I long for the days when sex was so sacred...

Magdlyn

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I long for the days when sex was so sacred... the only word for prostitute was "holy one."

This is evidenced in the Bible, of which I have made an exhaustive study. There are references in the books from the 7th century BC about how the Levites (Judaean nobility), patriarchal men who worshiped a male god (Yahweh), fought to remove the Goddess Asherah's image from the Jewish temple, and also fought to have her priests and priestesses (sex workers, qudesha and qudeshim, or holy ones) removed from their homes there, and therefore unable to perform their duties to the goddess, to have sex with people who came to them to worship Asherah and her consort Yahweh in this fashion.

The complete takeover of our planet by the patriarchal concept has made sex, and "infidelity" seem dirty and somehow wrong. Even amongst poly people here, I see relationships based mostly or only on sex all too often as being made out to be dirty and somehow lesser than, a full on, all or nothing totally committed relationship.
 
Have you read a recent book called "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan? It's a pretty fascinating read about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality. Based on your post here, you may find it a good read :) Most of the bigger chain bookstores carry it since it's fairly new, if not then it's readily available to order online.
 
Funny that you started this thread, Mags. I was recently telling a friend that through the years I have often thought of myself as a sort of reincarnation of a temple prostitute, in the original, best sense of the word. And just last night I sent Dreamy a message where I told him: "Sex can be so healing when two people are honest and open, and not out to use each other but just enjoy each other... I think we can really enjoy each other's bodies, get in touch with ourselves again, too, skin to skin..."

He and I are both dealing with divorce and it has been healing to be sexual with each other. As it has been healing for me to have a primarily sexual relationship with Shorty, who opened me up to a large part of myself that was hidden away. And there is so much caring and respect, though it is mostly sexual.

So many times in my sexual life (before I was married and my sexual energies were tamped down for many reasons), I had visions of myself in a temple or bathhouse, welcoming men home from war, soothing their spirits and bodies with sex, massage, pleasure, and helping make them whole again. The problem with my visions of being a modern-day temple prostitute in current society, was that I was programmed to believe in monogamy and finding an exclusive partner to grow old with -- and so I would get upset when the men I was with got the healing they needed and then were no longer in my life anymore. I often overlooked the fact that the encounter was finite, not meant to be a forever thing, and just as healing for me as it was for them. However, I consider myself fortunate that these patriarchal thoughts didn't always get in the way. I have had the enriching experience several times of having shared my body with someone, felt my heart expand in the time we shared together, and was able to say goodbye, still feeling a loving connection, without any sadness or sense of loss. I remember one of these guys saying to me, "I won't say I'll miss you, because that would mean there's something lacking. But what we had fills me and makes it possible for me to leave, and to smile whenever I think of you." And I knew what he meant, and felt the same way. I have always remembered him fondly, although that was the last time we saw each other, 22 years ago. To the others in our social circle who knew we'd gotten it on, they probably thought that all we had was a one-night stand. It was so much more, and yet it was just sex at the same time.

I started having sex at 14, was always tuned into my sexual nature, and although my Inner Prude has always been there and I don't have much experience with kinky shit or experimentation, I have known that my sexuality was healing to others. My sister has had the same thing -- even "curing" (for lack of a better word) one lover of ED, after he had sex with her. I don't think it's magic or fantasy. I think it has to do with trusting and being secure in one's desires and sharing the body with kindness and respect, which enables one's partner to resonate with that. I see this as very different from swinging, which turns me off.

Though it can seem to others that it's just whorish behavior, or somehow disrespectful to oneself to be so "casual" with sexual dalliances.

Maybe the patriarchal view of sex as dirty having been held for so many generations is another contributing factor to post-traumatic stress syndrome. Imagine all the soldiers with PTSD going to see a skilled sex worker instead of a shrink!
 
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Funny that you started this thread, Mags. I was recently telling a friend that through the years I have often thought of myself as a sort of reincarnation of a temple prostitute, in the best sense of the word.

Cindie, we are two peas in a pod. I have the same feelings. And i hate that we need to use the word "prostitute" for this kind of sexual healer. I am quite sure many high class um, hookers, and courtesans from the past were actually sexual healers, not just in it for the money, but for the yummy feelings and bonding only sex can bring.

Pro/stitute= for money. Sex is so good, many sex workers admit they are just getting paid for doing what they enjoy most (which is the definition of a perfect job, no?) :p. My gf knows I love it so much and am so good at it, she's often joked about "whoring me out."


