H'ok So.....

breathemusic

Active member
My Back Story, Part 1:

I did the whole dating thing backwards from most people. Instead of having lots of not serious “high school” relationships and eventually graduating into adult relationships, my first relationship started when I was 14 (he was 17) and lasted 3.5 years. I broke up with him because, well, people change as they grow up and I wanted something different, and we were going in different directions and I was starting to crush on a friend, which made me question whether I should really still be in a relationship with my current b/f. So right after that relationship, I started dating the guy I had started to fall for (who I had come to realize had been into me for the last 3 years we’d known each other) and we dated for almost 2 year from the end of my high school through part of my sophomore year. From mid way through my sophomore year of college until 2014, so about 8 years, I was single. Sure, I went on some dates and had some flings, etc. but I never met anyone I was really interested in nor did I really have anyone express all that much interest in me. Of course, it’s worth mentioning that I gained a bunch of weight in high school and then a bunch more in college. I was always overweight but by the time my last relationship ended it wasn’t pretty. So being single for those 8 years I didn’t exactly have much self confidence.

Well… not as far as appearances go. Let’s be honest, I’ve always been pretty confident in all other respects. I generally don’t gloat, but screw it, this is my blog. I had perfect grades in high school so I got into a great college, I now have an awesome job, awesome friends, people trust me, confide in me, and recognize that I’m honest, loyal, and care about people who show me they’re worth it (aka, not douche bags). OK, end rant about how awesome I am, but my point is that I wasn’t all down and out about my life or really anything else. I just didn’t think I was attractive so I didn’t really expect others to find me attractive. And not that I thought I was hideous, but I’m a realist, and logical. I recognize that conventionally people find thinner women more attractive, even if they’re curvy. A much smaller group of people find the morbidly obese attractive. So basically, after graduating college and moving to a new, but still not that far away city to start the job I got out of college (still my current job but with some upward movement), I basically just focused on making new friends, furthering my career, etc. Not so much on dating.

Feb of last year I got weight loss surgery and besides just being healthier, it was a serious life change in terms of confidence in my appearance. I’m no size 4, but damned if I don’t think I’m sexy now. Haha. Lo and behold, guys started noticing me for once, so I decided I should put myself out there and try to date. Since I’m an introvert, and also not really a partier/bar hopper, I created profiles on a few dating sites and figured I’d go from there. Hey, one of my BFFs from work met her now husband on match.com so I figured online dating wasn't all just dudes looking for booty calls.

Of course, I owe a thanks to my very first b/f for introducing me to Dan Savage’s advice column “Savage Love.” Reading that for years kept me open-minded and very non-judgmental when it comes to relationship styles and kinks and such as long as everyone is consenting. So while I’d only ever had monogamous relationships, as a single and now feeling confident and ready to mingle lady, I was happy to get out there and just date a ton of guys! Not that I was just sleeping with a bunch of random dudes, but I wasn't going to only date one guy at a time until we got to a point where we wanted to sleep with each other or had a discussion about commitment. So my new social life of dating began!

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Part 2:

So what does all this have to do with poly? Well I start dating a guy through OKC and he lets me know fairly up front that while it's not a requirement, he's got a cuckold fetish, so he encouraged me to basically continue dating while we were dating (yeah, I know, not poly, I’ll get there). Me, having always been monogamous had the thought that I wasn't really interested in sharing my partner with someone else, but this was HIS wish/fetish, and I try to be GGG (Good, Giving, Game… if you're not familiar, turn to Savage Love) and said I'd give it a shot, but that it didn't mean he had the freedom to do the same. And if he wasn't ok with that, then neither of us needed to go elsewhere. Anyway, for completely separate reasons (read: he kept cancelling dates last minute, was flaky, etc.) we didn't stay together that long, but it gave me my first taste of being in something other than a monogamous relationship, and I realized I was totally ok with it.

So I kept dating, and soon after I was messaged by a married, poly guy. I wasn't sure that it had any "serious relationship" potential, but since I was single and enjoying my new-found confidence and I was curiour, I figured "what the hell?" and I responded and talked to the guy and we eventually met up with both of us knowing that if we clicked this might still only be a temporary thing. I got the chance to grill him about what it's like to be poly, how it works for them as a couple, and just absorb a ton of into. Plus, he was really into kink and BDSM, which I was curious about, so I got to learn more about all that too. Basically, this more casual exposure to poly and non-monogamous dating helped give me a chance to see if it was something that I could handle and would be comfortable with. Given locations and how far away he was, again, we didn't date for all that long before things naturally sort of petered out, but given that he was poly, I never really stopped being open to dating other people at the same time and I considered it a great experience that taught me so much. So right around the time that he and I stopped seeing each other, a different married, poly guy messaged me. That guy was/is my current b/f (Sudo). We chatted for a while through the app and texted/emailed/etc. but when we finally had our first date it was, well, incredible! It was supposed to be an impromptu lunch because some other potential first date had just canceled on me and his own plans with his other g/f were cancelled as they actually had just broken up the evening before (which sounds terrible, and he was sad about it, but I think it was inevitable so maybe not that surprising). I offered to be a distraction and just have a fun lunch together and chat if he felt he was up for it, so we did. Well we sat in the restaurant so long that we had dinner there too. Eventually we reached a point where he HAD to go home because his 2 corgis needed to be taken care (his wife was out of town for the weekend with her b/f) but neither of us wanted the date to end and said so. He promised that he wasn’t a serial killer and said I could join him and we wouldn’t even have to stay at the house but could just find another place in his neighborhood to congregate…. He just had to be able to deal with the dogs. While I normally would never go back to a guy’s place on a first date, it was pretty clear that he was telling the truth (and not a serial killer) so I joked that since it was pouring outside and I didn’t want to walk in the rain to a metro, I’d be happy to join him. So we went to his place, I met his ADORABLE dogs and since he didn’t try to kill me or lock me up in the first few minutes of being home alone with him, we decided to just stay in and throw on a movie and play with the dogs. Well, let’s just say that what was supposed to be like a 2 hour date turned into a 28 hour date. He finally drove me back to the metro the next day because before he’d even set up the date with me last minute, he’d agreed to a first date with someone else for that Sunday…. So he kinda had to get me home so that he could go to his other date. What a man-slut, right? Haha. (PS- since people who read this don’t know me… I’m not a slut shamer. I teased Sudo mercilessly after that about being a man-slut, but only in good fun. I was cool with it and don’t really care if people have a high number of partners as long as they’re safe.)

