there is no definitive polyamorous lifestyle, as I see it.
Full-heartedly agree! Thanks for making me see that my use of language/choice of words was not value-neutral.