I've also sexually healed men in short term relationships. Started their healing anyway, by providing an open heart and cunt, and expression of self care-taking, which they then go on to further explore in other sexual or love relationships, and/or more traditional therapy.

Maybe the patriarchal view of sex as dirty having been held for so many generations is another contributing factor to post-traumatic stress syndrome. Imagine all the soldiers with PTSD going to see a skilled sex worker instead of a shrink!

Funny you'd mention the military. Surely millions of frightened soldiers, facing death, missing loved ones, have found comfort in the arms and pussy of a sex worker. Much more comfort being embraced in the arms of a willing "stranger" (goddess) than in a quick furtive wank.

And in one review of Sex at Dawn, it is mentioned:

When we think of the first swinger parties most of us imagine 1970s counter-culture, we don't picture Top Gun fighter pilots in World War II. Yet, according to researchers Joan and Dwight Dixon, it was on military bases that "partner swapping" first originated in the United States. As the group with the highest casualty rate during the war, these elite pilots and their wives "shared each other as a kind of tribal bonding ritual" and had an unspoken agreement to care for one another if a woman's husband didn't make it back home. Like the sexy apes known as bonobos, this kind of open sexuality served a social function that provided a way to relieve stress and form long-lasting bonds.
 
Magdyln very interesting thread..

Do you have any advanced degrees in religious studies? Should we be addressing you as doctor Magdyln. I find your knowledge in these matters very impressive. Do you have a language gifts as well... Latin, Greek. I nominate you are resident religious expert ... all those in favor say I.... I

I like this idea and with my current situation I may go to church more frequently....say twice a week....ya know good for the soul and all that.

thanks D
 
Magdyln very interesting thread..

Do you have any advanced degrees in religious studies? Should we be addressing you as doctor Magdyln. I find your knowledge in these matters very impressive.

Thanks dingedheart! No, I've taken a few courses in the belief systems and histories of various religions, but most of my reading has been on my own, going from book to book as one leads to another.

Do you have a language gifts as well... Latin, Greek.

I wish! I know a few key phrases and words in Greek, Hebrew, Latin, Sanskrit, but am no scholar of any particular language. I learn from those that do have good working understanding of those languages.

I nominate you are resident religious expert ... all those in favor say I.... I

I like this idea and with my current situation I may go to church more frequently....say twice a week....ya know good for the soul and all that.

thanks D

Well... a traditional Christian church would not be the place to bring these "heretical" ideas. I'd look for a Unitarian Universalist or Gnostic Christian church.

A better place would be a Buddhist or Hindu temple.

Sex-KamaSutra-13.jpg
 
Ah, the best way to get over one man is to get under a new one.

No, seriously, sex can cure a broken heart. I think society views 'rebound fucks' as something very negative indeed, as if you are a mistaking a substitute for the real deal and end up hurting yourself and everyone else in the process. But hey, few people feel super-sexually confident after just discovering that their partner doesn't desire them that way anymore.

Which is better; stay home and mope, play some sappy love songs and wonder if it's in fact been so long the last time you did it that human mating behavior might have changed drastically in the meanwhile; or to go out there, finding someone who feels the need to connect as deeply as you do, and then do some of the connecting.

I think someone with a healthy self-esteem and a deep enjoyment of sex for the sake of sex instead of sex as a source of self-validation is much better equipped for casual things as well as relationships in general. Maybe it is about general connectedness with your feelings and being able to connect with others.

There was a guy in the telly complaining he wasn't getting any (he was 31 and had had 6 sexual partners, not counting the paid contacts, so him 'not getting any' can be debated). We talked with a neighbor about this and she said that 'I can't imagine what all these guys are whining about. Like, honestly, there are women out there who are up for good casual sex as much as any guy. If you take care of you personal hygiene, are reasonably polite and don't have too high standards for your level, you should be able to find what you need.'

I think this guy's problem was that he oozed hostility and resentment towards women. I sometimes fancy I can say if a guy generally just loves women, not only as potential mates and fucks but in general, if he just enjoys feminine company. I bet those guys have much higher incidence of getting some than the ones like the guy in the telly.
 
I sure am glad I never cared what other people thought or think sexually. I am more or less, the way I am (however always evolving). The only people that should be concerned with my sexual appetite are the ones I am involved with.

Beyond that most people can go suck a nut ;)
 
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I think someone with a healthy self-esteem and a deep enjoyment of sex for the sake of sex instead of sex as a source of self-validation is much better equipped for casual things as well as relationships in general. Maybe it is about general connectedness with your feelings and being able to connect with others.

^^^ This!!! ^^^
 
Ah, the best way to get over one man is to get under a new one.