I know I mentioned that his wife was out of town on a trip with her b/f that weekend. So when she called him that evening to ask how the date went.... he was still on it and said so. We were in the car on the way back to his place so he explained that we were headed to deal with the dogs and then continue the date. And when she called him the next morning so she could ask about me and see how things went we were still lazily in bed and he laughed and said "well.... she's still here." Guess he wasn’t the only one being a little slutty that weekend!! ;)

From that rainy night on, we were inseparable. Oh right, this is a story about being poly! So from that rainy night (Sept 6th 2014) forward, we basically jumped right into seeing each other several nights a week, as well as messaging every day.

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Part 3:

We pretty quickly established a rather routine schedule because that just made life easier. Sudo’s wife, WP, was/is dating a married, poly couple in a nearby city about an hour away. Sudo and his wife have 2 dogs, WP’s b/f and g/f (who will hence be named Boris and Natasha) also have 2 dogs, and I have 2 cats. Needless to say, for those 4 guys, there’s a necessity for at least one person to be home after work and in the evening to make sure animals are fed, let out, etc. For me, it’s easier to spontaneously adjust my schedule. The kitties have an automatic pet feeder, a water fountain with a tank on the back, and the world won’t explode if the litter isn’t cleaned every single day. It became pretty typical for Sudo to stay with me on nights when Boris drove down to stay with WP. And WP usually always went to Boris and Natasha’s place Fri night and stayed the weekend, returning on Sunday. So I had the flexibility to spend whatever time I wanted on the weekend with Sudo. If necessary, there were times when it was easier for me to go to Sudo’s on a week night so WP could go to Boris and Natasha’s, and I could do that and either drive, or take metro and a bus.

So going along with the whole poly theme, as much as Sudo and I were in NRE la la land, I knew that he was never going to be able to give me 100% of his time, so I figured I could date others as well if I wanted. So I did. Given that I didn’t want to stop dating Sudo, I ended up just dating more poly people. Next thing I knew, it was the end of October and I was going on a first date with Pi. I’ll give him that name since he’s a math PhD and a big numbers nerd (I was always great at math, so this works for me). This back story is taking forever, so I’ll try to fast forward some. Pi and I dated for about 9 months until I ended things back in July of this year. I know he really like me, and I liked him, but I felt like the relationship hit plateau status not where I wanted it, and my feelings started to fade. I basically felt myself start to emotionally friend-zone him so I just had to end it. Really, there were a laundry list of little things, any one of which wouldn’t have been a big deal, but all combined just wasn’t working for me. So I told him and it sucked, but we agreed to stay friends. Neither of us are the type to say “let’s stay friends” and not mean it, so we actually are still friends and still message each other all the time.

During all that time, I went on some other dates, but no one made it to b/f status, and frankly, I’ve come to realize that I currently spend enough time with Sudo that I only have limited time for additional relationships if I still want to have time for a social life, me time, and seeing family and friends back in my hometown about 2 hours away. In fact, now that I’m not seeing Pi, some of the time that he got has now gone to seeing Sudo a little more since I used to always see Pi on Friday nights and Sudo was either home alone while WP was with her peeps or he just made other random plans.
So bringing things up to current times. Our most recently negotiated schedule is:

Monday: Sudo and WP are home together, I do my own thing

Tues: Sudo stays the night at my place, Boris drives down to spend the night at WP’s

Wed: Sudo and WP are home together, I do my own thing

Thurs: I go to Sudo’s for the night, WP goes to Boris and Natasha’s for the night

Fri: Usually WP goes to Boris and Natasha’s for the weekend, but she might occasionally stay home with Sudo. If she goes to B&N’s and I don’t have other plans, I go stay with Sudo for the weekend.

Sat: If I’m not already at Sudo’s then I go there for the weekend while WP is at B&N’s.

Sunday: I head home in the afternoon/evening and do my own thing and WP comes home to be with Sudo. Though occasionally shit happens and she’ll stay with B&N. When that happens, I usually stay with Sudo.

Bonus: 1 weekend every month or 2, Sudo will come stay with me and WP/B&N will figure shit out as to who goes where so that all their dogs are taken care of.

