CNN article

Not bad; thanks for sharing.
 
A quote from the article:

Non-monogamy takes effort. If you're considering opening your relationship, it's important to remember that it requires just as much work as monogamy.

I literally laughed out loud at this - "just as much work" - poly takes exponentially more work that monogamy!

Hope everyone has a great Easter Weekend - whatever that means to you!

Al
 
This article was posted in a FB group I belong to. I thought it was a pretty decent general article on non-monogamy. Of course, the millennial laden group was tremendously outraged at all the things it didn't include...ugh. I think I'm going to drop that group.
 
I literally laughed out loud at this - "just as much work" - poly takes exponentially more work that monogamy!

Not in my experience. I get along with my poly gf so much better than I got along with my mono ex husband! This relationship is a breeze compared to his neediness and passive aggressiveness.

Well. It's not easy peasy with the men I date though! Maybe it's just that men are hard to deal with... whether poly or mono lol Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian and not bi.
 
I don't think it's exponentially more.

But the "work" is easier than trying to juggle all the implicit lies of Monogamism. At least I get to have everything (in theory, at least) out in the open & not subject to minute-by-minute change.
 
I don't think it's exponentially more.
.

I'm still new to all this - one leg of a V with with my wife as the hinge and her bf as the other leg. And while I am potentially open to another partner, I am mono at the moment. I have met the bf once. So - I'm really only having to deal with my wife having another partner - and as a mono at heart, that is easier said than done - but managing. However, I do see her having to deal with two relationships - which would be just a simple double - but she also has to deal with the dynamics of the poly relationships - both of our reactions to her having another partner and potentially the (non-sexual) relationship between me and her bf if we progress that far. So - not merely the double of two relationships but add another factor to deal with the dynamics.

I heard a couple raising two kids say it this way - the second child didn't just double the effort - it at least triples it because not only do you have to deal with 2 kids - you have to deal with the interaction between the two of them - and that can be no small thing! Thus the logic for "exponential". :)

But the "work" is easier than trying to juggle all the implicit lies of Monogamism

I suspect this varies by individual - but, granted all too often true - although, the same implicit lies can exist in poly as well. As I have seen posted numerous times, one can "cheat" at poly as well as mono.
 
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I'm still new to all this - one leg of a V with with my wife as the hinge and her bf as the other leg. And while I am potentially open to another partner, I am mono at the moment. I have met the bf once. So - I'm really only having to deal with my wife having another partner - and as a mono at heart, that is easier said than done - but managing. However, I do see her having to deal with two relationships - which would be just a simple double - but she also has to deal with the dynamics of the poly relationships - both of our reactions to her having another partner and potentially the (non-sexual) relationship between me and her bf if we progress that far. So - not merely the double of two relationships but add another factor to deal with the dynamics.

I heard a couple raising two kids say it this way - the second child didn't just double the effort - it at least triples it because not only do you have to deal with 2 kids - you have to deal with the interaction between the two of them - and that can be no small thing! Thus the logic for "exponential". :)

But you could say that about any new (platonic) friend or colleague your wife acquires. She gets a new boss? She has to deal with telling you how the new boss is different than the old boss. She meets the husband of a female friend and tells you how that went? She chats with the cashier at the grocery store and tells you the story of what they chatted about? She has to "deal with" your reaction to the cashier's words. Is it really a detriment to your lives, or an enhancement?

In a poly V, there may be little to no interaction between arms of the V. My nesting partner has been seeing a man for over 3 years. He is not very social and I have never met him. The "dealing with" him I do is knowing Pixi will often be gone one overnight a week, barely 16 hours out of my week. Yes, she tells me stories sometimes of how her date went. He makes her happy and less stressed in her life. I get a happier partner as a result. The effect is positive for me. I also get a little 16 hour break once a week to do whatever I want in a nice quiet house. Eat what I want, watch the TV shows I want, do one of my hobbies uninterrupted, go out shopping, etc., no need to talk or interact with anyone, unless I so choose, for a short period. It's restful. Or I might go out with another friend, platonic or romantic, or have them visit, giving me some welcome variety.

