Lovetriangle
New member
Hi everyone. I'm not sure why I am here, except perhaps looking for a safe place to share...
Possibly discovered in later life that I am poly. 35 year old male, high functioning Aspie. Had social difficulties for most of my life and struggled to bond with people in general. Suffered with chronic prostatitis for nearly 20 years. Social anxiety and severe depression have played big parts in my life at times.
I've been with my partner for over 12 years and I love her to bits. We met online initially when I was 23 and she was 17, and were close friends talking openly about anything and everything via instant messaging or mobile text messages throughout every day for a few momths before we met in person to see what would happen. We ended up going straight into an exclusive relationship on the same day that we met in person as friends. We love each other deeply, and are both generally very loving, caring, considerate, compassiomate, unjudgmental, kind, helpful people.
We're best friends, partners and companions. We have no secrets. We talk about and share everything. We've been together as a team through everything. We've seen each other at our bests and worsts. We've grown together and supported each other through everything. She has also suffered with social anxiety and depression at times, though not as severe. Our lives are completely intertwined. We've essentially been living together as a married couple for most of those 12 years. We have shared finances and have had joint mortgages. When we are not working we do almost everything together, although admittedly our time for that is often limited due to the long and unsociable hours she often works. We enjoy many activities together when we can: walking, cycling, tennis, bowling, pool, gym, holidays/travel, driving, visiting the few relatives we are both close to, card games, board games, video games, films/tv, visiting zoos and other tourist attractions. We currently have a comfortable life in our ground floor maisonette style flat with our four friendly cuddly cats. We do have *some* financial issues and have partially lived off savings for over 2 years. I'm also currently out of work (again).
We are always at complete ease with each other but we can both be quite introverted at times so we aren't always engaged verbally when we are together, but are both comfortable with that. We feel safe and secure together, and would both do anything for each other. We both enjoy physical intimacy and so we cuddle and hug a lot, hold hands, and playfight, but our relationship has basically been asexual for a very long time now. I wish that this was not the case, but I am not automatically sexually aroused by her body. She is obese and while this does not bother me at all, and I actually prefer a curvy female form over a skinny one, the appearance of her body does not turn me on. There is a sort of range of female body size and shape that I find sexually arousing, and both below or above that range tends not to arouse me. When our relationship was sexual I had to use imagination and "mind over matter" to achieve or maintain erections. The problem with this was that my chronic prostatitis can also cause some erectile dysfunction where it can be difficult to achieve or maintain full erections anyway. Trying to force erections when it is not happening automatically and engaging in sexual activity like that can lead to a severe increase in my chronic prostatitis symptoms. Over time we ended up just not having sex at all as it would lead to too much pain and discomfort for me throughout the days afterwards.
And then there is this other woman. I'll come back to that...
Possibly discovered in later life that I am poly. 35 year old male, high functioning Aspie. Had social difficulties for most of my life and struggled to bond with people in general. Suffered with chronic prostatitis for nearly 20 years. Social anxiety and severe depression have played big parts in my life at times.
I've been with my partner for over 12 years and I love her to bits. We met online initially when I was 23 and she was 17, and were close friends talking openly about anything and everything via instant messaging or mobile text messages throughout every day for a few momths before we met in person to see what would happen. We ended up going straight into an exclusive relationship on the same day that we met in person as friends. We love each other deeply, and are both generally very loving, caring, considerate, compassiomate, unjudgmental, kind, helpful people.
We're best friends, partners and companions. We have no secrets. We talk about and share everything. We've been together as a team through everything. We've seen each other at our bests and worsts. We've grown together and supported each other through everything. She has also suffered with social anxiety and depression at times, though not as severe. Our lives are completely intertwined. We've essentially been living together as a married couple for most of those 12 years. We have shared finances and have had joint mortgages. When we are not working we do almost everything together, although admittedly our time for that is often limited due to the long and unsociable hours she often works. We enjoy many activities together when we can: walking, cycling, tennis, bowling, pool, gym, holidays/travel, driving, visiting the few relatives we are both close to, card games, board games, video games, films/tv, visiting zoos and other tourist attractions. We currently have a comfortable life in our ground floor maisonette style flat with our four friendly cuddly cats. We do have *some* financial issues and have partially lived off savings for over 2 years. I'm also currently out of work (again).
We are always at complete ease with each other but we can both be quite introverted at times so we aren't always engaged verbally when we are together, but are both comfortable with that. We feel safe and secure together, and would both do anything for each other. We both enjoy physical intimacy and so we cuddle and hug a lot, hold hands, and playfight, but our relationship has basically been asexual for a very long time now. I wish that this was not the case, but I am not automatically sexually aroused by her body. She is obese and while this does not bother me at all, and I actually prefer a curvy female form over a skinny one, the appearance of her body does not turn me on. There is a sort of range of female body size and shape that I find sexually arousing, and both below or above that range tends not to arouse me. When our relationship was sexual I had to use imagination and "mind over matter" to achieve or maintain erections. The problem with this was that my chronic prostatitis can also cause some erectile dysfunction where it can be difficult to achieve or maintain full erections anyway. Trying to force erections when it is not happening automatically and engaging in sexual activity like that can lead to a severe increase in my chronic prostatitis symptoms. Over time we ended up just not having sex at all as it would lead to too much pain and discomfort for me throughout the days afterwards.
And then there is this other woman. I'll come back to that...
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