I’m going to offer up that instead of a full weekend every 1 to 2 months, we just make it 1 weekend night that is definitely once a month (exceptions because realistically shit happens) since I think that’s more reasonable for all of them to work out given that both Boris AND Natasha can never really come stay with WP overnight at the same time because of their dogs.

So yeah, Mon and Wed are my free days, plus the latter half of Sunday. And then Fri is like a flex day where I often now see Sudo, but it’s not “set.”
In the meantime, I’m back to being open to dating. I’m currently not really trying hardcore on that front. I’m getting ready to have a TON of plastic surgery in Dec after losing 120 pounds to get rid of lose skin and basically finish the last of my body/lifestyle makeover, so it seems a bit silly to go on dates with new people now. But at the same time, it’s not like I deactivated my OKC profile. Any guy who messaged me that actually sent a not shitty message would just end up having to be really patient. Of course, I say that the above is our new schedule, but realistically it feels like we have more weeks where we tweak the schedule than weeks where we stick to it due to 1 of the 5 of us having shit come up like travel and whatever else. But we're pretty good about working out schedule swaps so that everyone can be happy!

Whew, finally up to present time and done with the "intro."
 
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So I'm missing Sudo a ton right now. He and WP are in Hawaii right now for work (jerks! lol) and he's been gone since Wed morning and won't be back until Sat evening. I'm so used to not going more than about 2 days without seeing him, so not having any contact for a week and a half blows big time. To make matters worse, I'm fighting the WORST COLD OF MY LIFE! Actually, I'm pretty sure Sudo gave it to me. He gets a cold and has like 3 sniffles and a cough and barely even feels it, but then I get it and it's like Satan's cold and got so bad and just wouldn't get better so I finally went to a Minute Clinic on Sunday only to discover it had morphed into a sinus infection and possibly mild bronchitis. I'm on antibiotics and I can definitely tell that I'm finally getting better, but I'm still hacking up my lungs and going through enough tissues to fill a freaking landfill. When I feel like crap all I want to do is cuddle in Sudo's lap and have him make me feel better. But I can't! All I get are some gchats throughout the day and if I'm lucky a quick video chat in the evening.

Oh, since I realize I sort of breezed right by this point, Sudo and WP actually work for the same company just in different departments. Well, not that it's a huge company, so they have offices a few doors from each other. But since they're able to see each other during the day sometimes when they're not swamped, or grab lunch together some days, etc. I think that also makes it a little easier for them to spend more evenings with other partners and stuff, because it's not like they're suddenly never seeing each other!

Back on topic, I'm sooooo glad that my work offers telework when needed. Normally I don't like to telework because I feel like I'm less productive, but when I'm sick like this I hate dragging myself to the office and exposing people to germs and just being annoying by coughing and blowing my nose around people all day. They don't want to be around that crap. So last week I teleworked on Tues and Wed, and this week I'm teleworking Mon-Thurs. Actually, I was already teleworking Wed and Thurs due to having various doctor appointments, so I basically just added on 2 days. Wed I have a periodic follow up with my bariatric surgeon and then I see my dentist to start invisalign (woooo!!), then Thursday is my final consult with my plastic surgeon for all of my post-weight loss surgery to get rid of loose skin. So much going on! Good thing this has been a slow week at work since I'm waiting on a bunch of other people to give me stuff that is holding up my portion of various projects.

This Wed I was invited to hang out with Pi and his recent.... g/f? partner? I dunno if they've gotten to the point if making anything official. I haven't actually met her, but just to show that it's a small world, I actually already knew OF her because she and Sudo had been talking on OCK and through Gchat for months, but she was living in another area at the time and planning to eventually move to our city. They never did get a chance to meet up, but next thing I know, Pi met her at a local poly meet-up and I guess through talking about people they each knew they realized that there was a whole 7 degrees of separation thing going on, except less than 7. Weird! Then again, even in a liberal city like mine with a pretty decently sized poly community, it's still limited so we all joke that it's an "inbred" community so it's not uncommon for a bunch of people within poly social circles to have dated or at least been on a date with each other or friends of friends. Anywho, given that I'm still on the mend, I don't think I'll be joining Pi and his lady for part of the evening since I'll probably be exhausted by the end of the day (and maybe have an achy mouth from just getting the invisalign?!). So that will have to wait until another time.

Sigh... back to work and slowly feeling less like I'm dying.
 
What have I DONE TO MYSELF?! I just got my first of 25 invisalign trays. As annoying as the pressure on them is, that's not the problem. Ok, so for anyone who hasn't seen invisalign up close, depending on how certain teeth need to be moved, some teeth have to have "buttons" attached to them. Basically a little nub that is the same color as your teeth. I guess maybe it allows the invisalign to grip the tooth from another angle or who knows what. The important thing to note is that they are hideous up close! and feel horrible in my mouth. And there are 14 OF THEM! One of my teeth actually as 2! 9 are on the top and 4 on the bottom. The trays themselves already ad some bulk to my teeth but having them now have to fit over these little protruding buttons means that I feel like I'm wearing some big sports mouth guard. My speech is thrown off a little bit and I can't complete my full natural bite. AGH! I can't help but wonder how awkward this is going to make kissing. And holy shit are all these little "buttons" going to make my mouth a damn hazard when it comes to giving blow jobs?! The rational side of my brain says that's crazy talk since giving a blow job shouldn't result in contact between a dick and the OUTSIDE surface of my teeth, but still! My teeth look like they have teeth and it just looks and feels scary! How am I supposed to spontaneously lift up Sudo's shirt and nibble on his body like I love to do? I have 50 WEEKS OF THIS. So I can't help but wonder, did I really just drop $5k to torture myself for 50 weeks? Were my teeth THAT crooked? (the answer is no). I know my teeth were crowded a bit but mainly this should help me with other dental issues like cavities and such due to the way my teeth are spaced. Bottom line, I better have the best goddamn smile around when all this is done or I'm going to be SUPER PISSED.