It's nothing like introducing a second sibling into a family. For me, anyway.
 
But you could say that about any new (platonic) friend or colleague your wife acquires.

Well....perhaps because of my mono orientation and likely influenced by a lifetime of cultural conditioning - the emotional impact of her now having another lover in her life is just not the same as a new platonic friend or work associate - certainly not from my perspective - and really not from hers either. When she and her bf have their occasional struggles, the emotional impact on her is clearly more intense than that from a disagreement with a friend or the boss.

Is it really a detriment to your lives, or an enhancement?

So, if we are going to practice consensual non-monogamy, I most certainly prefer the transparency of poly over a DADT open marriage (for example). But as to the poly thing in todo, it would still not be my first choice as it was not what I aspired to in our relationship - and sometimes I do feel a certain amount of sadness and loss that I lost out on my vision for our marriage.
Although - there is a conflicting emotional dichotomy present - in that while I do feel sadness at my loss, on another level, I honestly am happy that she is getting to enjoy this experience.

And, in fairness, Becky does seem happier with both of us in our lives - and that has resulted in a renewed energy in our lives (sexually and otherwise as well) - NRE spillover I guess.

Some detriment - some enhancement..... Al
 
A quote from the article:



I literally laughed out loud at this - "just as much work" - poly takes exponentially more work that monogamy!

Hope everyone has a great Easter Weekend - whatever that means to you!

Al

I think it might in terms of scheduling. I think momo relationships are much easier in that sense.

Not in my experience. I get along with my poly gf so much better than I got along with my mono ex husband! This relationship is a breeze compared to his neediness and passive aggressiveness.

Well. It's not easy peasy with the men I date though! Maybe it's just that men are hard to deal with... whether poly or mono lol Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian and not bi.

Quit being such a misandrist...lol

I don't think it's exponentially more.

But the "work" is easier than trying to juggle all the implicit lies of Monogamism. At least I get to have everything (in theory, at least) out in the open & not subject to minute-by-minute change.

I agree. This is especially true of those of us who feel we are naturally inclined to poly.

I thought poly would have a lot more processing than mono. Here's a cute comic showing exactly what I mean.

I think this is more true when one first starts out on their poly journey. Once one accepts it, there is much lesson processing "(IME).
 
I suspect this varies by individual - but, granted all too often true - although, the same implicit lies can exist in poly as well. As I have seen posted numerous times, one can "cheat" at poly as well as mono.
Yes, certainly, but I was unclear.

What I meant to indicate was not to fault people who're doing as they were indoctrinated with monogamy-as-practiced, but rather resolving the dissonant data without going literally crazy. Like, your sister confides that she's having an extramarital affair. Now, being monogamous is no big thing in this respect; you can just roll your eyes at her, & go on being happily mono.

However, mere monogamy is not enough, & the idealized form has been so elevated that it is Monogamism. I figure that most people who would claim to be monogamous are in fact Monogamist, & find "alternative lifestyles" to be both titillating & threatening (not unlike men ranting against prostitution yet frequenting the whorehouse on the edge of town).

As a Monogamist, should you learn of your sister's affair, then you MUST either take this as a direct affront upon YOUR monogamy, OR undermine your own sanity a teensy bit more by packing in yet another point of cognitive dissonance & maybe literal headaches caused by emotionalconflict. There is zero latitude for "live & let live."

Not impossible, maybe even easy after you see hundreds of such examples. But I'm lazy, & creating an elaborate webwork of interrelated lies seems like wasted effort.
 
I finally just read the article from the OP, ha.

Man, was that couple-centric! I feel like I need a shower to cleanse myself of all the assumptions.

Not one mention of singles, solo-polys, networks of more than two, such as Vs or Ws, to learn from?

Christ on a cracker. Some of the advice was fine, but that bias ruined it for me.
 
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