I had been in solo/poly relationships for 9 years before meeting my fiance. On our second date I told him that I was seeing 3 men and was originally looking for another lover. I also told him that I was poly but open to a monogamus relationship with him....but that I needed to get to know him better. Basically I fell madly in love with him almost instantly. I told my other lovers and they were all happy for me and have been respectful of my new found love by not getting involved or calling ect.
In the first few months we spoke about opening up our relationship, but I wanted to do it right as I didn't want to lose him as he was all his life traditional and not familiar with open relationships. I bought the ethical slut, read it and had discussions with him.
We came to the agreement that sex with others is OK as long as we are both present in the same room, no dates alone with others. We had our first threesome, then foursome with a single guy and single girl (both mutual friend's of ours) We also had a couple of orgys with mutual friends and all was great. We were both happy and it brought us closer and I felt he trusted me more.
Now recently, I have come to find that I am having feelings for our male friend (J.M.) who has been present in the bedroom with us both alone and in the orgy's. My fiance and him are friends and hang out together alone, I also have hung out with him alone, but our alone time is understood that we are friends and no sex (petting, kissing ect) happens. Both men are straight but ok with having sex with me at the same time.
I told my fiance this morning that I have developed feelings for J.M. He is very upset and now feels that he is no longer important or special. I tried explaining that my love for him has not changed...in fact we have been amazing this whole time.
I feel that I should refrain from seeing J.M. for now and work on my relationship with my fiance. I am pretty scared that I will lose him...we are susposed to get married in a month and a half. I want to marry him and promise to love and support him....and I have every intention of doing that.
At the same time, I know that even if I cool it or break it off with our friend, this issue will still come up in the future. My fiance is ok with casual sex with others, but not ok with feelings being involved. I on the other hand can have casual sex but prefer to do so with people who are friends and in which I have a connection with....I wasn't expecting him to take this so hard.
Any ideas or comments are greatly appreciated
PS I own both the ethical slut and more than two already
In the first few months we spoke about opening up our relationship, but I wanted to do it right as I didn't want to lose him as he was all his life traditional and not familiar with open relationships. I bought the ethical slut, read it and had discussions with him.
We came to the agreement that sex with others is OK as long as we are both present in the same room, no dates alone with others. We had our first threesome, then foursome with a single guy and single girl (both mutual friend's of ours) We also had a couple of orgys with mutual friends and all was great. We were both happy and it brought us closer and I felt he trusted me more.
Now recently, I have come to find that I am having feelings for our male friend (J.M.) who has been present in the bedroom with us both alone and in the orgy's. My fiance and him are friends and hang out together alone, I also have hung out with him alone, but our alone time is understood that we are friends and no sex (petting, kissing ect) happens. Both men are straight but ok with having sex with me at the same time.
I told my fiance this morning that I have developed feelings for J.M. He is very upset and now feels that he is no longer important or special. I tried explaining that my love for him has not changed...in fact we have been amazing this whole time.
I feel that I should refrain from seeing J.M. for now and work on my relationship with my fiance. I am pretty scared that I will lose him...we are susposed to get married in a month and a half. I want to marry him and promise to love and support him....and I have every intention of doing that.
At the same time, I know that even if I cool it or break it off with our friend, this issue will still come up in the future. My fiance is ok with casual sex with others, but not ok with feelings being involved. I on the other hand can have casual sex but prefer to do so with people who are friends and in which I have a connection with....I wasn't expecting him to take this so hard.
Any ideas or comments are greatly appreciated
PS I own both the ethical slut and more than two already