Even more frustrating, I won't see Sudo until Sat night to really be able to know if I'm just way over thinking this. Maybe I can at least I have my awkward speech under control and not feel quite so much like my teeth no longer fit in my lips.

Of course I know that I'm just totally freaking out and over thinking everything and it really won't be a big deal, but STILL!!!

Ok, end rant. I'm excited about my appointment tomorrow with the surgeon for my plastic surgery. It sucks to lose 120+ pounds and then realize that you're still not going to have the body you always dreamed of because you mistreated yours for so long that even by taking the weight off, you're still sorta like a deflated balloon! Well not much longer! And honestly, I don't even really care about what other people think of my body. Sudo thinks I'm sexy and so do any of the other men I've dated in the past. But I will be happier with myself when I feel like this whole journey is completed. Sure, I'll have a few scars, but whatever. I can rock those! And on top of that, I have a 5 pound window that I try to keep myself in as my "maintenance mode." Well after Halloween and all that candy goodness I hit the top of my window and realized I needed to step away from the chocolate! As of this morning I'm only a pound away from the bottom of my window. Yay! Possibly one of the only good side effects of getting sick.

Clearly this post is just going to be all over the place, down and up and down again. I'm really missing Sudo. I want him to be back asap so that I can snuggle him and kiss him and have lots of sexy times. Plus, we both know that once I get this surgery I'm going to feel like shit for a looooong time so there won't be sexy times happening then. We need to stock up now! He was going to make a list of all the fun things he wants to do before I'm on lock down. He might have been joking but considering Google and Excel are is 3rd and 4th girlfriends, probably not. He's such a nerd and I love it!!! I guess technically maybe it's a triad with Excel since I love it too?

I think that's enough random ranting for now. I'm gonna snuggle me some kitties! I should post pics of them one of these days.
 
If there is one place to put cute cat pictures, it's on the internet :D
 
Peeps who have posted pics on here.... did you have to screw around with your pics and shrink them down?! I tried to quickly just attach a pic from my phone and it got rejected from the file being too big. le sigh.
 
I don't know about everyone else, but I adjusted mine in Photoshop. I just kept making it a little smaller until it finally took it. The actual guidelines it lists didn't quite match up to the number I ended up with.
 
My photos almost never post on the phone but the same exact pic will post from my laptop. *shrugs*

Invisalign is hella painful the first few days. I remember crying and wanting to die because there was no way I could do a whole year if it was constant pain! It does stop after 3-4 days, and I recommend liberal amounts of ibuprofen. Then it'll just be a dull ache until the next tray. Then PAIN again, but the cycle after a while isn't so bad - you get used to it. Some trays are worse than others. Put them in at night, load up on the meds and it'll fade quickly. Blowjobs, if anything, get sloppier, which my guys say is a plus. I take the trays off though, during. I actually did damage to my bottom gum leaving it in - the pressure from the penis pushed the tray down and it cut away. I didn't notice it until a few days later and now I have permanent gum recession beneath one tooth. So - remove the trays - just remember to put them back in after. The buttons shouldn't affect anything. I only had 7 on the bottom and nothing on the top though. Good luck!
 
I'll definitely have to try posting from my laptop... I just have most of my pics on my phone.

It's a relief to hear that it gets better. Though today is markedly improved. Last night I went to the store and picked up pain killers. All I had was ibuprofen but my dentist actually said that I shouldn't be taking anything that is an anti-inflammatory, so no NSAIDs. I picked up extra strength Tylenol as well as the PM kind. Took the PM at like 7 and that stuff knocked me OUT! I was asleep on the couch by like 8. Crazy!

Yeah, I'll probably definitely be taking them out for BJs, though fortunately so far the trays don't seem to really be messing with my gums.



In other news, I'm kicking myself for telling Sudo about this blog. Not that I don't want him to be able to read what's on my mind (love you, baby!) but I totally wanted to rant on here about something I got for him that I'm thinking I might make part of his Christmas gift. I haven't fully decided, but either way, I can't freaking write about it on here!

Also, I'm a little peeved because I didn't want my blog to start sounding all woe is me just a few entries in, but on top of the cold I'm recovering from and the invisalign pain, my car broke down yesterday on the way to my surgical consult! So appointment had to get rescheduled, and I'm out $500 for car repairs, which was WAAAAAAY overcharged. I have a friend back home that could have done the work with parts for like $200-$250, but the car didn't run and had to go to a local shop, so what was I gonna do? Grrr.


OK, happy thoughts. Life is going to get better. Sudo is home tomorrow and I'm snuggling with my cats and cooking tonight and the weekend is starting. OOO, and I'm making these chocolate covered oreo ball things for a cookie exchange with my sorority alumni group on Sunday. So yeah, enough with the blog pitty party for me!
 
