I am current mono wondering about poly

Fat7i

New member
Hi,

I am have been mono my whole life, yet never enjoyed a long lasting relationship. always ends after before 3 months or so.

I had a discussion about cheating with many people. and my main question is:

If having sex with another partner is cheating, then what about having a deep conversation for 4 hours with another?

most of the responses were silence.

To me now, love is beyond ownership, and the traditional view over relationship are means of protecting the family (in the old way)

I still can't imagine how a poly life would be. And honestly i am scared of taking such, so called, drastic measures, which are due to my religious upbringing and society in general.

But i honestly don't want to invovle my current partner in such path (if i would like to call it one) just because i am on another curiosity hunt.

PS. those delima was in my mind before i discovered poly or even knew it had a name.

to me it feels natural to love more than one person. same goes to kids, I love my partner's kid the same way i love my naphew. i noticed it.

and i realized that most people are not like that, the mainstream people.

hope i said enough to establish a conversation that i need.

thank you for your attention before hand :)

(excuss my bad english)
 
I am have been mono my whole life, yet never enjoyed a long lasting relationship.

May I ask how long your life has been? It may help establish context. It's not uncommon for a 25 year old to have not settled in long term and have had a series of shorter relationships, but the pattern would mean quite something different for a 55 year old.
 
If having sex with another partner is cheating, then what about having a deep conversation for 4 hours with another?

I still can't imagine how a poly life would be. And honestly i am scared of taking such, so called, drastic measures, which are due to my religious upbringing and society in general.

But i honestly don't want to invovle my current partner in such path (if i would like to call it one) just because i am on another curiosity hunt.
Well, you could think of cheating as of breaking a promise. An agreement. We actually do use that word in these circumstances already, and it's easy to see why - that's what matters most here.

As for imagining... perhaps knowing poly people and seeing it for yourself could give you some knowledge? Normally i would say, start going to some social poly meetings, but given what you said about religious society, perhaps it's not possible in your case (and it's only a crutch, given that people who attend meetings are often different from those who don't)

Where do you live, btw?
 
Hello Fat7i,

A deep conversation for four hours with another could be thought of as an "emotional affair," hence cheating, but it would not be an affair/cheating if you informed your (main) partner beforehand and got their consent. That is how polyamory is defined, is you get your partner's consent. Cheating is when you don't have your partner's consent.

It sounds like you are mostly just trying to learn more about poly/open, you are not actually "taking the plunge" yet. This forum is a great place to learn, have a look around and continue to post your thoughts and questions. Also the Poly FAQ page may be helpful to you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Personally, I think complaining about a partner having a four hour conversation is the ultimate in ownership mentality.

There is nothing wrong with being curious. Be careful with how you treat your partner in this. They may be offended by your curiousity if they signed up to be strictly monogamous.
 
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