Women being harassed by men

bassman

New member
Hi all
This is not poly, and I was asked to take off a poly page. But it is about being attracted and what is harassment.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-29823870



They count men who are only saying "good morning" as harassment. Really?

Ok, so I guess there appropriate ways of flirting, or paying a compliment.. But how to know when a woman might be receptive to a compliment? I guess it differs with every women too.

So it's a minefield to navigate, are we allowed to say when we find someone attractive or not? I've been trying to figure this out for 40 years and I still don't know. The overall message from society is to not say anything, and that your thoughts are wrong, that all sex is wrong (unless permitted by church), and that all men are predators. :confused::confused:
 
My take on it (as awoman) is that I prefer that men not presume more intimacy with me than exists.
If a close friend says I look beautiful today-thats cool.
If a stranger on the street says "good morning" and continues along their path-thats cool.

But giving me the once over-not cool.

"Hey beautiful"-not cool. I have a name. If you don't know it, that means you need to take time to decide if you are in a position it would be appropriate to learn it. If not-stick with the lassing polite comment you would give ankther man; like good morning.

If you do know my name, say "hey LR". If the conversation is continued then it may at some point be acceptable and fit comfortably in the conversation to me tion "i just wanted to say that you look vibrant today, i hope thats a sign of you having a great day".
But lets not get into making my sexiness more important than ME.

&
For Gods sake be aware that I wasn't put on earth to be your entertainment. don't stare, gawk, make a point of noting breasts, ass, legs... Damn to sure don't follow me uninvited.
You (general) might be one of the nice guys; but if we don't KNOW each other I don't KNOW THAT. if you would 't treat a young girl alone in a park that way-don't do it to me.
Every single day I have to consider, all day long, in a sea of men, which ones are safe & which ones are not. Is it safe to walk across campus alone? Can I safely navigate the parking lot alone? If my car breaks down in a no-cell-service area, is it safe to walk for help? Is it safe to accept help from a passerby?
The dangerous ones look JUST LIKE ALL THE REST.
As someone said, only 10% or less of men are dangerous (rapists, murderers, abusive) but if you KNEW 10% of the m&ms in a bowl were deathly poisonous would you reach your hand in and grab them to eat?

Pink's song-"U & Ur hand" sums up one example. She is crass and crude, but the point is spot on.
Interestingly; I have found the best compliments often come from gay men. "That scarf is PERFECT! Where did you find it"
"I love the way you worded this! Its sooo visual!"
"LR! You are such an amazing Person! I just love how thoughtful you are"
They don't make their compliments about me being sexy or my body type etc.
Some know me, some don't.
But across the board they seem to identify well with not using descriptive words as a replacement for my name, not sexualizing me, not using pet names before we can be comfortably described as friends...
 
Everything that LR said. I couldn't have said it better.
 
I personally prefer people not talk to me unless they have some reason to pleasantries like good morning, how are you, etc with strangers is not something I enjoy.
 
It depends on how the "good morning" or "how are you" are phrased. Looking at me from head to toe, licking your lips like LL Cool J or like I am something to be devoured, and then proceeding to say "good morning," would rub me wrong. I do not take kindly to being objectified.

Every woman is different. There might be women in the world who would love that kind of attention the actress in that video was given. I am not keen on compliments from strangers, so it would make me squeamish and uncomfortable. I also do not enjoy being flirted with, hit on, or anything along those lines. For someone who is asexual and aromantic towards everyone but my husband, it is not something I enjoy.

I despise attention from the opposite sex because I have encountered very few men who have stepped to me appropriately or respectfully. Do not address me as beautiful (sugar, darl, babe, bae, boo, honey), whistle, stare at my breasts while asking me if I have a man, let the first thing you say be how great my arse looks in a pair of jeans, or dare to touch me. It annoys me when I am out at night, and I have to go in to a petrol station where men are working or are standing outside. Most of them stare as I am walking up and make sure to look as I go inside. Even the ones who open the door or hold it open. I know they are checking out my body and sizing me up, and it makes me feel like an object. As LR stated, I am not here for someone's entertainment and/or gawking purposes. I feel for that lady because I would be on edge if I was out, and someone was walking alongside me for five minutes. Can you imagine if this was filmed at night?

The most disrespectful incident happened a few years back, and it took it to another level. I was on holiday [stateside] picking up dinner, and this man saw me. I acknowledged him and might have asked, "How are you doing?" I said nothing more to him because I was engaged in a conversation on my mobile. He was with another male, and I knew he was whispering to him about me. Instead of just complimenting me, he took it upon himself to walk behind me while I was standing there. He could have easily said, "Excuse me," or walked in front of me. (It was like the register/counter, me, tiny space, partition, and he slid through that tiny space.) It was intentional because he had the balls to grin like a Cheshire and like he had accomplished some feat. He did, but it was incredibly disrespectful. Was I supposed to be thrilled and excited to feel his body against mine? His lower body rubbed up against my bum, and before anyone else could react, I had him pinned up against the wall with my knee in his groin. WTF would make someone think that was even remotely okay? :confused:
 
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