River
Active member
So, I sent him a text message after writing the above. I asked if he had received my reply (on Tuesday) to his last email of the same day. Today, of course, is Thursday. In that email I asked about hiking together, saying that next week would be okay if this week ain't gonna happen. Thursday (today) was known to be my best day for taking the train trip down to see him.
He said "OMG, I thought I had responded to that." He told me he had a minor illness now but it was clearing up quickly. And he suggested a couple of possible days for hiking next week.
But I can't help wondering why he's been so quiet with the text messages and emails, as compared with previously. I know he's busy with work and that he has both a wife and a girlfriend. And I don't pester him with an oversupply of these messages, taking his cadence as mine to be safe.
He (long while back now) says he feels much as I do, that we're exploring a meaningful new connection and all that. And when we spent time together last (and first! - face to face) he gave an approximation of his availability for such get togethers (somewhere between weekly and every other week) and said we could talk by text and email in the meanwhile.
I think if the frequency and quality of the text / email communication were different (better, more affectionate and intimate), I'd be feeling a connection with this guy. At the moment, I'm feeling like I'm way down on his totem pole of interests and priorities. … which sucks, 'cause when we were cuddly and kissy together I wanted that to be a beginning of something. It would take me a bit of time to really open into it, since I'm so used to folks bailing out at the beginning. That is, I can feel some guardedness, veils, a bit of 'armor' which I know I'll need to disassemble and chuck when and where it is fully emotionally safe to do so. It's not so easy to leap into love-passion with someone new who very well may not be around long.
I think poly comes naturally to him, so it's not way new-and-strange territory for him. The having a boyfriend (or potential boyfriend) thing? Now that's very, very new territory for him.
I don't know what typical is in the poly world so much. I only know what's typical for me when "dating". It usually ends up in some minor accident which takes off a bit of skin. Mine, usually.
But my capacity for loving seems to be growing rather than diminishing through all of these little injuries. So I'm happy and proud of myself. I'm getting much better at "self-compassion"!
He said "OMG, I thought I had responded to that." He told me he had a minor illness now but it was clearing up quickly. And he suggested a couple of possible days for hiking next week.
But I can't help wondering why he's been so quiet with the text messages and emails, as compared with previously. I know he's busy with work and that he has both a wife and a girlfriend. And I don't pester him with an oversupply of these messages, taking his cadence as mine to be safe.
He (long while back now) says he feels much as I do, that we're exploring a meaningful new connection and all that. And when we spent time together last (and first! - face to face) he gave an approximation of his availability for such get togethers (somewhere between weekly and every other week) and said we could talk by text and email in the meanwhile.
I think if the frequency and quality of the text / email communication were different (better, more affectionate and intimate), I'd be feeling a connection with this guy. At the moment, I'm feeling like I'm way down on his totem pole of interests and priorities. … which sucks, 'cause when we were cuddly and kissy together I wanted that to be a beginning of something. It would take me a bit of time to really open into it, since I'm so used to folks bailing out at the beginning. That is, I can feel some guardedness, veils, a bit of 'armor' which I know I'll need to disassemble and chuck when and where it is fully emotionally safe to do so. It's not so easy to leap into love-passion with someone new who very well may not be around long.
Kind of typical for newbies, right? And this guy is new to poly AND bi romance.
I think poly comes naturally to him, so it's not way new-and-strange territory for him. The having a boyfriend (or potential boyfriend) thing? Now that's very, very new territory for him.
I don't know what typical is in the poly world so much. I only know what's typical for me when "dating". It usually ends up in some minor accident which takes off a bit of skin. Mine, usually.
But my capacity for loving seems to be growing rather than diminishing through all of these little injuries. So I'm happy and proud of myself. I'm getting much better at "self-compassion"!
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