Reverie
Active member
Another follow-up on my post about Rider and the younger chick: when he returned from his trip, he said he'd thought about it on the ride home, and he could finally identify WHY he'd initially set that boundary for himself. When I met him, one of the girls he'd been seeing in addition to Claire was 24 or 25, and that had ended badly. He was only interested in a casual dating slash FWB type of arrangement with her, but she fell head over heels for him, and eventually the situation just exploded. He had sort of set an artificial floor to his dating age based on that. And he came to realize while spending time with this newer girl that she is totally unlike the other girl (who truly was a bit crazy). So it's good that he is capable of that level of introspection and also to put it into words.
In other news, I am currently in Hometown, where I am in my mom's spare room and still reeling from last night's rendezvous with Jake, my high school friend turned lover. He has declared himself to be absolutely smitten with me, after not really liking anyone for a long time. I really like him too! He's very smart, educated, sweet, kind, and cute. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am also smitten at this point, but I am definitely operating at a high interest level. I'll be seeing him again tomorrow night after my mom goes to bed.
Before I left, I had a long talk with Rider about Claire. I really felt like I finally had my thoughts in order well enough to explain how I felt about everything. The thing I'd been ruminating on was that comment she made about not wanting to get to hang out with him just because I was gone—like she valued the same commodity (his time) less when it wasn't costing me anything. It made me feel like she clearly views me and her as antagonists and in competition. I explained that to him, and explained that I am done looking out for her. He's gotten a lot better about it himself, so he can just handle it all on his own.
He took that all very well, and for the first time ever, he admitted that if she keeps the dramatics and explosions up, he would consider breaking up with her. He was clear that it's nowhere near that point, but it makes me feel better to know that he does have a limit there, and it's not going to be an ever-escalating nightmare. I had worried that his sense of duty toward her was so great that their breakup was just totally off the table, no matter how shitty she was to him and to me. Just knowing that there is a limit makes the whole thing much more bearable.
I've also still been hanging out with Caleb. We had a really great night together on Tuesday, with fantastically explosive sex shortly after I arrived at his place. We couldn't keep our hands to ourselves for even long enough to pour a glass of beer. He's still in firm FWB territory with me: all sex, no romantic spark. And that's OK.
Other interesting things that have happened include my learning of the possibility of Sam visiting for Halloween, and Oona confessing that for the past four years, she has considered herself "basically my girlfriend" even though she is less bi than I am and historically monogamous. I think she really might be starting to turn the corner on the mono thing, but only time will tell. She also expressed interest in playing with me and Rider again when we are all in the same place at the same time again. I know she is not into Rider romantically (at least, not yet...), and I also know that he is far from her "type" (she likes them dark-haired, fit, and mainstream-stylish, and Rider is a natural strawberry blonde with a cute little beer belly and kind of a flamboyant anti-fashion style that I find very compelling). But I know that she likes him very much as a person, likes his height, his voice, and his, uh, size, and also likes to make me happy. Nothing makes me happier than having two of my favorite people at once.
Also, I finally had a GOOD conversation with my mom about poly. She's moved on from being offended and judgey to just kind of puzzled as to how anyone can "not want to be in a settled thing with only one person." She knows about Rider and about Jake (she remembers Jake from my high school days and was friends with Jake's grandmother before she passed). I reminded her that I have ALWAYS struggled with monogamy, since I was old enough to be interested in people romantically. She says she remembers, and that my father was like that (which I knew), and I think she is beginning to just accept that I was naturally born this way. I know in the end, she only wants for me to be happy.
In other news, I am currently in Hometown, where I am in my mom's spare room and still reeling from last night's rendezvous with Jake, my high school friend turned lover. He has declared himself to be absolutely smitten with me, after not really liking anyone for a long time. I really like him too! He's very smart, educated, sweet, kind, and cute. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am also smitten at this point, but I am definitely operating at a high interest level. I'll be seeing him again tomorrow night after my mom goes to bed.
Before I left, I had a long talk with Rider about Claire. I really felt like I finally had my thoughts in order well enough to explain how I felt about everything. The thing I'd been ruminating on was that comment she made about not wanting to get to hang out with him just because I was gone—like she valued the same commodity (his time) less when it wasn't costing me anything. It made me feel like she clearly views me and her as antagonists and in competition. I explained that to him, and explained that I am done looking out for her. He's gotten a lot better about it himself, so he can just handle it all on his own.
He took that all very well, and for the first time ever, he admitted that if she keeps the dramatics and explosions up, he would consider breaking up with her. He was clear that it's nowhere near that point, but it makes me feel better to know that he does have a limit there, and it's not going to be an ever-escalating nightmare. I had worried that his sense of duty toward her was so great that their breakup was just totally off the table, no matter how shitty she was to him and to me. Just knowing that there is a limit makes the whole thing much more bearable.
I've also still been hanging out with Caleb. We had a really great night together on Tuesday, with fantastically explosive sex shortly after I arrived at his place. We couldn't keep our hands to ourselves for even long enough to pour a glass of beer. He's still in firm FWB territory with me: all sex, no romantic spark. And that's OK.
Other interesting things that have happened include my learning of the possibility of Sam visiting for Halloween, and Oona confessing that for the past four years, she has considered herself "basically my girlfriend" even though she is less bi than I am and historically monogamous. I think she really might be starting to turn the corner on the mono thing, but only time will tell. She also expressed interest in playing with me and Rider again when we are all in the same place at the same time again. I know she is not into Rider romantically (at least, not yet...), and I also know that he is far from her "type" (she likes them dark-haired, fit, and mainstream-stylish, and Rider is a natural strawberry blonde with a cute little beer belly and kind of a flamboyant anti-fashion style that I find very compelling). But I know that she likes him very much as a person, likes his height, his voice, and his, uh, size, and also likes to make me happy. Nothing makes me happier than having two of my favorite people at once.
Also, I finally had a GOOD conversation with my mom about poly. She's moved on from being offended and judgey to just kind of puzzled as to how anyone can "not want to be in a settled thing with only one person." She knows about Rider and about Jake (she remembers Jake from my high school days and was friends with Jake's grandmother before she passed). I reminded her that I have ALWAYS struggled with monogamy, since I was old enough to be interested in people romantically. She says she remembers, and that my father was like that (which I knew), and I think she is beginning to just accept that I was naturally born this way. I know in the end, she only wants for me to be happy.