I know this may be long but I am in desperate need of more experienced advice. I am trying to preserve my quads relationship.
I'm married to my husband of 22 years. We have our issues just as any couple does which we always end up resolving through communication and love. We are by no means unstable. We will call him Hubby.
The two of us are involved with another couple whom we've recently made major, life changing decisions with. They have been married for 21 years and have had a turbulent marriage of which they honestly told us about. Half truths and cheating has taken place within their marriage. We will call her Jane and we can call him John. lol
We dated, became intimate, are fluid bonded, and inseparable over the course of the past year. Our friends took to calling us the "awesome foursome". We are coming up on our 1 year anniversary this next month. 2 months ago we made the unanimous decision to move in together, to merge our homes together, including 4 kids of which 3 know about the relationship between us and are supportive. 3 of the kids live with us while the oldest remained in his home. Did I mention we moved 400 + miles away from our original home to create a homestead? Yea, we did.
I love John. I love my Hubby. 2 very different relationships. I love Jane though we do not have the same intimate connections though it has been there in the past. John and I are very close. John and I share a passion for many of the same things as well as our sexual relationship. He and she have both admitted they do not, nor have they ever had the intensity that John and I have. Hubby and Jane have the same chemistry together too.
However after only 2, going on 3 months of living together, Jane has expressed to John feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and feeling as if she is on "stand by". She recently made a comment to me;"why do you need any attention from me when you have the attention of both my husband and yours." There are a handful of comments that have been uttered where the definitive line of her husband was reiterated.
Allow me to go on to say that if I were doing something with John, she was doing something with Hubby. If John and I are watching a movie they have no interest in or vice versa, Jane and Hubby are together too. Hubby invites her to go do those things that the 2 of them do together where as I may not enjoy doing so. Just as John and I do things together that they have no interest in either. No one person is ever left out of being invited to ANYTHING.
The conversations regarding her emotions are only attained after she has removed herself from the rest of us and she has begun treating us as if we have committed a travesty. Even then those conversations are between Jane and John, never with the 4 of us together. She refuses to openly talk with all of us stating that if she begins to converse she is going to blow up. I'm lost.
Before moving, we were wonderful together. We openly expressed our adoration for the other, held hands between ourselves never excluding one another. I can honestly attest to it was almost picture perfect. Now my heart tells me it is but a matter of time before she pulls the rug from under us all. What do I need to do?
They are going to an event tonight that originally was for the 4 of us. I told John last night that Hubby and I decided it would be best for us to stay home while Jane and he go out. He was not happy though he understands my reasoning. He asked me to watch a movie last night, we invited her to watch with us, she declined and went to sleep without letting anyone know she was going to bed. Then she took it out on John that he didn't come to bed with her. What do I do? I'm lost, I'm scared of losing what essentially is another part of my heart.
Thank you for any forth coming perspectives. They are much appreciated.
Deb
I'm married to my husband of 22 years. We have our issues just as any couple does which we always end up resolving through communication and love. We are by no means unstable. We will call him Hubby.
The two of us are involved with another couple whom we've recently made major, life changing decisions with. They have been married for 21 years and have had a turbulent marriage of which they honestly told us about. Half truths and cheating has taken place within their marriage. We will call her Jane and we can call him John. lol
We dated, became intimate, are fluid bonded, and inseparable over the course of the past year. Our friends took to calling us the "awesome foursome". We are coming up on our 1 year anniversary this next month. 2 months ago we made the unanimous decision to move in together, to merge our homes together, including 4 kids of which 3 know about the relationship between us and are supportive. 3 of the kids live with us while the oldest remained in his home. Did I mention we moved 400 + miles away from our original home to create a homestead? Yea, we did.
I love John. I love my Hubby. 2 very different relationships. I love Jane though we do not have the same intimate connections though it has been there in the past. John and I are very close. John and I share a passion for many of the same things as well as our sexual relationship. He and she have both admitted they do not, nor have they ever had the intensity that John and I have. Hubby and Jane have the same chemistry together too.
However after only 2, going on 3 months of living together, Jane has expressed to John feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and feeling as if she is on "stand by". She recently made a comment to me;"why do you need any attention from me when you have the attention of both my husband and yours." There are a handful of comments that have been uttered where the definitive line of her husband was reiterated.
Allow me to go on to say that if I were doing something with John, she was doing something with Hubby. If John and I are watching a movie they have no interest in or vice versa, Jane and Hubby are together too. Hubby invites her to go do those things that the 2 of them do together where as I may not enjoy doing so. Just as John and I do things together that they have no interest in either. No one person is ever left out of being invited to ANYTHING.
The conversations regarding her emotions are only attained after she has removed herself from the rest of us and she has begun treating us as if we have committed a travesty. Even then those conversations are between Jane and John, never with the 4 of us together. She refuses to openly talk with all of us stating that if she begins to converse she is going to blow up. I'm lost.
Before moving, we were wonderful together. We openly expressed our adoration for the other, held hands between ourselves never excluding one another. I can honestly attest to it was almost picture perfect. Now my heart tells me it is but a matter of time before she pulls the rug from under us all. What do I need to do?
They are going to an event tonight that originally was for the 4 of us. I told John last night that Hubby and I decided it would be best for us to stay home while Jane and he go out. He was not happy though he understands my reasoning. He asked me to watch a movie last night, we invited her to watch with us, she declined and went to sleep without letting anyone know she was going to bed. Then she took it out on John that he didn't come to bed with her. What do I do? I'm lost, I'm scared of losing what essentially is another part of my heart.
Thank you for any forth coming perspectives. They are much appreciated.
Deb