I should be working right now, but I'm considering this a lunch break. So whatever! This weekend was so bitter-sweet in that I FINALLY got to see Sudo after he's been gone for so long for work, but the weekend just slipped by so fast! He didn't get to my place from the airport until Sat evening and we pretty much immediately went to his place with all his bags. I had floated the idea of going to the local BDSM club that evening since they were having a glow party and I happen to have a mesh mini-dress that glows colors under UV light that I'd bought for a trip to a clothing optional resort vacation we took in Oct. I figured this might be the last time we get to go to the playspace for a while with my surgery and all. Buuuuuttt, he was exhausted from flying all night and day and I was starting to get a headache anyway. We opted to just dress up in our sexy glow clothes at home and have our own private play session instead. Damn I missed him!

Sunday we had a lazy morning until I had to leave for my little sorority thing, which was a lunch + a cookie and ornament exchange. It was only a few ladies but they're all so nice and I like getting to see them. I was in Kappa Kappa Gamma in college and this is a local chapter of alums. None of these ladies went to school with me, they all went to different colleges around the country but now they all live in my area... well sorta. I go to a smaller alum group in the area where my brother lives. It's outside of my big city, which has a HUGE group for alums so I think it's harder to really get to know anyone individually. I make my way up to MD enough that it's still easy to see these ladies, and I like hearing about all the different experiences they had going through school but we also just talk about current life stuff. It's actually weird to me to hear about the bigger sorority chapters since greek life wasn't a huge deal where I went to school. We didn't even have greek housing. So being in a sorority wasn't the whole dumb blonde bimbo thing like it gets portrayed on TV. It was just a way for me to make friends with some cool girls. I specifically joined as a sophomore because I wanted more girlfriends and my suite-mate was in Kappa. My freshman year almost all my friends were guys!

Anyway, I digress. I went to that, got some tasty treats and had a fun time chit-chatting and then got back to Sudo's. I was able to stay with him Sunday night since WP stayed at Boris and Natasha's after not seeing them for so long as well. It means I got a little extra time with Sudo, and yet this morning when it was time for us to leave for work knowing we wouldn't see each other tonight.... well that sucked. He told me I had to stop leaving him (as if it's all my fault!), ha!

Tonight I need to finish sewing stupid stuff on an ugly Christmas sweater for the work holiday party on Wed. We have a contest, and not only am I wearing an ugly sweater, I have crazy Christmas sweater leggings. I'm going to look so bad! Worth it though.

I need to snuggle with my kitties too! Maybe I'll actually see if I can get a pic up here of them. Love my little fur babies.

Ok... back to work since I keep getting interrupted anyway!
 
Monday was basically an uneventful night other than sewing a few baubles onto my ugly sweater for work. Tues night Sudo was here. He barely messaged me Monday night and when I made a comment it was clear that he wasn't having a good night, and then when I barely heard from him on Tuesday during the day until he said he was tired and had a long day, I knew he needed a laid back evening. So on my way home from work I hopped off a few metro stops early and picked up a personal pizza from this great shop where you pick the sauces and toppings you want and they send it through the little oven conveyer belt. A few min later you have a super delicious pizza. Sudo loooooooovvvvveeesss pizza and he'd been craving it lately, so he was happy to have it. Plus, he got to talk to a.... friend? ex? whatever about seeing each other on Friday. They dated for a little bit a while back but then she had some major crap happen in her life and sorta dropped off the map, but they've been in touch more recently so I think he's happy to hear that she's doing well again.

Anyway, it was a low key evening and Sudo half watched TV and half napped on my lap while I was half watching TV and half working on my sweater thingy. We did get a chance to talk about his rough evening and it seems that him and WP are going through some things. I feel bad because I want to be supportive, but I don't know if it's really right for me to offer up advice? They have a very different relationship dynamic than he and I do, so I struggle to really identify with it anyway. But I at least try to be objective when listening and just be understanding.

I can't help but worry though since we've been having all these talks about co-habitating. I mean, I know they both want to be together and to have their relationship working smoothly, but the issues that I know they're having are ones they've been having for a little while now, and it doesn't feel to me like they're really getting resolved. In the back of my mind I guess I can't help but worry things like "oh shit, what happens if long term their relationship doesn't work? How will that play out?" Certainly it's not something I want, but it's hard to just sit back and watch this sort of stuff play out with someone who I'm in a relationship with. I mean, don't get me wrong, right now they're nowhere near that point. It's more that it's the type of place my brain goes to as someone who's still relatively new to poly. I haven't really had to experience this with a partner before, either the fighting or what happens as a consequence of that (be it they work things out or not) so I worry. Plus, I just see how this stresses Sudo out and makes him sad, and then I'm sad for him and just want him to be happy. Sigh.

Anyway, we talked about that for a bit and then did the whole cuddle/nap thing. Eventually we made it to bed and had some sexy times, and now WTF, my lady bits are sore and chaffed?! This has never happened before, and in the moment I certainly wasn't feeling any discomfort or pain! I'm sure it will go away in a day or 2, but grrrr. Annoying.

Today was the office holiday party. Sadly I didn't win the ugly sweater contest. But I did get to spend like half the work day just socializing in a bar and I got home way early! Woo!

Plus, Pi stopped by for a quick visit on his way to spend the evening with his SO. So we just took a little time to chat and catch up. Since it was a quick visit we might attempt to make dinner plans for Fri to hang out before my surgery puts me out of commission and Sudo will probably have plans. The rest of my night is low key. I could stand to do a bit of cleaning but more than likely I'm going to procrastinate and just watch TV. Maybe even go to bed early. Man, do I love my sleep. I would totally get a full 8-9 hours a night if I actually had time for that!
 
