WhatHappened
Active member
So a few months back my wife came home after a girls night out with a couple of her co-workers. She was a little tipsy and mentioned that she might have a little more than a crush on one of them. She then started to talk about possibly having her come home after the next girls night out. Being a man, I thought about how this is a rare opportunity that I shouldn't let slip by. So I tell her to look into it further.
As the next couple of weeks go by, I periodically checked in with her on the status of the situation. It was starting to sound like it was going to happen. I had no idea of how to prepare for something like this. I didn't research the possible outcomes of a scenario like this one. My only concern at this point was emotions getting involved. They were already involved. I was too blind to realize it.
I skimmed the answers but didn't see anyone point this out.
You saw a chance for a hot threesome. But the girlfriend was supposed to be just a sex toy for you to fulfill the (supposedly) typical male fantasy of seeing two women together. She wasn't supposed to have feelings. Or inspire feelings. Or have feelings returned to her. Or get in the way of your life.
She was just supposed to be a fun few erotic threesome nights with your wife.
Your mindset from the start was one of using another person to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
That said, your wife is also at fault here. It's borderline insane to move a person in, three months into a relationship. It's full blown there aren't even words for it insanity to want a tattoo with someone's name on such a short relationship and downright demented to move crowd four more people and three more animals into a house already packed to the gills.
Where are all these kids sleeping? Are you, wife, and GF all sharing a bedroom?
Honestly--I don't see any good answers here. Somebody is going to get hurt. You both let a genie out of a bottle in order to fulfill your sexual desires for this woman and your wife is right--nothing is ever going to be the same.
If the GF stays...if your wife prefers her...you're going to be hurt. Your children are almost certainly going to suffer a broken marriage or a strained and tense one.
If the two of you remove the GF to save the marriage, she is justifiably going to feel hurt, and likely resentful at being treated as disposable, as a fun little try at a new hobby, like golf, that, oops, didn't work, so let's just drop the used golf clubs off at goodwill and get back to our own lives.
Gala is right in saying you need to think about the outcome you want...but I think that question doesn't go far enough. It focuses on you, you, you. It ignores the fact that the two of you brought someone else into this and maybe you should also be considering the consequences of all of this to her.