Ba da bing! Mae West, I think? Now, there was a woman ahead of her time.

Which is better; stay home and mope, play some sappy love songs and wonder if it's in fact been so long the last time you did it that human mating behavior might have changed drastically in the meanwhile; ...

LOL!

Actually I was mono for so long (in practice) there were changes in mating behavior. All that internet porn, all that anal sex and those money shots, and shaving of the pubes now being expected amongst our youth, for both genders! WTH?

(Not that I am against anal sex, but some men seem to think it's the be-all and end-all of sex now, because porn makes it look so simple and attractive. No pain, no messes, no lube, no warmup! Yikes~)
 
Hopefully this question will come out with the same genuine respect and curiousity it is indended to convey...

Why did you pick the title of this thread? Do you personally feel judged or supressed in regards to sex?
 
Well, I have felt judged and suppressed from time to time, but since my separation from my ex, I feel amazingly free. The reason for this thread wasn't personal, it was anthropological.
 
Hopefully this question will come out with the same genuine respect and curiousity it is indended to convey...

Why did you pick the title of this thread? Do you personally feel judged or supressed in regards to sex?

I won't answer for Mags, but I personally feel that all I have to do is look around at the mass media and see that sex is generally judged in society as something that is not sacred and it does feel oppressive at times. Just the fact that prostitution, a profession where a woman can support herself independently and be in control of her sexuality, has become something illegal where a prostitute is abused and controlled by a disrespectful pimp and treated like dirt, taking place in some sleazy crappy hotel or something, and not a temple where the prostitute's gifts are considered a holy blessing, says that mainstream society has long viewed sex as something unwholesome and filthy. That bugs me. I sometimes wish I could go out and make money fucking (in a sacred, reverent way, like when a holistic healer charges for their services) without being rejected by society or seeing such a thing being sensationalized and vilified in the press.

I also find it tiresome sometimes, on the dating scene nowadays (especially being a "child of the 70s"), to have to be careful with prospective dates in not painting myself as a whore if I want sex on the first date. And I often do! :D
 
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to have to be careful with prospective dates in not painting myself as a whore if I want sex on the first date.

In my observations, the derogatory attitude that is displayed towards women who are more free with their sexuality often comes form other women more then men. I hear guys say a women "is easy" in a much less negative tone than I hear women say "she is a slut or skank". The basis for this negativity, I sometimes feel, is derived from feeling threatened or jealous. On the flip side, men seem to be ok with engaging in casual relationships with women who are sexully more giving but are often hesitant to commit to them in a life pairing/raise your kids sort of way. Obviously a lot of this has to do with conditioned monogamy and the values outwardly held up by most modern societies (I say ouwardly because people are often much different behind closed doors ;))

Despite being surrounded by very sexually open people in our community I am not really sure if this is getting any better beyond it's borders. My old community upholds much of the standard responses to sexual freedom especially towards women; Guys are at the mercy of their uncontrollable dicks and women are sluts by choice. It's almost as if males are given more tolerance because they are sexually weaker..women should know better.
 
If men could give birth, lots of attitudes would vastly different, but I especially think there would be less hangups and judgments about sex. Women are put on pedestals, not to be sullied by dirty sex, because they are "supposed to be" mothers. Men have long been able to stick their dicks anywhere they want because they won't be saddled by a pregnancy. Motherhood became more revered than sexuality, for women.
 
I hear guys say a women "is easy"

Yeah, but why are they even saying that? Why is it an issue or something to comment on? That's the problem. It's not a compliment, and no less derogatory than another chick saying she's a skank.

I remember, years ago, when I asked a guy I was seeing what drew him to me and made him want to pursue me. He responded with a bunch of nice compliments, but mixed in with all that was the comment, "I had the feeling you were free with your body." It might have seemed innocuous or flattering, but I felt degraded somehow by it. There was this constant niggling thought that he saw me just as someone who put out, and that he could get lucky with, not really an appreciation of ME, and how "free I was with my body." Now, it came out later on in the relationship that he did think of it as sort of a badge of honor to have "gotten" me. So I, and my sexuality, became objectified by his attitude.
 
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I love Sex at Dawn, I have heard lots about it at this point from several community members where I live. A couple of which met the very interesting author at the Seattle poly conference in the fall.

We once went to Aphrodite's Temple (Sacred Sexuality) introduction and were waiting for the actual thing to come here.... hasn't happened yet. A couple of friends of mine have been to the one in Seattle and have been very moved by them...

here is a link http://www.ravenslairleather.com/Main.html
 
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