Life is so busy right now! Or maybe it's just that today has been crazy at work so I'm taking a little time to write this because I need to mentally decompress.

So where did I leave off? Last week on Thurs it was my normal night to go to Sudo's place after work. Usually WP heads to another city to stay with Boris and Natasha, but they had stuff going on so she was staying home. We took the opportunity to all go out to dinner together with a good friend of theirs who I've met before. Actually he's the 4th person that we were all considering buying a house together with.... but based on the latest conversations I'm not sure that he'll really be part of that anymore. I'd kind of prefer it more from the stance of it would give us a larger location area for housing that we could pick from that makes everyone happy. He's a cool guy though and I enjoy hanging out with him. So we had a fun time at dinner and everyone was happy and enjoying themselves.

Friday I had the day off (yay for alternate work schedules and working 9 hour days so I get every other Friday off and have long weekends!) so I spent WAY longer getting my Christmas shopping done than I wanted to. I was supposed to go out to dinner with Pi while Sudo made plans with his friend, but his friend got stuck working late and I got home so late from shopping that I didn't feel like turning around and walking back out the door for dinner. So both of us rescheduled and just enjoyed a night in. Sudo was on his way to drunk when he got to my place anyway (public transportation!) because their work had a holiday party and then I made him a drink on top of that, so next thing I knew I was wrapping presents and he was dozing on the couch! He's super cute to look at when he's sleeping though and I just enjoyed having him there.

Saturday we just watched movies and chilled. We ended up going out for dinner to this restaurant near my place that we hadn't been to in several months and OMG, we both forgot how awesome their food is. Sudo loves burgers and never had the burger at this place. Well it was an angus burger topped with ham, pulled pork, bacon, and a fried egg. With a side of cheddar Jalopeno mac n cheese! I had a "pick 2" platter of meats and ended up with brisket and pulled/roasted duck with sides of bacon gorgonzola mac n cheese and garlic parmesan fries. Foodgasm! Needless to say I ate half my food at best, Sudo had a few bites of mine (plus all of his, I have no idea where he puts it), and now I just finished the last of it for lunch today.... at 4pm since I was busy).

A poly couple that I met a few times ended up texting me about a poly meet-up group brunch that was happening right down the street from me on Sunday, so the next morning we went to that. This group is a pretty large meet-up group that does a bunch of "subcategory" events. So happy hours at some places, munches, brunches, other events, etc. I hadn't been to any yet but had heard of them. Turns out the monthly brunch is always at this place near me! So there ended up being like 20 people and we had a blast. We mainly only talked to around 1/3 of them just due to seating at various ends of tables but I friended a few of them on Facebook and one couple even sent scott a message later that night saying they enjoyed meeting us and that we should hang out again soon. I'm thinking they must live near me as well, because now we're grabbing drinks tomorrow at another place down the street from me. Sudo said they'd asked and I was like "well I'd love to get together, but with surgery and all, unless they want to do something this Tues I'm pretty much out of commission until after the new year." So I guess they took us up on that offer for Tues!

I love meeting new poly people and just hearing their stories and seeing people enjoying such an amazing lifestyle. But seriously, I've never been that person who just makes friends very easily... so I was kinda shocked that after the one meeting they were reaching out and wanting to do stuff together outside of the huge group. Go me for being social and friendly!!

Anyway, back to the weekend... So we lounged in our stuffed splendor for a bit, had a super quickie when we suddenly realized that he had to bolt out the door to coordinate getting picked up from the metro by WP to get home, and then I headed out to the zoo for their "Zoo lights" display! In the winter, after dark they have all these animals shaped out of lights and you can walk around and check them out in a small section of the zoo. It's always pretty and the weather was unseasonably warm for it. So I was meeting up with a good friend and one of her friends to enjoy it!

We grabbed some Thai afterwards, so I had even more leftovers, and then I finally made it home. Now today I've just been scrambling at work to get crap done before I start my extended leave on Thurs. My intern had her last day today before she starts her own vacation so it has just been go, go, go!

Tonight I'm meeting Pi for the rescheduled dinner and then probably just going home to finish some laundry and crash.

At least I'm so busy that I don't even have time to get nervous about this upcoming surgery!
 
In other news, I'm talking to several interesting potential dates!!

So realistically, I kinda figured that I wasn't going to bother dating new people with surgery, recover, etc. I mean, I'm going to be out of commission for weeks, and have some knarly scars for MONTHS. So what's the point? But I had 2 people message me on OKC who actually had good profiles and all. I told them up front what the deal was and that we really could only chat for a bit since I was getting ready to have surgery, and they said that was fine. One of them I actually haven't talked to past that one day of conversing (though that was only 2 days ago) so who knows if that will peter out. The other has been talking to me on and off for like a week, so he seems to be ok with sticking it out for now at least. I actually need to message him and say hi so that he's not making all of the conversation intiative!

