I am sorry you struggle.
He's very much saying it needs to be a shared thing and that me and him staying together is the most important thing and that if I'm not happy with it then we won't do it.
Sounds like he's communicating where he is at to me. That he thinks both have to be willing for it to move to having deeper conversations about it. If both are not willing then having more conversation about opening the marriage is moot.
At this time?
- He is willing to go there. He is also willing to NOT go there and let the idea go. He is willing to respect your boundaries. He wants to know where you are at. (How is this horrible? )
- You are not willing to go there. NOT your cup of tea.
Ergo BOTH are not willing to go there. You know it. So why not just keep it simple and say "no thanks" so he can know it too?
"Thanks for sharing, hon. I'm not up for Opening the marriage for polyamory. I am happy how it is.
If you want to share your poly thoughts and feelings about things, that's ok with me. I can listen. I am up for that. I am Open to YOU and hearing your thoughts and feelings.
But us practicing polyamory? Not my cup of tea."
Then leave it at that?
He might be bummed out about it, but but most adults can handle processing disappointments without getting too bent out of shape. He said he's fine letting it go.
Is is that you think he lied? Does he usually
say he can let a thing go but then really what he
does is fly off the handle and bully you?
My problem really I suppose is guilt of not really wanting it at all and therefore his wishes being ignored essentially
I find it interesting you call it "guilty" like it is a crime to have your own preferences. Not all people are up for polyamory
and that is OK.
How are his wishes "being ignored" if you have heard him talk, thought about how you feel about it, and responded something like
the above? That's not ignoring. You have
responded with clear information about what you are and are not willing to do at this time.
Is it that you have yet to respond? If so, go ahead and speak up and state what you are and are not up for honestly and directly.
Are you thinking like you
have to meet everything he ever asks of you?
My deep seated self esteem issues are really not helping.
Is this area what you are trying to ignore dealing with -- self esteem work? How what you think to yourself and how you behave makes you proud of you/not proud of you?
Are you guilty of usually avoiding examining why you do not hold yourself in high esteem?
If so? I think you could work on that whether or not you guys Open. See if doing so helps you feel better.
Galagirl