On top of that, I've been messaging back and forth with another cute guy on fetlife for a few days. He's a Dom, which is something I've really been wanting to branch out and get some experience with. I'm not much for a lot of pain, but I love me a powerful, controlling, sexy man! Sudo is super submissive, which I've never experienced before but he's just so freaking cute and I actually found out that I enjoy playing the Domme for him and taking the lead in our relationship. I'm a total noob so we're still figuring it out and exploring. But fortunately there's a big kink scene here so there are lots of ways to meet experienced people, ask questions, attend educational workshops and demos. There's a HUGE event over valentine's day weekend here called Winter Fire that we've been talking about wanting to go to. I think I'll be in semi decent shape for that. Even if I can't do full on scenes I can attend the workshops and it will still be an awesome time. Eeek! I'm straying off topic again. So back to the Dom. He and his wife have apparently really only been involved with each other so I think they're fairly new to branching out with other play partners. If anything ever happens I'll be sure to tread carefully there and make sure that she's ok with everything. But in the mean time we're exchanging fun messages and he's even given me a few ideas to use on Sudo. Yum!

So wow, lots going on, so I could use a nap. Have I mentioned yet on this blog how much I love sleep?!

Also, pardon the babbling tone of this blog. After this work day I just feel like I needed to scramble and get down all the stuff that's been going on or I'd have to write a million posts to be able to catch up.
 
Oh man, so it's been quite a while since my last post, but between surgery, the holidays, work crap happening... well I just didn't have the time or really feel like writing up a whole big post.

Highlights:

-Last day of work at 4:30PM my access card to my work laptop glitches and freezes me out. You have to go to a special office to get the pin on the card re-set, but the office is closed, so my computer became a paperweight before I got a chance to finish what I was working on, and I had my surgery and was starting medical leave the next day. Since a major work assignment wasn't done (more on that later), my mother drove me 45 minutes from her place to a base that had an office that could re-set my pin a mere 4 days after my surgery when I was still barely walking around. The fact that I had to do this because people I work with dropped the ball and didn't get me work products in time to finish a major project before my leave (even though they had months of notice!) and I now had to do all this extra crap while I was recovering and in pain left me LIVID! In fact, I had family up from Nashville that I rarely see and only had 2 days to spend with them, and spent 1 of those days with my work laptop in front of me during the gathering almost the entire time. Still can't think about it without getting super angry.

-I glossed over surgery, but that went well. Took 12 hours instead of 10, but the doc said everything went awesome. Now that I'm 2 weeks out I feel like I can agree and any hiccups have been super minor. I've already been back for 1 follow up where he dealt with 1 minor incision opening (common when there are feet of incisions around my body) and got a crap load of compression garments so I'm now squeezed into all sorts of crazy stuff from knee to wrist. Only thing I can say is that luckily the body suit garment (knee to just under boobs) is crotchless so I can at least take a pee without having to unzip and unsnap everything. Taking a poop? No can do- gotta take the whole dang thing down. Sigh. Outside of that I'm still in the granny looking post surgery bra because I haven't had a chance to go back to my place and get mine yet, and compression sleeves that hook in the back to hold them up (how am I supposed to hook that shit myself when I have limited range of motion?!). But at the end of the day, after losing 120-125 pounds, I now have a flat tummy, a perky ass, non-droopy breasts, and normal arms with no bat wings. SAY WHAT?! The pain has been totally manageable and now is down to more discomfort that can be managed with OTC pain killers.

-On the poly front, all is well. Christmas morning I did the whole family thing with my mom, brother, sis-in-law, and grandparents in the morning/afternoon. Then in the evening the polycule got together with a few other friends for a dinner party and I had a blast at that, but was totally done and sore by the end of a late night. I actually made the ladies of the polycule cry with the shadow box that I made for each house (one for me too, of course). I had custom pins made with an item to represent each of the core 5 of our polycule based on what they’re known for or some interest that they have. Mine was a dinosaur because I love them, Sudo got a laptop since he’s an IT nerd, WP got a nail polish bottle because she paints her nails all the freaking time, Natasha got a whiskey bottle because she’s sassy and that’s her drink of choice, and Boris got a raccoon because he loves raccoons. In addition I had a bunch of little male and female faces made to represent various other partners as people date. In the shadowbox, the pins used a nice ribbon to create a web/map thing that shows our connections by relationship, and all of that pinned into a foam and felt backing that I inserted and covered with a nice looking microfiber! I’m not normally a crafty person, but it turned out awesome! And I made a last minute decision to add in a boy face pin for the newest guy that WP has been dating since at this point things are going well enough that I think he might stick around for at least a while as we see how it goes! I'm just thrilled that they loved it since I really didn't know until I had completed it if it was going to end up looking really cheap and crafty when I wanted it to look nice.

shadowbox.jpg

-After Christmas is when a bunch of family from Nashville came up. It was awesome to see them all and be able to just have a lot of time catching up and stuff. Luckily I was a little more mobile and could walk around a bit better by then, if not a little hunched and stiffly. Sadly stupid work stuff was coming up throughout all of this time. During this whole time I was being juggled back and forth between my mom’s house and Sudo’s house for both visiting, but also because I needed help with care during recovery.

-Last night was new year’s eve and the polycule got tickets to a bar event thing in Boris and Natasha’s town. I went, and semi-regret it. I was happy to go out and see everyone, but my arm was feeling a little swollen and sore even at the beginning of the evening. So basically, I was just hoping to make it to the ball drop. Plus, I can still only stand for so long before my core just feels too tight and I need to sit down. So I was probably pretty boring, and basically within 15 minutes of the ball drop I was like “I need to go home.” So Sudo, Boris, and I peaced out, while WP, Natasha, and 2 other friends stayed out a little longer. I was def in pain by the time we made it home and just needed to crawl in bed and get my arm elevated. By morning I was feeling better, we all went out for a yummy breakfast, and now I’m back and Sudo’s place.

-He and WP leave early tomorrow morning for a work trip, but a friend of ours is staying at their place to pet-sit, so I’m staying there as well so I can telework and he can help with the stupid snaps on the back of my compression sleeves that I can’t reach so I don’t have to go back to my mom’s where the interwebs is abysmal and will make teleworking painful!

So yeah, that’s my compressed few weeks!
 
Congrats on the surgery and a fairly manageable recovery!
 
Thanks Magdlyn!

Really missing my Sudo right now. He's been gone since Sat morning for a work trip and won't be back until this Sat. So I'm sitting on his couch with his dogs typing this. I'm just glad that our friend is here as well since at least it means part of the time I have company and someone to kill time with.

Work is getting off to a slow start, which normally would mean being bored at work, but since I'm teleworking it's nice and low key and I can just have the TV on in the background and do other things. I should get out and walk around more though!

Tomorrow I'll head back to my place for part of the day to take care of kitties too. 4 more days till my baby is back. I can't wait! Of course, he's totally getting punished for not following a few of his sub requirements while gone, and he's probably going to reverse all the dog training our friend and I have accomplished this week because he babies the dogs. But I will greatly enjoy punishing him, and he'll enjoy at least part of it too. So it'll be worth it!
 
First day back in the office has been pretty smooth, and fairly slow actually. Nice way to ease back into it. Plus, a good friend just started her first day in my office, which I'm crazy excited about! On top of that, I came in to see a birthday balloon tied to my office chair and a birthday card signed by a bunch of co-workers! How nice of them. I really do love my job when it's not frustrating me.

The weekend was great since Sudo finally returned and I got lots of cuddles. Our polycule went out Sat night for a birthday dinner for me and I had AMAZING food. Bacon wrapped dates, shrimp, fried plantains, slow roasted duck, fried manchengo (sp?) cheese, etc. It was tapas so we just ordered a ton of small plates and then everyone was taking a bite of everything to try it all. mmmmmmmmm!

Even better, Sudo and I finally got to resume sexy times this weekend since I'm finally feeling healed enough that I can move around comfortably!! I had a long period of time where I was single, so I know what it's like to go without sex for a very long time, but after being in a steady relationship again for over a year, I forgot how much it really sucks to not be getting any! Sure, I can take care of myself, but it's just not the same thing.

Nothing too crazy to write here. I'm hoping the new guy I've been texting with for the past month or so will be up for coffee later this month. He's on vacation with his family right now, which is fine with me since it's more time for me to heal up.

Oh, and our polycule is trying to rent a cabin with a hot tub and a fireplace for valentine's day weekend! Originally Scott and I were going to try to go to a big kink event in the area, but I thought it would be more important to try and put the group first so that everyone gets to see each other around valentine's day. Plus, I might not quite be up for an entire weekend full of intense kink by then anyway. So for the cost I figured I'd make sure that we did something inclusive of the group <3

ok, enough for now!
 
This has been a week of the best ups and the worst downs.

Thurs the 14th was my 30th birthday. I'm not the type of girl to freak out over turning 30, but I did tell Sudo that I wanted to go out to a fancy dinner. He's not big on dressing up, so the only time in a year and a half I've seen him in a suit was for a friend's wedding. So we went out to a super fancy restaurant, he wore a suit, I wore a pretty dress and got all dolled up, and we had a night on the town. It was great, the food was yummy, etc.

The next day my brother calls me while I'm at work to say my grandma had passed out and not regained consciousness. EMTs were at my grandparents' house but apparently she had a weak heartbeat. Maybe an hour later as I was on the metro home my mom called crying that my grandma was gone. That fast, just gone. Sure, she was 85 and she definitely had health issues like most older people have. But none of them were life threatening, so this was completely unexpected and devastating. We're a close family and we spend all the major holidays together, celebrate birthdays, and just get together on a regular basis. My grandma helped take me out driving when I had my learner's permit. She helped to care for me when I was home sick from school and too young to be home by myself. She was just the kindest, most loving person who never had a bad word to say about anyone.

The only consolation the family is left with is that she got to see the ENTIRE family in the last few months, which is so rare. Normally for the holidays only portions of the family can get together. And on top of that, she got her 2 wishes, which was that she would pass quickly and painlessly, and that she would pass before my grandfather. Of course, maybe that last one sounds selfish, but my grandparents weren't afraid of dying and did all that end of life planning stuff. My grandparents knew that of the 2 of them, my grandfather was the rock, and my grandma knew that she'd be totally lost if he passed before her. Though now we're left to watch my grandfather try to figure out how to carry on after 64 years of marriage to the only woman he's ever loved. Needless to say, it's been a painful few days. Now that I'm not at my mom's and grandparents' house it usually doesn't really feel real, but I know this upcoming weekend when we have the celebration of life service and all of the family is gathered for such an unhappy occasion that I'll be a hot mess once again.

I'm sure there's more I could write about, but I wasn't really planning on this being a huge vent about my grandma's passing and now I just can't bring myself to just move on to what seem like insignificant, trivial things after such a major topic. So I guess this is all I have to write about for now.
 
So sorry for your loss. I don't think we're ever prepared. {{{hugs}}}
 
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